angie16 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 ok guys i have to share this because it's out of control. It's really really really the most insane dating story that has ever happened, and it happened to me last night. So I have been dating this guy for 2 months -- it's been going well -- we made plans to go away for memorial day and i really liked him. We met thru his sister who is a friend of mine. (so i know about his dating past). He dated a woman for 8 years and they broke up 2 years ago. I know that his ex has moved on and has a new boyfriend that she lives with. In any case last night we're at dinner and he invited me to his birthday party saturday night. I was really excited to get the invite and we chatted about it all on the way back to my place. We're picking out a movie to watch and he says to me "hey, (sara) is going to be there on saturday btw. " I'm like, yeah that's fine, it's great that you're friends with your ex. And he says to me, with a straight face -- "well, i mean i dont want it to be awkward for you, because she's my girlfriend". and I"m like -- but you guys broke up 2 years ago - isn't she dating a new guy -- and living with him? and he's like - well I mean she may want to get back to me, i mean we haven't had sex in over 2 years but i still consider her my girlfriend, i dont care who she's seeing or living with. and I'm like - so what are we doing? and he's like well i thought i told you last month that she's still my girlfriend. i was like -- no -- because if you had done that i wouldn't have continued dating you. and he's like - are you mad at me? I don't understand. We're dating and all but i mean if she wants to get back with me i need to make sure you have a ride home, cause I'm going to leave w her. i told him to leave and called his sister. she confirmed that he is NOT in a relationship with the ex and that she and her mom and been trying to get him therapy to get over her, and they thought he had finnaly come to terms since we had started dated. clearly not. his sister also said that she's worried and that he TRULY believes he's still in a realtionship with the ex. I am in shock and honestly can't believe it. he's been texting me all day asking why I'm upset -- and i am coming to realize that he really thinks that everyone still sees them as a couple -- even though she's coming to his bday with her boyfriend!!! i'm clearly done and i'm really bummed out. this is why dating sucks.
tinktronik Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Wow. I think you got an unusual one. Don't let this tarnish dating for you and don't reply to this guy. He may seem nice enough but he is seriously messed up.
threebyfate Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Wow, that's got to be one of the most unusual scenarios read on LS. Boy, did he do you a favour clarifying where he stood! Can't even imagine what that must feel like.
Author angie16 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 honestly i was sad earlier but i am just so happy it happened now and not in a few months - it really would have been horrible if we had gone away together and he said that to me.
Hurtbunny Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Seriously... WOW. I thought I had a story to top everyone. You just ****ed all over it. I mean, we've all had elements of not being able to accept our big exes's moving on without us, but with time you let go of it, Clearly he hasn't. I don't think you can be mad at him at this point as he is obviously very very troubled and needs help. With people like this they can get very angry when you tell me the truth so I wouldn't even advise you to have further contact with him.
Hurtbunny Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Also - 8 years is a very long time. Emotionally and spiritually he is still very much entangled with this woman. I know I became somewhat delusional about my ex in a sense - thinking he was still my boyfriend and going to come back to me for a few weeks after... but I guess reality kicks in and you let go of it. Why on earth did he start dating you if he 'delusuionally' believes he is still with his gf? Do you think in his twisted mind it will be a ploy to get her jealous at the party and get her back? Also, don't you think his sister has a responsibility to tell his ex about this and protect her and her partners safety at the meeting? When things don't go according to his 'plan', he might very well turn nasty........... Its like something out of a movie and is honestly one of the most messed up things I've heard, but these things do happen. His way of dealing with the grief of losing her was to not accept it, i'm sure this happens to a lot of people but the dating someone else and not even telling them strikes me as incredibly odd.
tinktronik Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is it at all possible that him and his ex are still sleeping together?
Hurtbunny Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 The more I am thinking about this, the more peturbed I am becoming. Stay the hell away from this man OP, i beg you. I think his sister should ensure his ex and their partner DO NOT attend his party and know that their safety is in danger, and they should get some help for him immediately. I don't even think he should have a party. This could be leading towards a complete mental breakdown for him, as up until now his 'fantasy' has not been burst. When he sees ex with new boyfriend+ by the end of the night she isn't crawling back to him? Fireworks.
threebyfate Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 While this is really freaky, is there a difference between someone who dates who's not over their ex and this guy? Both still live in their fantasies.
Leeway Harris Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 While this is really freaky, is there a difference between someone who dates who's not over their ex and this guy? Both still live in their fantasies. Are you joking? OF COURSE there's difference between someone who hasn't worked out all their feelings from a past relationship and a person whose grip on reality is so weak that he literally believes he's still in a relationship that ended a long time ago!
threebyfate Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Are you joking? OF COURSE there's difference between someone who hasn't worked out all their feelings from a past relationship and a person whose grip on reality is so weak that he literally believes he's still in a relationship that ended a long time ago!To their respective partners, there's no difference since both are emotionally unavailable. In some ways, this guy is being more honest.
daphne Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Lemme guess. You met this can of crazy online? I'm sorry you didn't find this out sooner.
Author angie16 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 actually here's the thing -- she has been around him with her new boyfriend for the entire 2 years. I asked him that question and he was like, we'll it doesn't matter who she's with - I still consider her my girlfriend. I really am not angry, i'm sad that something that seeemed like it was going well is over, but I'm sure I'll be over it soon. I also questioned how he could date me and still have a "girlfriend". he said that he really liked me and wanted to spend time and do things with me -- basically a placeholder -- and I"m worth more than that. Hopefully he'll get help but at the end of day i just want to meet someone that's actually "available". And yes, this is the craziest dating experience I've ever had.
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