BeginAgain Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He even suggested just hanging out as friends, so I may just take him up on that offer if I make it clear that I'm not looking for anything from him (even to allow him to pay for me), but I don't know about that at all. Please don't. You can't be friends with him. He has already demonstrated how he feels and it isn't platonic. Guys being friends with girls they like is a foot in the door approach. Then he'll hope he can shimmy all the way in. No matter what he says or you say about your status he'll want in and will be trying to get with you if you spend any time with him. If you are ever out with him don't let him ever pay for you. Pay for yourself. If he starts paying then he'll think you are open to a relationship and might start thinking you are his next girlfriend. When a man pays for a woman who isn't a long time friend and she accepts you are actually accepting an invitation to be his no matter what the scenario is. Always insist on paying your own way unless you are interested in the guy. This is mixed signals 101.
Hules Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) He even suggested just hanging out as friends, so I may just take him up on that offer if I make it clear that I'm not looking for anything from him (even to allow him to pay for me), but I don't know about that at all. Bad lil bad, this guy doesn't want to be your friend. I don't know if you read my final post about your guy "friends" in your other thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3324764&postcount=52 If you don't want to read it all, here is the important part of my post. God can't believe I'm about to quote myself. Lil I think you will find most of your guy "friends" are not really your friends. They are most likely one of the following: A) Too pussy to ask you out directly, and think if they spend lots of time with you been nice etc, that you will magically one day wake up and go "OMG! xxx is such a awesome guy, I just never realised!" (Which is retarded and not your fault at all but lots of guys do this.) B) Variation of A, They met you and thought "wow shes hot, I'll make my moves on her.... oh **** she has a boyfriend, thats cool I'll just hang around as a "friend" until they break up, then she will be all mine *rubs hands together*" (Once again retarded but lots of guys do it.) C) This is the one where your behavior could be misinterpreted, Guy thinks "wow lil flirts with me a lot she must really dig me but is playing hard to get or <insert a dozen other stupid reasons here>". He will go tell his friends about how much you secretly want him. Friends like me will tell him hes "been a idiot and wasting his time *rolls eyes* " by this point he has you on a giant pedestal and will blow up in my face "NA MAN LILS ****ING CRAZY ABOUT ME YOU DONT KNOW ****!?" (I have had this happen..... guess what she wasn't crazy about him). Situation A and B I have little sympathy for C will feel like hes been lead on and will be really upset. If you however read the rest of the post you get a great example of what your friends will become in a few years time *thumbs up*. Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules
Hules Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) Actually... now that I do think about it something I did last year could be considered a "rebound moment". http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3327431&postcount=172 Luckily we were both mature enough to resist our urges. The only reason it even happened is because we were both very emotionally vulnerable at that point. I felt terrible afterwards and was actually physically sick (vomiting). Before anyone makes any snide remarks its not because shes ugly or anything. She is a very attractive girl, I just don't see her that way I just felt so terrible about what had happened. I don't think I would of ever been able to forgive myself if our friendship had of been ruined because of that moment or if I had hurt her feelings. Luckily as I said we were both mature enough to resist anything further and we are still really good friends today . Overall I don't recommend it lil it made me feel much worse. Because I now was dealing with the feeling of my ex and worried about losing a close friend. Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules
Author Lilmisus Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Don't worry y'all, I was mainly just joking around about the last part of just being friends with him. I know what guys like him are looking for - I have had plenty of guy friends, some of who have made moves on me. To tell him that I wanted to go shoot pool as a friend, probably wouldn't just be a kick in the stomach for him, but also his little way of trying to get what he wants as well. No, I think I'll just forget all about this guy, and hope that I didn't bust his ego too bad by not wanting to go out with him and for "leading him on" for a couple of days. Ah well, he'll get over it
