Fufu Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Perhaps you may wish to read these 3 threads in coping section. 10 Truths You Need to Accept about Breaking Up http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276219/ I feel guilty about NC http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276314/ How Do You Heal a Broken Heart http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276454/ Have faith and believe in your choice and decision to start NC to move on.
geegirl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 This is exactly why strict NC needs to be enforced. Any type of communication leads to hope. Hope in this case is working against you. You're trying to leave the door open some so you can keep reminding him you exist. Do you really want to be with someone who needs reminding? I don't believe he has forgotten you. He just can't give you what you want, and when and if he decides he can give you what you want, he will not need to be reminded nor would he have forgotten about you. He knows who you are, what you are to him and what you can give him. He won't forget. It's whether he wants it or not. You gain closure and acceptance when you decide to accept the situation the way it is. It will take time. You will go through stages. You're not there yet because you've been up and down about NC and not really abiding by it. And NC doesn't just mean no contact, it also means turning the focus on you. Sitting and waiting for him is going to keep you stuck. And it's your choice to stay stuck. Who cares how he broke up with you? The end result is, he broke up with you. That's enough to tell you to move on and as painful as it is, it's your only choice. It doesn't matter that he's not sure, he may never be sure. It's normal to pine and dream and mope. It's normal to feel pain because it's a huge loss. But if you give yourself a chance, feel the pain just as how each of us have gone through that same hell, start to focus on your life and fill that void with everything that nurtures Popon -- you will get to the other side. But you have to walk through hell to get there and walk you will. There is no other way. It won't happen overnight. You may start to feel better weeks from now, hopefully or months from now. Everyone is different. It all depends on how you want to push through and how much you want to start living your life versus sitting around and waiting for someone to want you. Keep applying for jobs. Aside from that, get to the gym. Start a workout plan. Say 6 months of pounding at the gym I want to look a certain way. You're unemployed, use that time to get involved in volunteering for a cause you like. It will help you gain perspective in life when caring for the under privileged. Get involved in some hobbies or events that will turn your attention and focus to other things. If you are spiritual, get back to your faith. Read self help books or just read. One hour of reading is one hour away from him. It's all about reprogramming your thought patterns. You have to fill your time/day with everything and anything you can. You will feel miserable for as long as you want to feel miserable. Nothing can take that away from you unless you decide for yourself that you are ready to take that first step to healing and recovering. You will feel miserable for awhile but at least you are taking positive steps toward finding your peace and happiness again.
Author Popondetta Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks Fufu! I've read them all now, and I realize that I have read similar things before too (in books etc). I've noticed you are a very active LS'er and it is always great to read your posts It all makes sense when I read it, but I find it increadibly hard to let go of the hope and I hate myself for it. Because I know as long as I have hope I will not be able to move on.. I'm feeling exhausted and I am planning to move to another city to get some geographical distance to it all and then hopefully more emotional distance too. I've been heartbroken before and it seems like it gets harder every time to get through it. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and finding it harder to meet people I match with + I would just love to have found the right man for me by now.. And it hurts to know that I thought I had found him, for 2 years. Feels like I was living a lie and that is so painful! I wish I had never met him!
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 @OP I told you not to contact him because you will not feel good afterwards. You see the problem is one of expectations. Yes, he did reply but what he said in the email/text did not meet your expectations. You're trying to grasp grapevines to climb a mountain. It's never going to work. Just leave him alone and go NC. He is not interested in you the same way you are. He is just being polite. Focus on yourself and move on so you can heal.
Author Popondetta Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 @OP I told you not to contact him because you will not feel good afterwards. You see the problem is one of expectations. Yes, he did reply but what he said in the email/text did not meet your expectations. You're trying to grasp grapevines to climb a mountain. It's never going to work. Just leave him alone and go NC. He is not interested in you the same way you are. He is just being polite. Focus on yourself and move on so you can heal. Thanks for your posts JasonRules. I have been meaning to comment on your previous posts too... Yeah, I know you all told me to go completely NC . I know that is the only way I can move forward. I think I have been doing pretty well though with regards to NC/LC since it all happened. Since the break up in march I have only contacted him once (the email). During the break december-march he was the one initiating contact more and I was just replying to these, only initiating contact once. So at least he can never say or think that I've been pathetic, desperate, crying, nagging or begging. (Just trying to give myself som credit here..heh..) It's now been 5 weeks since the email I sent and I will not send him another. Although it is very tempting I know that in the long run it will only lead to more heartache. Thanks for your support and advice Jason I just feel so lonely and missing him so much... I hate love.....
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks for your posts JasonRules. I have been meaning to comment on your previous posts too... Yeah, I know you all told me to go completely NC . I know that is the only way I can move forward. I think I have been doing pretty well though with regards to NC/LC since it all happened. Since the break up in march I have only contacted him once (the email). During the break december-march he was the one initiating contact more and I was just replying to these, only initiating contact once. So at least he can never say or think that I've been pathetic, desperate, crying, nagging or begging. (Just trying to give myself som credit here..heh..) It's now been 5 weeks since the email I sent and I will not send him another. Although it is very tempting I know that in the long run it will only lead to more heartache. Thanks for your support and advice Jason I just feel so lonely and missing him so much... I hate love..... I miss my ex as well, but I don't feel lonely because I'm always doing something. Last night after work I hit the gym for 2 hours. I felt great afterwards. Tonight I'm going out with my buddy for drinks for Cinco De Mayo. Your life is in your hands. Start focusing on your life and living it as best as you can. Don't wait for others to "wake up". Just move on. If you are meant to be together you will.
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