She keeps contacting me (plus my LONG story)

[chax22]

My ex-gf and I had met during undergrad and had no emotional connection with each other during this time, but were in the same, close circle of friends. After graduation, she moved a few hours away and I stayed in the same city in order to attend law school. She started dating a guy and eventually got engaged, but they broke it off after ~7 months because they felt that they were never in love with each other. About 3 months later, her and some other friends came to visit me to attend a football game of our alma mater. At this time, she was still living a few hours away with her parents and I was still living in the city where we attended college (and me, law school), trying to find a full-time job. We hit it off and the depression she felt over her failed engagement went away for the first time (her words).

 

Over the course of the fall, she continued to come visit me (on game weekends and non-game weekends) and we went out on dates and were intimate. After about 5 weeks of this, we decided to throw the BF/GF words on our situation and to try the long-distance thing. She was semi-hesistant due to the fact that she still felt messed up because of her failed engagement and because she had been involved in a long-distance relationship while we were in undergrad with her high school BF (and things were difficult for them). After the football season was over, one weekend my GF, another girl that was in our group of friends ("A"), and A's BF went to the city that BF attended college to visit a friend of his (my GF had previously met the friend). After this weekend, I noticed that my GF and the friend's interactions had increased and made a comment about it. My GF told me that he tried making a move on her the weekend she was there, but re-assured me that she had no attraction to this friend/wouldn't want to be involved with someone like him/etc. (I trust that she felt this way due to some things that happen in the following paragraph)

 

It was also during this time that her and I were not seeing as much of each other. We mutually decided to take a step back in our relationship until we could be closer to each other. We still, however, acted like we were BF/GF. Over the course of the next month (early Dec to early Jan), I went and visited her 3 times. While I was there the first time, I noticed that she had been texting/video-chatting with the friend. This made me feel uneasy and she sensed it. I was honest about what was bothering me. She said that we should do what we had been talking about (take a step back) and that she needed to be single for as long as possible to discover herself without trying to fit the mold/expectations of a significant other. The second time, I attended an Xmas party of both her friends and her father's side of the family. The third time, I helped her move out of her parents' home and into a home she would be renting from her father. In between these two visits was NYE. For NYE, she went and saw A. A's BF and "the friend" were also there. I asked my now-not-really GF how things went with the friend this time. She said that there was nothing there.

 

After the third visit, we planned that we would next see each other during my bday weekend (end of Jan). During this time, we were communicating in some manner everyday, but in the middle of January, there was a weekend that I would text her with no response. After that weekend, she told me that she didn't want me to visit my bday weekend. She said that she spent the weekend with some high school friends and told them about me. According to the friends, she needed to be upfront with me about how serious she wanted to get. If she wasn't ready to get serious (because of the engagement), she should stop having me visit because it would only end up with me getting hurt, etc. After this conversation, we still talked nearly everyday until early March, but there would be times that she was distant with me (short responses/ignoring me/etc).

 

I found out in early March that she had been dating the friend and still is currently. I don't know when it started, but am assuming it was my birthday weekend when A, A's BF, and the friend visited my now-ex at her new place. She had been keeping this relationship from me while telling me that she still thought things would work between us if I lived closer. One night, after getting back from visiting him (he also lives a few hours away from her), she started talking to me about how bad her weekend was/how it was a waste of time. Instead of console her like I usually did, I told her that it felt like she only came to me to make her feel better. She was taken aback and kept expressing her depression that she had been feeling over the past two months because she has also had difficulty finding a job since she moved home (also the same amount of time since she cut things off with me). After our conversation, she accepted his facebook relationship request that had been pending for two weeks. After I found out what had been going on, we had another conversation. She said the following things: things could still work out between her and I/she knew that she wasn't settling with me (like she was with every other guy she had been with)/that she felt that she needed to test out her options because she nearly married the wrong guy before.

 

Since that conversation that night (about one month ago), I haven't contacted her. She, however, has tried contacting me ~once a week. Earlier tonight, was attempt #4. I haven't responded to any attempt and don't know if I should.

 

My thoughts:

- She was feeling alone after breaking things off with me and jumped into the arms of the first guy to show interest in her.

- She truly is testing out her options.

- She keeps trying to contact me. Why?

- She is feeling depressed. This guy apparently doesn't have the same effect on her as me. I was able to make her feel better about her failed engagement and he hasn't been able to make her feel better about not having a job.

 

Your thoughts? Sorry for the length.

Edited April 6, 2011 by chax22

[chax22]

ANY input at all?

 

Her message last night was:

"Just wanted to say hi and see how everything was going. Hope it's going well!"

 

This was probably a mistake, but I just sent her back:

"Everything's going great here. Hope the same for you."

[Fufu]

Wait a minute, is she dating/attached now?

 

Why would you want to wait around for a person who cannot be decisive on what she want?

 

Don't be a sparetyre, fall back plan, doormat for her.

 

Please start NC and move on.

 

 

"She was feeling alone after breaking things off with me and jumped into the arms of the first guy to show interest in her."

 

Personally, if she becomes he, this is good reason for me to move on as I'm a female poster.

 

Because I wouldn't be able to take it if my bf does this to me.

[Eddie Edirol]

She keeps contacting you to keep you hanging on, thats it. She keeps teklling you that she wants to be with you, but she has no intention of doing it, since she is dating someone else. You need to cut her off, because she isnt missing you if she is trying to date someone new.