Sw3etdev1L Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 When I was in HS.. I went into a depression combined with a disease which makes me fall deeper into a depression with huge stressors... well that meant my huge stressor was my father and mother fighting all the time and getting a divorce.. I used to have such wonderful friends, until I got sick and.. stopped to want to go out to the movies, theatre, do exercise, I didn't want to go out my house... I was a nerve wreck. I didn't know I had a problem. I was so small, 13. My parents didn't take me to the doctor.. and I got sick of everything.... The stomach, the throat, so frequently...I didn't know it was because my inmune system was being compromised due to my nervous state... my friends grew apart from me.. I was so bummed. Instead of supporting me, they were so young they didn't understand and decided to .. I took it as "stab me in the back"... but now I understand, all they did was keep on enjoying their lives, because they did not knkow what was going on with me.... After that I went into another school and made new friends, they were not as GOOD friends as the first ones... they were my bestest friends.. anyway, we were so many in my grade it got hard to make such a strong bond... I kept on being without medicine and therapy... I used to have good friends because I am a nice person, a good one with good intentions, noble and stuff... but I didn't love to party... I just didn't want peer pressure to drink, smoke or sex stuff because I didn't even feel good about myself there.. cause of the depression... Years passed me by and I got into a modeling contest, while my parents got a divorce, so it was not such a BLAST... for me. It was just a blocking experience... The girls and I got along... but not as much when they wanted to go out and I did not... but it was because I felt so bad.. I did not know why... I went back to highschool after that and thought my self image with all of my friends would help me have more friends, and thought that the modeling thing was important.. Nowadays, I know it was not important.. I tried to look always my best, be in a thin wait, I didn't put much importance to my grades... Truth is, I was so wrong. I did never have an eating problem, but I did have a wrong perspective of life, because I was not feeling well because I was not well. When I got treated for depression and my problem which is something like epilepsy... I realized so many things... First of all.. the friends I had when I was young. Some were good, some were not that good. But, they were so young and unknowledgeable... 2. I regreted for so long not to have made good bonded friends in highschool. BUT, I have had experiences in which even the "popular" "non popular", kids who seemed to have it all together and excellent friends have gone their own ways and ended having different lives, being different people and embraced change so they don't have the friends they had as before... 3. Modeling is bull****, and a good self image is important but not as important as being psychologically healthy, after you have a psychological health , your self image is good and you feel good with yourself onlly because you ARE GOOD. Self confidence not only comes from a good self image but from being animated, with a balance and equilibrium in your neurotransmitters.. which is very important for everyone to know. 4. I ended my profession in Clinical Nutrition, and made good friends there. 5. I regret not having participated in the friend activities and stuff they did in highschool. It is so important to have people to share your life with.. That is why I now value good friendships so much, and are open to have good ones... 6. I am just venting... I forgive the friends I thought were not good friends to me, and who I thought made me feel bad about myself in those times.. Now I know they were clueless about so many things as I too was... Time changes, and people changes with time... Peace and Love : )
Recommended Posts