Thatguyintx Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Here I am now 7 months post-breakup. Mostly good days, but some moments of pining still. I realized that I have some triggers that can cause me to pine for her. I drove past what we considered to be "our" restaurant. That got the old mind working. Then yesterday we had a phenomenal sunrise. We used to wake up together and watch the sunrise. I have chosen to reclaim "our" restaurant and the morning sunrises for myself and put the pining captive. What causes you to pine for that person?
GreenPolicy Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 What causes you to pine for that person? Anytime I have to drive through the area she lives. She lives two miles north of Cowboys Stadium and the Ballpark in Arlington, and if you live in DFW, at some point or another you will have to take I-30 through North Arlington to get where you need to go.
smudge21 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I work opposite the place where we first met. Not so bad in winter, but with summer approaching the memory of that first meeting will be hard to handle. In fact I think summer altogether will be one big trigger as it will be without her!
Duckduckgoose Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Umm... I guess it would depend on my mood really. If its an "off" day for me then most things will trigger me badly. If its a good day then not much will. Glad to know I'm not the only one with the "reclaiming" behaviour. I've reclaimed the one mall we used to visit often several times now but it still doesn't feel like "mine". I have yet to re-visit all the restaurants we went to over the course of our relationship/marriage. I will concentrate on the ones in this city, because I don't give a crap less about the ones in Kentucky he can have those and that whole forsaken state. Pretty much though, things that we used to do together are the things that will trigger me the most. The mundane is what hits me the hardest... getting groceries without him seems to be the biggest. I don't know why. I just really liked shopping for foodstuffs with him.
PegNosePete Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 The reclaiming is good, it's like a kind of exposure/response therapy. Rather than getting upset and running home, GO to that restaurant and have a nice meal with a friend. Face your fears and remove the triggers by creating new memories in their place. 8 months on I don't have many triggers left although I do have the odd off day.... well more like off hour... actually TBH it's the odd off 10 minutes these days.
is2008 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I'm with DuckDuckGoose... on a bad day, it's what isn't a trigger. On a good day, I'm not overly bothered. The past 3 days, I've been having a rough time so everything reminds me of her. As for reclaiming... I have a whole country to reclaim. My first ever visit to the US was to see her. What a beautiful country. Except I just cannot bring myself to remember it's beauty because those thoughts are so intertwined with the thoughts of my ex.
silvermane187 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 -Her old apartment where we first met. (bus past it twice a day) -The bus stop where we used to meet up before going out the first few months. (bus past it twice a day) -A few subway stations that I rarely pass by -An area that is about 10 by 10 blocks square in the west end of the city where she lives. (I work 5 minutes away but try to always stay out of it) -those first few days of spring when the weather is warm and the sun is shining. -warm breezes -random restaurants/coffe shops/grocery stores/movie theaters in the city lots more.
TryTryAgain Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 The sunshine. She loves summer, warmth, and being outside. I live in a very sunny place, so most mornings when I see the sunshine I begin pining for her right away thinking about her being all happy outside soaking up the sun. I feel better on cloudy, snowy, and rainy days because I know she's couped up inside....Very odd, I know this. Another thing that's really hard for me is license plates...yeah, weird, right? She's originally from the next state over, so whenever I see a license plate from that state I start pining away...ugh.
AFriend Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 It's been roughly a little over a year for me and almost any place we used to frequent will trigger it. Especially our high school in our hometown where we first met, college campus, and any songs we would listen to together. But since I have been forced to be at most of those locations early on when we separated, it isn't as bad now. There are certain places I will absolutely avoid though, like the main street that branches off to her home. We don't live in the same city anymore (at least last I heard) but I don't know why I still avoid it like the plague.
melenkurion Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 The reclaiming is good, it's like a kind of exposure/response therapy. Rather than getting upset and running home, GO to that restaurant and have a nice meal with a friend. Face your fears and remove the triggers by creating new memories in their place. 8 months on I don't have many triggers left although I do have the odd off day.... well more like off hour... actually TBH it's the odd off 10 minutes these days. I totally agree with this. I've done pretty well at reclaiming places for myself. I've carried on going to the old places I used to go and made the new memories there. Mostly that has worked just fine. In some cases the first occasion has caused slight sadness, but it soon passes. In one or two cases I've been slightly worried about running into him, but so what? He cheated on me, he chucked the marriage in the bin. I am not remotely ashamed of anything I have done. My major trigger is the rhythm of the seasons: spring itself has proved to be a trigger. We were both very much into gardening, so each new aspect of the changing season reminds me of him, very strongly. I used to enjoy talking to him about garden plants, wild plants that were in flower. When the snowdrops came into bloom it triggered memories, and the same for the hellebores and the daffodils. Next year it won't be so difficult. The music we had at our civil partnership, I can't really listen to that. Ah well, I wasn't that fond of Enya. He chose it all so it's more his taste than mine anyway. I did have to ask a friend to put on another CD when he reached for the bloody Enya. Also certain TV programmes remind me strongly of him, but I was getting fed up of watching them anyway. He tended to want to watch the same stuff over and over.
angelboots Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 -some songs mostly, -any thing to do with Canada, -some parts of my job which i wanted to share with him.
Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 My break up is only a week old and I wake up and have a panick attack, all hours through the night I wake up. Anytime my phone rings or texts Im hoping it's him. I'm hoping he will call to give me some type of closure.
J0N Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 - Anything that mentions her home state, or the city she is moving to. - The same kind of car she drives on the road. - Where we met & frequented in college. - Any mention of her name. - Activities she/we used to be involved in. The feelings are fading as I am just about 6 months out of my relationship (NC entire time).
smudge21 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I went through the same with an ex from about 8 years back and couldn't even go past the places we used to frequent. Of course now it's so much different. I see those places and although I remember her I have long given up on any feelings I had for her, so the places are just old memories. Not good, not bad, just memories. I can't even imagine feeling anything about them, although at the time I definitely did. So eventually, these current triggers will also fade away and all that will be left are memories of places me and the current ex went to. Those emotional bonds will be gone.
No_hope Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 When it gets sunny outside. Every time the weather was nice we would go out do something for HOURS just walking around with our kids, looking at houses we want to buy. songs... we have the same taste in music and I can't even listen to my favorite songs anymore because we used to dorkoshly sing them together. movies,after our kids went to bed we would watch movies together. my own KIDS- they would do something that reminded me of their father, they way my youngest looks, his facial expressions. I don't cry anymore, but a lot of times I will avoid listening to a certain song, or avoid watching a certain movie. I still haven't walked down "memory lane" as in the roads, and paths we would walk down, but I have taken my kids out side when it's nice outside... I know that I will have to walk down there again sometime... probably take a friend with me. I have a feeling I will cry, but I hope not. It's not worth it. at the beginning of our relationship I would have to drive by the places we always walked down and I would get teary eyed and sometimes even cry a little. Now, not so much.
D78 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) TRIGGER 1 - Happy When I find anything new that truly excites me, I miss telling him about it and talking about all the possibilities. I miss having someone genuinely interested in me. (I did the same for him, but that doesn't answer your question.) TRIGGER 2 - Sad When life kicks me in the teeth, I miss having someone to talk to who gives a sh*t. For 11ish years, I had someone to talk to and someone to listen to. Now, nothing. TRIGGER 3 - Constant Reminders No matter how hard I try to avoid him, he's there. I kept running into him, so I started going to different stores and post offices. There's actually a post office in the beer store, who knew!?! A person I hadn't seen in a month asked me if we got back together, because all LTRs reunite after some time, and I have to explain hell no we don't even talk other than trying to resolve one stupid bill. Then, it's his friends through my new friends. Then, through my second attempt at new friends. Then, good grief, his friend is on TV in a show I'm watching with my parents of all things on Friday... 1/3 of the things in my house have something to do with him, and it seems like 2/3 of the things outside my house have something to do with him. TRIGGER 4 - Dread I've found new hobbies that I'm really into. Not on the first, second, third, etc. try. But, I kept trying and found a couple of things I'm really excited about. I'm completely alone in these pursuits, which is scary for me. I have a constant fear that I'm going to see him at one of these new events, and I don't have anyone I can turn to who will understand or be there for me... Edited April 10, 2011 by D78 I sometimes ignore spell check
i made a mess Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Oh Gosh...I agree with the poster that said "what isn't a trigger" on an off day. Anytime I see a police car, anytime the TV show "COPS" is on, getting ice cream, going dancing, going to House of Blues, going to Downtown Disney, seeing movies, seeing a happy couple walk together hand in hand, seeing a car that looks like his, seeing little trinkets he bought me that I can't bare to rid myself of (old flowers that I've dried, odds and ends that he bought me to help me feel less stressed at work, wristbands from our 1st and 2nd date from the places we went to). But the result of the trigger is nowhere near the extreme it was in the beginning. I don't bury myself under all the covers in bed and cry anymore. I just feel a little pang of sadness and it usually passes as quickly as it came.
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