Amour7 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I am tired of being sad over MM. I've shed more than enough tears for now. I just want to stay angry so I stop feeling this hurt. So, indulge me, if you would, in posting something you are angry with your former or current AP about. I am hoping it might fuel my angry fire. I typically am not an angry person at all, but I feel the need to try some different "therapy." So, I will start. I am so angry about how the affair started. I was hurting after I left my lying, a-hole xH, and he swooped in to "befriend" me. Then, after I didn't respond to any of his romantic advances, he told me he was leaving his wife. He was never leaving his wife. Just an entry point for the EA to move to PA.
BB07 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I remember feeling like that......that I liked the anger feeling better than the sad part but..........you have to let yourself feel both of them in order to get past it. Even now going on 9 months sometimes still I will have a memory and there it comes.....pure anger. Funny but when I read your thread, I had to think of something and even when I thought of it, it doesn't make me angry RIGHT NOW but who knows, next week or the week after it might. The feelings of sadness and anger get less and less the more time that passes........I oughta know!
Author Amour7 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 BB, I am happy for you for coming so far, and I truly want to get there, too. Funny what can happen when you put out a request ... Just got an email rant from MM full of expletives. He told me two days ago he needed time and space to "make a decision". After bracing myself to hear what I didn't want to hear, I decided I didn't want to wait around. So I wrote that I would make it easier on both of us and say good bye. Boy, he did not like that. Angry MM alert. But I am very proud of myself. I am not rushing to "fix it." I am just fine with the anger . Although ironic to write that and follow it with a smiley
BB07 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 BB, I am happy for you for coming so far, and I truly want to get there, too. Funny what can happen when you put out a request ... Just got an email rant from MM full of expletives. He told me two days ago he needed time and space to "make a decision". After bracing myself to hear what I didn't want to hear, I decided I didn't want to wait around. So I wrote that I would make it easier on both of us and say good bye. Boy, he did not like that. Angry MM alert. But I am very proud of myself. I am not rushing to "fix it." I am just fine with the anger . Although ironic to write that and follow it with a smiley You really CAN get there Amour....I promise but you've have to cut him off to do it. Full of expletives uh.......that should piss you off. Something I tell myself very often is love is not supposed to hurt. There isn't any relationship that is a bed of roses but still...........affairs hurt too much and love is not supposed to be that way. We are not required to suffer for love!
Author Amour7 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Something I tell myself very often is love is not supposed to hurt. There isn't any relationship that is a bed of roses but still...........affairs hurt too much and love is not supposed to be that way. We are not required to suffer for love! You're right! I need to figure out why I have a pattern of staying in relationships that hurt. It's not what I want and I know I deserve better.
mizliz Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 You're right! I need to figure out why I have a pattern of staying in relationships that hurt. It's not what I want and I know I deserve better. Amour: Indulge me for a minute. You are experiencing real grief - you need to get some help to uncover and purge yourself. I don't want to say much here, but pm me, ok? Anger is good. You will find that sadness is underneath, and you need to experience it so you can heal.
rainier Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 At some point, anger is better than sadness. It makes you push forward rather than stay down. I an waffling back and forth with both emotions but would much rather be angry than sad. My MM would never make definite plans. His schedule or mood would change and I would bend. It never really seemed to matter what my plans were because I would do whatever to see him. I hope you can pull through and be a support. Armour, you seem like a caring person and I am sorry that you are being played. I realize now how much time I would spend trying to control the situation so he would react in a certain way but in the end, I usually felt empty because the same scenario would play out later. You are a true resource here so thank you for your kind heart
greengoddess Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Be angry over the time he has taken up and wasted in your life. That makes me the angriest. No one has a right to steal years of someones life with lies.
TigerCub Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Ooooh, lots of things made me angry: - lying about having a second child with his GF - playing the martyr and saying he's there for the kids - when he's just hurting them by living in such dysfunction, not being home, cheating on their mother a LOT (we weren't even having sex), but he sure did with a LOT of other women. - Getting really vicious and mean with me when I'm close to discovering a "truth" about one of his lies. - Just being the cause of the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever experienced. I have never cried as much as I did in the "relationship" I had with him. - For wearing a lot of masks and pretending to be something he's not. - **For just being a scared punk-a$$ lil coward!!** But most of all - I was mad at myself for allowing all that crap to happen. It doesn't take away from the anger I felt towards him, but letting it happen and participating was all on me. I'm not saying that to preach, but honestly realizing that, makes it easier to walk away, to stay away.
