nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I am so obsessive about the last relationship that i amazed myself. First, i didn't have deep affection to him, he was not my type. I always joked around saying"You lower my level" He is not that good-looking guy The only advantage about him is his diploma well, at least he was very proud of himself about that point , get a doctor degree at 25 year old and became a teacher in a formal state-owned university at 26 year old We rushed into the relationship when i realized it, i fell for him He betrayed me by sleeping with his ex , and telling me that he falls for his student who is a freshman 18-year-old girl i can't believe it, i pretended to be cool , then brought up the break-up Never contact him again, 2 months later, he called me doing some small chatting , just as a friend. we have never been through the phrase of friendship i cut him off, and asked him never called me again he said he just wanted to know if i am ok i said it's none of your business anymore 1 weeks later, at some weak moment, i texted him said‘i miss u’ he made me disgusted what he sees on a 18-year-old girl？ so shallow, i regret my test he called me ,i ingored the feeling is so complicated i miss him, blame him , disgusted him also thought he doesnt deserve me any advise or experience similar to mine?
Sake Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 In the process of explaining your story, you pretty much gave me the impression that you fell for him because of his bright future instead of his personality which when he betrayed you suggests that he's not that great of a guy. The healing part is usually 1/3 the length of the relationship but I'm just speaking for myself, it obviously varies from person to person and you should take as long as you need to, to fully get over it. - NO CONTACT. let him regret it.
AFriend Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Seems like he is a guy who doesn't know what he wants right now and is all over the place. If you want to get over him, NC is the only way to go. I don't know how long you were in that relationship, but Sake is right in that the healing varies from person to person. I always hope that I'm on the shorter end of the stick haha. If he cheated on you, then he really doesn't deserve you. From what you're saying, he definitely isn't your type! True, you'll miss him but eventually you'll see him for what he is.
Author nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Seems like he is a guy who doesn't know what he wants right now and is all over the place. If you want to get over him, NC is the only way to go. I don't know how long you were in that relationship, but Sake is right in that the healing varies from person to person. I always hope that I'm on the shorter end of the stick haha. If he cheated on you, then he really doesn't deserve you. From what you're saying, he definitely isn't your type! True, you'll miss him but eventually you'll see him for what he is. Thank you for replying. I want to make some supplement here. i am astonished by my obsession on him. We have been together for half a year. He chased me first, then we started dating. But technically speaking, these meeting can not be called dating . i met him once a week in his place, he cooked for me , and i stayed overnight. He treated me gentelly, But My gut told me that he was not into me that much. He just got out of school and became a teacher in this university. I asked him a lot of times "Do you love me" , he ignored them all. But he wanted to marry me, i don't understand him, Maybe he just wanted to marry someone at the "appropriate" age. He slept once with his ex and told me after i asked I didn't show strong reaction , but it buried inside my mind like a timing bomb. at last, i brought up the "break-up" out of blue one day. He cried (i can tell from his voice through the phone), but several days later, he hooked up with his student,a 18-year-old freshman. I am upset not because i love him. i like him , no doubt about that. But the main reason is his behavior I have to say, i judge people furtively and keep the judgement by myself all the time. for me, teacher should not be with his student. (i am a teacher in a college too) I care, because i think he stained my memory, he ruined my impression about him. Although he is not a good-looking guy, he was a gentle and deep guy to me before. Now , he is just a shallow coward to me. But paradoxically, part of me wish that i misunderstood him. I don't want to think the man once i had feeling for is a low person Do you think his behavior is low or normal ? Give me some poll,please
Chi townD Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 No, his behavior isn't normal. It's what I phrase as being a "douche rocket". First, even if it was in joking, you never tell the girl you're with that "she's beneath you." Are you kidding me? Girls like to feel special if not equal to the person they're with and even slightly placed on a pedestal. I believe that the reason you are having a hard time getting over him is because when you met him, you let your guard down and let him peel away the layer's to get to the core of you. You wanted to feel safe and opened yourself up to him. And what did he do? Cheat on you with his Ex and then when you ended it? He immediately slept with an 18y/o student. And by the way, I do the same thing he does and a relationship with an undergrad student is a BIG no-no. So, he left you exposed, raw and hurt. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS WAY!!! Time will heal this. And thank your stars that you got out when you did.
AFriend Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Thank you for replying. I want to make some supplement here. i am astonished by my obsession on him. We have been together for half a year. He chased me first, then we started dating. But technically speaking, these meeting can not be called dating . i met him once a week in his place, he cooked for me , and i stayed overnight. He treated me gentelly, But My gut told me that he was not into me that much. He just got out of school and became a teacher in this university. I asked him a lot of times "Do you love me" , he ignored them all. But he wanted to marry me, i don't understand him, Maybe he just wanted to marry someone at the "appropriate" age. He slept once with his ex and told me after i asked I didn't show strong reaction , but it buried inside my mind like a timing bomb. at last, i brought up the "break-up" out of blue one day. He cried (i can tell from his voice through the phone), but several days later, he hooked up with his student,a 18-year-old freshman. I am upset not because i love him. i like him , no doubt about that. But the main reason is his behavior I have to say, i judge people furtively and keep the judgement by myself all the time. for me, teacher should not be with his student. (i am a teacher in a college too) I care, because i think he stained my memory, he ruined my impression about him. Although he is not a good-looking guy, he was a gentle and deep guy to me before. Now , he is just a shallow coward to me. But paradoxically, part of me wish that i misunderstood him. I don't want to think the man once i had feeling for is a low person Do you think his behavior is low or normal ? Give me some poll,please His behavior is definitely low. It's kind of funny, maybe your situation is similar to what you told me in my thread. That you liked the guy because some of the things he did for you is what you look for in a guy, but you don't necessarily like him. You like the idea of him and since you invested a lot of time into him, you fell for him. You are feeling the pain, let it happen; it's part of the healing process. I hope you will be moving foward! Sooner or later you'll look back and thank yourself for not marrying a guy who would cheat on you and then sleep with his students.
Author nana841121 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Thank you Afriend and Chi Town D for your genuine advices. It helped me a lot
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