Titania22 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Hey Guys, I figure it's been about a month since, I gave up on socialising, meeting people and shut down my online dating profile. Also since I was given the advice on here to cease all sexual activity, as a way of decreasing my sex drive. What I noticed in that time is, * I had no sexual interest or interest in meeting a man. * I felt more connected and loving towards my children. * I felt more positive feelings regarding the few male friends that I still have, and really thankful to have them in my life. * At times less interested in threads on the forum. * More happy in general * More willing to see the reality in some things, and not just the fantasy. * More focussed on intellectual pursuits. * Less interested in my appearance (to the point of wearing any old thing I felt like, and haven't touched makeup at all), though still interested in keeping my figure and making sure I wasn't getting fat (I have actually got more thin (slightly)). In the last few days, I started masturbating again, and now seem to be doing it every few hours, and feeling really horny if i don't. What I have noticed is, * Feeling great sexual desire, and wondering if I want to meet someone. * Still feeling introverted and not really wanting to socialise, but kind of wishing for hot guy to turn up and want to have sex. * Less focussed in reality, and lost in a range of wild fantasies that have nothing to do with reality. * Starting to wonder if maybe I should make more of an effort with my appearance, and wishing I looked younger again. * When I do leave the house, I am constantly noticing every man, and accessing (a) if he is doable and (b) if I think he would think I was doable, and then © wishing I had made an effort to look attactractive (instead of someone who had crawled out of a garbage dump). Overall I think giving up the masturbation was a good thing. I feel like I have turned a tap on in the last few days, and now am going to need some serious willpower to turn it off.
Knittress Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I get a lot of positive self esteem from feeling like a sensual and attractive woman. I don't see what I'd get from trying to squash that - maybe a little less frustrated, but perhaps a little less vibrant as well? I'd also be worried about getting 'stuck' that way. ::shrug:: As far as affection, etc - I find that the more I practice being loving towards others the more genuinely happy and loving I become. When I was volunteering with refugees I was an absolute lovebug and constantly cheerful. Now that I'm more worried about gas and paying rent and don't volunteer anymore, I'm a lot more isolated and anxious. Just a thought?
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Hey Knitress, I agree with you that I get alot of satisfaction from volunteering. Where I think I differ from you, is that I tend to feel drained my people and get recharged from time on my own. By not putting myself out there, and not expending any energy on making myself presentable for the world, I have actually been saving alot of energy. And by not thinking about the people I might be meeting, I haven't been preoccupied and distant when my kids are around, or friends show up on skype. By not being sexually frustrated I haven't been aggressive and short tempered with people either. So all in all I think I give myself and everyone else a much better quality person when I am not thinking about sex, and wondering how to get some. Even my recent experience of dating, has shown I tend to be overly focussed on the sexual side of it. Even my recent thought experiment thread showed me that when I start thinking about an experience in terms of the likelyhood of getting laid, I tend to forget all the other potentially good possibilities. It would be better for me to go see this guy in a couple of weeks, and not even think about sex, and just enjoy whatever does happen on the night. Intellectually I know this, but I will just have to see what I am like on the night.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I know just what you mean. For most of 2009 and 2010 I did not have any desire for a relationship of any kind with any one and I was just fine and dandy. I almost wish I could get rid of that part of me that has any desire for a relationship what so ever so I could just get on with living my life.
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 I know just what you mean. For most of 2009 and 2010 I did not have any desire for a relationship of any kind with any one and I was just fine and dandy. I almost wish I could get rid of that part of me that has any desire for a relationship what so ever so I could just get on with living my life. Yes, and if you exchange the word relationship for the word sex, in the bold, this is how I feel sometimes. Really if the sex drive is only there to propergate the species, and I have already had my children, then really it's just annoying. Of course if I was in a loving, sexual relationship I wouldn't feel this way, but since I am not, and it is unlikely that I will be anytime soon, there is no real benefit to me feeling horny.
Hules Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) Reading threads like this and from discussions I've had with my guy friends. I'm starting to think my libido is retarded or something. I can go (and have) gone without any real desire for sex for months/years at a time. Yeah I do masturbate maybe once or twice a week tops, but thats more to relieve sexual tension/relaxation than anything else. If I go out with friends and there is a cute young thing, wearing a short skirt winking at me coyly from across the bar. First thought that usually goes through my head is "Yeah shes pretty" thats about it. Whilst my friends would be thinking "I NEED TO TAKE HER HOME RIGHT NOW AND SIEGE HER FORTRESS!?". Only thing that seems to get my fire going is getting to know a girl and then finding out she is smart (talking about nerdy stuff is like a form of foreplay for me ), to me is a massive turn on and well let's say once that fires been lit its hard to put out *cough* Even then I tend to have the sexual restraint of a monk, my friends think I'm insane. I don't know if its a blessing or a curse. Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules
Intricategirl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Is there a chance that taking the time off, giving yourself some time to get more focused on you and get that spark back was enough to jump start a drive? I ask because this is how I typically function. I take a bit of time off, enjoy it immensely, feel refreshed and recharged, and like I'm ready for a relationship again. It seems to me you are saying that the masturbation is a cause of the desire to meet people again, whereas I'm saying it might be an effect. I don't know your situation or backstory, but I know this is the way I operate.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 LMAO two seconds before reading this thread, I would have started something similar. I have to say I feel the same. Since having taken a break ( and not being in contact with my girlfriend) I noticed I've turned my focus on other things like taking care of my dog and being more socially retarded than ever before. The former is that now I'm giving my dog more attention and love than I used to and the latter, isn't as detrimental as one would imagine. As for sexual drive, I've had also went on a masturbation marathon that involved some strange fantasies and porn watching. Yet, I'm still in that zone where I don't want to date but wouldn't mind being with someone just for sex. It's really, really weird. For some reason, I also feel really emotionally stunted, and I wonder if I will become emotionally distant if and when I do end my break.
