chelle21689 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 My ex of 5 1/2 years but 2 1/2 years long distance broke up with me Jan 30th. He was crying hard and saying that he didn't know why he didn't care about our relationship anymore and that maybe it had to do with the Army. I immediately went NC and explained I needed space until I was ready to talk to him. I cut him off completely from EVERYTHING (Facebook and his friends). I was doing great and healing rapidly. Got a new great look, new activities like sky diving and skiing, traveling, dating. I met a cute guy that is a great catch and we're taking things slow. I was developing feelings for him...right when we were getting closer my ex calls! He called 2 days ago and yesterday. We caught up on life and then he told me he made a mistake that he broke up with me and he regrets it. He felt like he should've talked to me about it before breaking things off. He said NC was really hard on him, he didn't want other girls, we had a long history, nothing was wrong with us. He said the Army stressed him out...and he wanted me back but he was afraid that since he didn't know how to deal with the Army and his life he was scared we'd be together and break up AGAIN and he didn't want that. He said he was going to find a way to be with me and be good. But I said he might be too late so he can't take too long and I won't put my life on hold. He then started to cry when he some how saw pics of me and the new guy I was seeing...He said he wanted me back before he found out about the new guy. I love my ex, I really do. His personality is great but his life is a mess. Now that the rose colored glasses are off I don't know how I put up with his financial instability and all of that. He isn't in a good place now and he might deploy in October. I also like this new guy. We have fun together and we talk an hour every night for a month now but I feel like the connection isn't as deep as my ex's. But he is GREAT bf potential and I get butterflies. But at the same time I love my ex. I don't know what to do....I was so much happier with this life making big improvements and then he comes in and makes me confused! I want my ex but something is telling me to try things out with the new guy...a gut feeling. I guess I feel the need to experience life. I feel I made big improvements but my ex hasn't. When we skyped the way he looked at me I could tell he was still in love with me. The way he talked to me...how hurt he was. I feel like if we ever worked things out this would have to happen 1. Find the main cause we broke up 2. He has to improve his life 3. We have to start fresh
No_hope Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 You're stuck in a rock and a hard place. but remember, your *new* guy, you're in the honeymoon stage. Of course you're going to have butterflies! and of course you're going to have long phone conversations. You're getting to know each other. When it comes down to it, it depends on what YOU want to do.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 I have no idea what I want to do though. With the new guy sometimes I feel a connection and sometimes I don't. When we're together we have fun and I'm drawn to him. I'm curious to see where it goes because he's different than my ex and has good bf potential. My ex was a good bf but I feel the need to experience things out there and grow as a person...but I'm scared I'd be making the wrong decision. What if it doesn't work out with this guy and I'll regret not taking my ex back just to see where this goes???
0hpenelope Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I think that whatever you decide to do, you won't forget the dedication you gave to improving yourself and seizing life and opportunities. You felt down but you didn't stay there and kept the focus on you. You will lose nothing even if you lose either guy because you learned so much about who you are and the stuff you're made of when things get bad for you. Thank you for coming back to share your story! You're doing so well.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 That's a good line to remember...I improved my life without a boyfriend. =\ It's just hard to deal with this now. I thought he moved on and that we'd be 'cool' and just keep in touch.
0hpenelope Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 What made you believe that he'd moved on completely? I mean, the obvious smart thing to do is just to believe that any ex has moved on the moment of the break-up (with the whole "they've moved on before they even carried out the action of breaking up" mindset), but what made you believe he was one hundred percent over you? I am also very happy about the new guy news! I didn't waste time either and went on dates. I was upfront to all guys that I was on the rebound and it definitely didn't serve as a turn-off for them. Nothing serious, all casual - and I got great conversations out of them.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I don't know, I just thought that most dumpers moved on quickly. Also, I think it was a good idea to believe that.
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