pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 My boyfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. We were together long distance for three years. The distance between us wasn't that great, so we saw each other fairly often. Things between us hadn't been perfect lately, but I felt that they were only minor problems that could easily have been fixed with just a bit of effort from the both of us. My main issue was that he didn't seem to want to make time for us to talk sometimes. I don't expect much, but sometimes he'd go days without talking to me. Sure he was pretty busy with work; but not so busy that making time to talk was impossible. Not long before all this happened, we spent the weekend together. I thought the weekend went well, and as he left, I asked him to text me soon and he said that he would. I then didn't hear from him at all that week. I was worried and a bit panicky that something had happened; that he'd had some kind of accident on his way home or something terrible like that. I then discovered about 5 days into that week, that he'd been online; so obviously things weren't bad like I had thought. I got pretty upset and angry; here I was worried about his safety, while he was just fine but not bothered about getting back to me. I sent him an email, telling him that I'd been really concerned for him, and it wasn't right that he'd just leave me hanging, when he had the opportunity to let me know he was ok. But aside from all that, he'd also just gone off for a week without a word. These days it's so easy to keep in contact with everyone, that I really don't see why he'd need that long without talking. A few days after I sent my email, he got back to me and told me he wanted to break up. He said he still loved me, but that he didn't want to hurt and upset me anymore. He said at this time in his life, he couldn't give me what I want, so it would be best if we move on. He said he would like to be friends; but nothing more than. I just don't get it. How can you love someone, but not actually want to make the effort to be with them? I don't think I'm an unreasonable person. I don't expect to talk to him 24/7, but I don't think someone needs a week of no contact either. Since this has all happened, he's only spoken to me a few times; and I'm not really satisfied with his explanation. Not because I don't agree with it, but I honestly don't understand. He has given me two conflicting reasons, and I don't get what it all means. At this point, he hasn't wanted to have a proper talk about all this, so I'm finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with it. I'm sorry if this is all a rambling mess. I know my explanation of why I'm confused probably doesn't make much sense. It's just difficult trying to explain his reasons for the split, when I don't properly understand them to explain them myself. I haven't tried contacting him in the past few days, I'm hoping if I leave it until next weekend, he'll have had some space and be happy to talk things over.
Mov Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear that. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years as well (400miles between us) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272268/ The only thing i can suggest is go NC, if he really wants to be with you he will get in touch, otherwise you might push him further away by chasing him.
Author pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear that. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years as well (400miles between us) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272268/ The only thing i can suggest is go NC, if he really wants to be with you he will get in touch, otherwise you might push him further away by chasing him. Thanks Mov; I'm sorry you're going through this too. Break ups really are awful. I agree that chasing will only push him away. I was freaking out and tried texting/calling him a bit too much in the first few days, but I have yet to contact him since sunday (it's now late wednesday afternoon here). I'm hoping that those few days didn't push him away too much. I live about a 5 hour drive from where he lives, and I do university through a uni in his city by distance education. I need to go to uni next week, and before all this happened we had plans for me to go there if he didn't have to go away for work. The last thing we spoke about on sunday, is that he's still fine with me staying there when I need to next week, and that he'd let me know whether or not he had to go away for work or not. Later on after our conversation though, I had a freak out and sent him quite a few distraught texts/tried calling. He didn't reply to any of them. That night I sent an apology text, saying I was sorry for freaking out, that the last thing I wanted to do was annoy him. I have yet to try contacting him since, and I haven't heard from him at all since our short conversation sunday morning. Like I said, I'm a bit worried that my freak out has pushed him away.
Mov Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Thanks Mov; I'm sorry you're going through this too. Break ups really are awful. I agree that chasing will only push him away. I was freaking out and tried texting/calling him a bit too much in the first few days, but I have yet to contact him since sunday (it's now late wednesday afternoon here). I'm hoping that those few days didn't push him away too much. I live about a 5 hour drive from where he lives, and I do university through a uni in his city by distance education. I need to go to uni next week, and before all this happened we had plans for me to go there if he didn't have to go away for work. The last thing we spoke about on sunday, is that he's still fine with me staying there when I need to next week, and that he'd let me know whether or not he had to go away for work or not. Later on after our conversation though, I had a freak out and sent him quite a few distraught texts/tried calling. He didn't reply to any of them. That night I sent an apology text, saying I was sorry for freaking out, that the last thing I wanted to do was annoy him. I have yet to try contacting him since, and I haven't heard from him at all since our short conversation sunday morning. Like I said, I'm a bit worried that my freak out has pushed him away. 5 hour drive - hehe was same with me exactly! I had a weak 2 weeks trying to win her back, in the end she changed her phone number and i can only contact now through email or letter. No matter what damage you think you have done, its never to late for NC, it heals you first, makes you stronger and if they want to be with you they know where to find you.
Author pink.fairy Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 5 hour drive - hehe was same with me exactly! I had a weak 2 weeks trying to win her back, in the end she changed her phone number and i can only contact now through email or letter. No matter what damage you think you have done, its never to late for NC, it heals you first, makes you stronger and if they want to be with you they know where to find you. That's pretty funny that they were both 3 year long relationships and 5 hours apart! I don't think I'm ready for NC just yet. I've certainly cut back, and I'm not trying to contact him at all at the moment, but I'm not ready to give up just yet. I'm not going to hound him. But I want to leave things for a bit, before bringing up a possible get together when I'm in his city next week. I think I need a talk about everything, as we haven't really been able to speak about things. I think a talk will be closure for me. At this point I'm too hopeful of a reconciliation to start moving on entirely; I need a good talk to understand, accept things and start moving on. It's at that point I'll start with NC.
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