Hules Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Don't worry y'all, I was mainly just joking around about the last part of just being friends with him. I know what guys like him are looking for - I have had plenty of guy friends, some of who have made moves on me. To tell him that I wanted to go shoot pool as a friend, probably wouldn't just be a kick in the stomach for him, but also his little way of trying to get what he wants as well. No, I think I'll just forget all about this guy, and hope that I didn't bust his ego too bad by not wanting to go out with him and for "leading him on" for a couple of days. Ah well, he'll get over it You did the right thing, taking the high road and not abusing him for free stuff. Even though I'm starting to think hes a bit of an idiot anyway, shows good character not using other people. He will get over it, might be a little bruised on his ego. At least he won't be fuming mad and won't start spreading rumors about you been a user and abuser. Small chance he might if he has what I call "small man syndrome" but you can honestly say you didn't go out with him, didn't abuse him for free food/drinks etc. So anything he might say won't stick.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 You did the right thing, taking the high road and not abusing him for free stuff. Even though I'm starting to think hes a bit of an idiot anyway, shows good character not using other people. He will get over it, might be a little bruised on his ego. At least he won't be fuming mad and won't start spreading rumors about you been a user and abuser. Small chance he might if he has what I call "small man syndrome" but you can honestly say you didn't go out with him, didn't abuse him for free food/drinks etc. So anything he might say won't stick. If he's as good of a guy as he tried to make me think he was, then he wouldn't try anything like that and would be as "understanding" as he was when I told him I wasn't sure about dating yet. More than likely that was just him trying to play his cards right to get what he wanted (he even told me: don't you hate it when you hear a sad song and you want to cry, after a breakup? Shh, don't tell anyone I said that!"). Haha, I think I dodged a bullet, so once again, thanks for helping me see clearly..hopefully he finds someone who's actually willing to be a rebound for him.
Hules Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 don't you hate it when you hear a sad song and you want to cry, after a breakup? Shh, don't tell anyone I said that!". Your welcome Urrrg... what a load of crap. Yeah I think you dodged a bullet indeed.
BeginAgain Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 You did the right thing, taking the high road and not abusing him for free stuff. Even though I'm starting to think hes a bit of an idiot anyway, shows good character not using other people. He will get over it, might be a little bruised on his ego. At least he won't be fuming mad and won't start spreading rumors about you been a user and abuser. Small chance he might if he has what I call "small man syndrome" but you can honestly say you didn't go out with him, didn't abuse him for free food/drinks etc. So anything he might say won't stick. It depends on the audience. We just got to hear the story from the girl's side and as a guy I would avoid her like the plague in the future. There is too much ambiguity, girly drama, and playing the field nonsense. She doesn't know what she wants and that's a very sure way to get in a failed relationship. Your welcome Urrrg... what a load of crap. Yeah I think you dodged a bullet indeed. It does sound unlikely but there is no magical rainbow bridge between a man and a woman that he can just cross to get to her. Sometimes you say cutesy things that aren't entirely true to seem less threatening or you know women are likely to want to hear from a man. There is no malevolent intention. You are just trying to win her over. A woman is a lot like a arched alley cat hissing at you backing up into a corner as you try to approach. You mean her no harm but at some point you will need to use cunning and the tools at your disposal. Eventually it does become sort of by any means necessary. Some will feel an ethical or moral dilemma but you have to get over it because you do need her. Out and out lying will only hurt you but the gray area truths you'll need to use are more interesting to women over the plain truth. I could have used that line and not have been completely lying. Songs like Goldsboro's honey I can't listen to all of the time. They make me tear up way too much. In my childhood and teens music and scenes in movies/tv series I found sad wouldn't cause me to cry yet I would get a little choked up. Maybe it was some point in my twenties things changed. It might have had something to do with some hormone present at higher levels when growing up was no longer there or at much lower levels. I would cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason. Sure I found the song or moment sad but it wasn't sadness brought on in the normal expected fashion I was use to. It feels strange and almost out of body. Otherwise I am pretty emotionless and unempathetic.
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