BB07 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Tiger brought up something that is important....I think part of healing is allowing yourself to be angry at yourself. Yes I know that sounds silly......and no it's not good to dwell on it or stew in it forever but the anger at yourself allows you to come to the realization that you will take better care of yourself in the future and not allow yourself to get into such a situation again. Just don't do anything destructive with that anger because you also need to forgive yourself.
Noregret Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I am new to this forum posting wise, but this forum has pretty much helped me get over my xMM over the last 8 months. One thing, do not try to replace one emotion with another. It is important to feel both and maybe in a few weeks-months, you will look back at this and take it as a part of your life that happened. I remember saying to myself, "either this can make me or this can break me." and then I told myself, "I aint letting nothing break me..." CRY CRY CRY, let it out completely... One day tears will dry out. The only thing that really made me mad was " I never take crap from anyone...and I let him take advantage of me.." what's more? I confessed to him one time that I am vulnerable to him, and guess what he said, "I know...and maybe I take advantage of that....." VOILA! And what do I do, I make it seem unheard and let him hurt me more.... That's it. We work together, one day he is happy, next day he looks at me like he is going to gulp me down. I just tune out, stay busy, laugh with EVERYONE, do fun stuff, and don't let anger get best of me!
ladydesigner Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Ooh I love the angry threads. My XOM (who has a long-term girlfriend) when ending the A over email says I can't do THIS anymore but I still wanna f**k you. No thanks:sick: F**king loser Sorry this is the only thing I am ever stuck on anymore in regards to my A, which never should have happened in the first place *sigh*
Jane Deaux Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Yesterday I was very angry. Talked to my bff last evening and she always gets me to a better place. So last night I was better. At a better place in my head. More of a definitive place rather than just wandering indefinitely in my mind. Still some anger there, but it's not consuming me. I'm just thinking logically right now. Hope it lasts a few days at least before I slip back into insanity. Oh yeah, Angry because there is/was no effort on his part. Just sorta, when I can I will, if not, oh well. But to be perfectly honest, he never promised anything else, and really, he said, not in those exact words, that it would be that way. So I don't know what right I had to be angry. I guess sometimes no matter what is said you just have these expectations that are only setting you up for disappointment and heartache.
20Seconds Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 For sleeping with me for a year with the sole intention of meeting his own needs and to hell with anyone elses' feelings, needs or wants. I have tried NC, only allowing an EA, and nearly fallen back into a PA more times than I care to think of over the last 6 months. I have cried more tears in the last 18 months than I ever thought possible. Well, this week, to hell with him, is all I can think about. He is still insisting he "wants to be friends". He is not, and never will be, my friend. Good luck Amour, I think you are doing really well.
ladydesigner Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 For sleeping with me for a year with the sole intention of meeting his own needs and to hell with anyone elses' feelings, needs or wants. I have tried NC, only allowing an EA, and nearly fallen back into a PA more times than I care to think of over the last 6 months. I have cried more tears in the last 18 months than I ever thought possible. Well, this week, to hell with him, is all I can think about. He is still insisting he "wants to be friends". He is not, and never will be, my friend. Good luck Amour, I think you are doing really well. You said this one right. Why oh why do they insist on being friends?...It's maddening!!! To hell with all of them I say:laugh:
Author Amour7 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Thank you for your posts. I am sorry for the ways you were hurt and taken advantage of. And/but, I also appreciated hearing your stories. Sh**, I wish I was feeling mad tonight. Instead I'm crying my eyes out again; my chest hurts from sobbing. He texted me that he picked up the last of his stuff from my place, then texted me goodbye. It is just now sinking in that he really is gone. Oh God it hurts.
White Flower Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 So, I will start. I am so angry about how the affair started. I was hurting after I left my lying, a-hole xH, and he swooped in to "befriend" me. Then, after I didn't respond to any of his romantic advances, he told me he was leaving his wife. He was never leaving his wife. Just an entry point for the EA to move to PA.Oooh Amour7, I don't have anything to be angry about, but can I just punch your guy's lights out for you?
Author Amour7 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Oooh Amour7, I don't have anything to be angry about, but can I just punch your guy's lights out for you? Oh yes, please! Thanks. You got me to chuckle a little.
Jane Deaux Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Oh Amour (((((((((((amour)))))))))) So sorry you are hurting right now. I had a small bout of that this afternoon. Chest starting hurting, couldn't breathe, crying. It physically hurts. Really so sorry you are going through this. Not many words to tell you right now because you already know. You will get past it. Even though it feels as if you couldn't love anyone more. Plenty of people have and do move on to love someone else even more than they thought they could. I know, Im not helping. Nothing helps right now. Words are empty and will be for a few days. Cry until the words start having an effect.
