jkl6158 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 About 3 1/2 weeks ago I started dating this guy that I met online. I knew I liked him almost instantly, which is quite rare for me when meeting guys from online. Very rarely am I ever interested in going out again. Anyways, we've hung out 5 times now, and when I think about it everything seems to be going extremely well. I saw him three days ago and he spent the night for the second time. We haven't had sex yet, but things do get quite physical and the chemistry is great, but at the same time we can also lay there for hours easily just talking and laughing. This guy seems like a keeper. My problem? I am beyond terrified of being hurt. I got out of a 5 year relationship a year ago where I was devastated... he didn't actually do anything wrong, but he decided there was something missing and just couldn't be in the relationship anymore. Then maybe 4 months after we broke up I met a guy that I thought was amazing, and everything seemed to be going perfectly... until about 6 or 7 weeks into dating he said that between his job and the fact that he was very recently out of a LTR, he wasn't ready for another relationship. I never saw it coming and could not stop thinking about him for over 6 months despite the fact that we didn't even date 2 months. In the past I've also had numerous other guys surprise me with the "I'm recently out of a relationship and just realized I'm not ready for another one" line. So as soon as he left the other day I was on cloud 9 because things seemed so great. But fast forward to the evening and I start over thinking and bugging out that he has lost interest and won't want to see me anymore. He gives me no reason to expect this, but based on past experiences I just keep obsessing that it is going to happen. We texted back and forth yesterday and I kept hoping he'd bring up another day to hang out (since I initiated that last one), but he didn't. While logically I know this is very unlikely something to worry about I still do. Any advice on how to stop freaking out all the time that I'm going to be hurt once again?
BeginAgain Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Stop obsessing and fantasizing about doom and gloom scenarios. It might not be easy but it is the only solution I can see. Try distracting yourself with chores or interests/hobbies. Give him a week or maybe two to initiate and if nothing happens move on. Much later in the relationship you can expect lengthier separations, but towards the beginning you should be seeing each other a couple times a week. Also don't get too attached. People are merely musical chairs which will at one moment be there but in the next they'll be gone.
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