welikeincrowds Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I heard something once that losing one's sex drive is like being finally able to unmount a wild stallion. Is that it, actually? I don't know, whatever I read put it in a really great way. Frankly, I would consider it a blessing, but I think sexual passion might be infused all passions for all things, which I would not wish to lose at this time.
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 @Hules I think you are lucky. It might be a curse for any partner you have sometimes, but I don't see it as a curse for you. @Intricategirl I see what you are saying. I don't think it is the case for me, as I rarely have a desire to be in a relationship. My lessons learnt earlier this year, were that (a) intellectually I don't want an LTR, (b) when I am having sex with someone, I get emotionally attached, and thus emotionally would prefer an LTR over casual sex, © the guys I am attracted me would not consider me for anything other then casual sex, and even then lose interest pretty quickly. For me I actually have no desire to socialise at the moment, but when I am masturbating I am getting really turned on, and so it is more the desire for a sexual encounter more satisfying then masturbation that I want. I don't get the feeling that I care too much about the hypothetical person that would be providing such satisfaction. Thus it is not so much a desire to meet people. @xpaperxcutx As always, we seem to be on the same page. Good to see you again, I have been wondering where you were. @welikeincrowds That's a good analogy. And it's a hard one to balance. If I felt that losing my sexual desire made me feel less loving and caring to others, that would be horrible. Fortunately for me it seems to be the opposite effect.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Let me tell you how beaten down I am. I was at my university to pick up some papers. I had to feed the meter (here in Chicago we have this absurd meters that take credit cards). As I was waiting for my card to process walking up the block was this tall, leggy, blonder than blonde, model perfect woman. I was so uninterested...more concerned with the meter, and needing to use the restroom that I couldn't even make sustained eye contact with her. Our eyes did meet for a bit. It's like I have lost all my mojo. It was one of those situations where with sustained eye contact I could have gotten a look back. I did look to see if she would give a look back anyway... no luck there. cest le vie.
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Let me tell you how beaten down I am. I was at my university to pick up some papers. I had to feed the meter (here in Chicago we have this absurd meters that take credit cards). As I was waiting for my card to process walking up the block was this tall, leggy, blonder than blonde, model perfect woman. I was so uninterested...more concerned with the meter, and needing to use the restroom that I couldn't even make sustained eye contact with her. Our eyes did meet for a bit. It's like I have lost all my mojo. It was one of those situations where with sustained eye contact I could have gotten a look back. I did look to see if she would give a look back anyway... no luck there. cest le vie. Great story, I understand. Well I know I am not looking the part. I saw a great looking guy at a cafe with his friends, I was checking him out wondering what sort of move I can take if any, he never even looked up. At another cafe, I was just standing there and an attractive guy came to make his order, and I looked up startled, he just thought he had pushed in, didn't even look at me twice. My mojo and attractiveness have eloped.
Hules Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 @Hules I think you are lucky. It might be a curse for any partner you have sometimes, but I don't see it as a curse for you. Believe me once I'm with someone I really dig, its very rarely an issue. With the people I'm closest with in my life, they often describe me as a giver/caretaker and I tend to agree with that description as I find great pleasure in making the people I care about feel good/better about themselves. This naturally means that for my SO making sure their sexual desires are met is very important to me and makes me very happy. However that been said for the people I'm not close with I can come off as having a prickly exterior. So whilst my low libido is great for when I'm single, it might be also part of the reason I am single. It usually takes me a while to warm up to someone in terms of sexual desire for them. Girls all to often, think I'm disinterested or label me as gay (always laugh at this, couldn't be further from the truth.). With all my ex girlfriends, I did not feel sexual desire for them straight away. I was attracted to their personalities. After to getting to know them well then you could say "the beast was released from its cage? :laugh:". So I see it as been a curse and a gift....
Disillusioned Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Hey Guys, I figure it's been about a month since, I gave up on socialising, meeting people and shut down my online dating profile. Also since I was given the advice on here to cease all sexual activity, as a way of decreasing my sex drive. There are pros and cons. I don't need sex in order to live, and nowadays I try to avoid thinking about women because the more I do, the more negative things I realize about dealing with women on a romantic level. The downside is, unfortunately as much as I'd like to, I can't get rid of my need for emotional bonding... that's why I have my Realdoll, to be receptive and not push me away like a real woman would. **BUT,** I found out that for men who wish they could get the sex monkey off their back, there's Androcur...
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