John88 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone, First poster, and I really need some advice! I'm a 22 year old college student and I've been dating my girlfriend now for almost a year and half. This semester she decided to study abroad in Italy. We were really close just before she left, and we decided to try and make it work. She's a great girl, fun to be around, and she loves to drink and go dancing. Not with other guys, she just dances by herself! Unfortunately it was hard from the start because her Internet was so poor. We could barely Skype, so we just sent emails to each every few days. We couldn't talk on the phone either. At first I never worried about her. And then over time, I started imagining her with other guys and dancing and it just started building. She never gave me a reason to think that, but I just couldn't help it. Last month, I went out to visit her, and things were going okay but then I brought up the trust issues I was having. I probably didn't bring them up in the best way. And ever since then things have been weird. We've had a lot of long talks since then, and I've made some more unfair accusations. I feel like I screwed this up. She says sometimes "I never thought we were the couple that would have this problem.." I don't know what to do to rebuild trust anymore. I really want to make this work, and I think she does too, but she says she needs her space. We're supposed to go on a cruise in the summer when she gets back, and I'm just hoping we make it until then. She's also said she wants to live it up as much as possible in the next few weeks because its her last chance, and I just worry a lot because we're on such shaky ground. But I want her to have a good time too and I always tell her to go out and have a good time! So two days ago, realizing everything's been going downhill lately, we had a long talk I asked her this week if she would want to Skype every day to try and rebuild the relationship. That seemed to pushed her away. She was willing to compromise on every other day though, but she says she still needs space. I know she's out having a good time. Should I just give her space? Or will space only make us more distant from each other? She comes home in a month, but that just seems so far away. Is this relationship salvagable? What should I do? Edited April 6, 2011 by John88
folieadeux Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 She's coming back in a month. You really need to relax and let her enjoy her time abroad or risk your entire relationship. From what you posted, she isn't doing anything wrong. She's having a once in a lifetime experience right now; you can't expect her to spend hours on end in front of the computer every day. That's why she's pushing you away -- give her some breathing room.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 you cannot rebuild trust that was never broken, like folieadeux said, she did not do anything wrong. perhaps the difficulty of the communication made you a bit paranoid. but this is not her fault, it was an unavoidable circumstance. you just have to trust her. anyway, she is coming back and that should ease your worries.
Author John88 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) I know... I know... ugh I wrote her an email on Monday and basically told her everything that went wrong, and how I take complete responsibility for it all. I apologized, and said we probably need some space to heal now and that she should go have fun and enjoy her remaining time there. She responded today saying she needs time to figure out what she wants and how she feels. I can't blame her. She says all this pushed her away, and she doesn't know what it will take for her to come back. But... she says she's hoping and praying that when she gets back things will go back to normal. I guess that's one good sign...She also said she wants to Skype soon. So I'm just going to give her space now. I'm not planning on writing any love notes or anything for the time being because I feel like she needs to find a way to come back first. Is that a good idea? Also, what sorts of things should I tell her and talk about when we skype next? Edited April 7, 2011 by John88
bestrong Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Just let her have fun and prove it to her that you are giving her space. Don't bombard her with emails or request for skype. Let her know you want her to enjoy her stay in Italy. A "miss you" at the end of the email won't hurt, but don't talk about how insecure you are and all the stuff in your head.
folieadeux Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Keep the conversation light; you don't want to push her away even more.
Recommended Posts