TigerCub Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Thank you for your posts. I am sorry for the ways you were hurt and taken advantage of. And/but, I also appreciated hearing your stories. Sh**, I wish I was feeling mad tonight. Instead I'm crying my eyes out again; my chest hurts from sobbing. He texted me that he picked up the last of his stuff from my place, then texted me goodbye. It is just now sinking in that he really is gone. Oh God it hurts. That in bold is ALL about the drama. Its done for the effect of "goodbye my love, I hope later in life we meet again" I understand all your pain, but sometimes these people milk it. They know exactly what they're doing, they know what to say, and they know how to pull on our heartstrings and play with our sentimental side. Its so much easier to see it for what it is, after NC has gone on for a while, when you're more detached. You will get there. There's no shame in crying, there's no shame in being hurt. Feel what you feel and I hope that in time you will see the whole picture for what it is. **HUGS**
20Seconds Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Amour I find the anger and the sadness come in cycles even now, even after so long NOT being physical. I know the only way to stop the feelings is NC, hard for me because I am work with MM and the reminders are always there. I think the "can;t we just be friends" thing also feeds the drama. I'd warn you not to go down that route. I don't think, as far as I know, that I have any good friends who are serial cheats, and I'm not sure, if I knew someone was, whether I would count on them as a proper friend. I've avoided the drama this time by going NC again without actually telling MM that is what I am doing. Day 3 so far.
KineticsEng Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Tiger brought up something that is important....I think part of healing is allowing yourself to be angry at yourself. Yes I know that sounds silly......and no it's not good to dwell on it or stew in it forever but the anger at yourself allows you to come to the realization that you will take better care of yourself in the future and not allow yourself to get into such a situation again. Just don't do anything destructive with that anger because you also need to forgive yourself. Maybe ill get mad at myself one day for engaging in my affair. But you know what? This affair has really thought me a lot about myself. And I think im going to be a better man for it. (with the exception of hurting my wife and the OW H) Honestly....... with the exception of the hurt Ive helped inflict and still may inflict ( if my wife ever finds out), I loved every second of my affair. We had ups and downs....... but I really love that woman; In ways Ive never loved anyone before. And now its over. And today... im feel 10,000 times better than yesterday. I wish her the best... and I I look forward to living with the new me.....
Author Amour7 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Oh Amour (((((((((((amour)))))))))) So sorry you are hurting right now. I had a small bout of that this afternoon. Chest starting hurting, couldn't breathe, crying. It physically hurts. Really so sorry you are going through this. Not many words to tell you right now because you already know. You will get past it. Even though it feels as if you couldn't love anyone more. Plenty of people have and do move on to love someone else even more than they thought they could. I know, Im not helping. Nothing helps right now. Words are empty and will be for a few days. Cry until the words start having an effect. Thanks, Jane. Yes, it does help to have someone who understands. I hope today was better for you.
Author Amour7 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Amour I find the anger and the sadness come in cycles even now, even after so long NOT being physical. I know the only way to stop the feelings is NC, hard for me because I am work with MM and the reminders are always there. I think the "can;t we just be friends" thing also feeds the drama. I'd warn you not to go down that route. I don't think, as far as I know, that I have any good friends who are serial cheats, and I'm not sure, if I knew someone was, whether I would count on them as a proper friend. I've avoided the drama this time by going NC again without actually telling MM that is what I am doing. Day 3 so far. Proud of you for 3 days! I agree with you about the "can't we just be friends" thing. We tried that before and it always went back to an A. I am feeling like he really doesn't deserve me as a friend. Sometimes I fantasize that we will be able to get along as friends again and share the emotional connection we had, but obviously that's a horrible idea. An addict can't have her dealer on speed dial... Good luck avoiding the drama.
Author Amour7 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 That in bold is ALL about the drama. Its done for the effect of "goodbye my love, I hope later in life we meet again" I understand all your pain, but sometimes these people milk it. They know exactly what they're doing, they know what to say, and they know how to pull on our heartstrings and play with our sentimental side. Its so much easier to see it for what it is, after NC has gone on for a while, when you're more detached. You will get there. There's no shame in crying, there's no shame in being hurt. Feel what you feel and I hope that in time you will see the whole picture for what it is. **HUGS** Good point. I think this is what kept me hooked in for so long. He could always play to my sentimental side. This helps me put it in perspective. His goodbye text was an angry one, and he wanted to get to me that way. Normally I would rush to make things better if he was angry. Done with that.
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