Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 There were so many highs and lows with him. Anyone has this issue? He starts feeling like he should be punished so he avoids the world and shuts down. He ignores me, his wife, his friends. His wife and I become every name in the book. I become the adultress though I'm going through a divorce as well. How can he say the sweetest most gentle words on earth and then call me the worst names in the dictionary? One minute he tells me it'll be ok. The next it's "your mean to me, I'm done with you" He acts like a child. Part of me wishes I could talk to him to make sure he is ok and not hurting himself. Part of me thinks he is with his wife sleeping with her. He has ten days left to finalize the divorce. I'm watching the site to see if they go through with it. He used to be in the armed forces...where is the man? He is scared of his lover? If she does divorce he will be alone. He KNOWS I am not coming back
BB07 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 There were so many highs and lows with him. Anyone has this issue? He starts feeling like he should be punished so he avoids the world and shuts down. He ignores me, his wife, his friends. His wife and I become every name in the book. I become the adultress though I'm going through a divorce as well. How can he say the sweetest most gentle words on earth and then call me the worst names in the dictionary? One minute he tells me it'll be ok. The next it's "your mean to me, I'm done with you" He acts like a child. Part of me wishes I could talk to him to make sure he is ok and not hurting himself. Part of me thinks he is with his wife sleeping with her. He has ten days left to finalize the divorce. I'm watching the site to see if they go through with it. He used to be in the armed forces...where is the man? He is scared of his lover? If she does divorce he will be alone. He KNOWS I am not coming back Are you saying your mm or his bs are on this site?
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I'm sorry. I watch the public record site for the county. MM nor his STBXW are on this site.
carhill Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 How can he say the sweetest most gentle words on earth and then call me the worst names in the dictionary?I'm assuming the thread title is conjecture, as 'light switch' behavioral changes can be a hallmark of the disease, but it must be diagnosed by a mental health professional. Emotional instability during time of stress doesn't necessary indicate bi-polar or any other mental/personality disorder. I'm experienced such MW's as an OM and, retrospectively, I see the health in distance from them. It can be a crazy-making place. My sympathies....
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I'm assuming the thread title is conjecture, as 'light switch' behavioral changes can be a hallmark of the disease, but it must be diagnosed by a mental health professional. Emotional instability during time of stress doesn't necessary indicate bi-polar or any other mental/personality disorder. I'm experienced such MW's as an OM and, retrospectively, I see the health in distance from them. It can be a crazy-making place. My sympathies.... He was diagnosed. They are trying to tell him that it's his disease that made him fall in love me with me. He is hurting. They are telling him that he is sick. He is mentally hurting himself over this and of course making me the bad guy (girl) because he can't handle all of it I guess. So much to handle.
carhill Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 He was diagnosed. They are trying to tell him that it's his disease that made him fall in love me with me.How are his meds working? Was he medicated at the time of the 'light switch' behaviors? TBH, what you were/are sharing sounds like unmedicated behavior. Also, who are 'they'? This doesn't sound like typical psychological therapy to me. Disclaimer: Caregiver of a paraphrenic and my best friend's wife is a medicated bi-polar. I have some practical experience with the psychometrics, having spent hours with neuropsychometrists during the diagnosis and treatment of my mother's disease.
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I think he uses it as an excuse. The feel sorry for me.
spice4life Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He was diagnosed. They are trying to tell him that it's his disease that made him fall in love me with me. He is hurting. They are telling him that he is sick. He is mentally hurting himself over this and of course making me the bad guy (girl) because he can't handle all of it I guess. So much to handle. I'm sorry, but that just sounds horrible. I know people who are bipolar and are living very normal lives and happen to be in very loving relationships. It is not fair for people to label someone as sick just because they have feelings. I know someone who is bipolar, they divorced and found someone who is perfect for them. A loving, intelligent, compassionate soul and they have a wonderful relationship. I'm sorry but labeling someone as sick because of this disorder is not compassionate...it's just wrong.
Author Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 I'm sorry, but that just sounds horrible. I know people who are bipolar and are living very normal lives and happen to be in very loving relationships. It is not fair for people to label someone as sick just because they have feelings. I know someone who is bipolar, they divorced and found someone who is perfect for them. A loving, intelligent, compassionate soul and they have a wonderful relationship. I'm sorry but labeling someone as sick because of this disorder is not compassionate...it's just wrong. Thank you. I think so as well. When I say "they" I'm speaking of his wife, his parents. His wife told me "I don't like sex". He acted normal to me and his meds were fine. The 'bipolar' apparently only hits him when he gets caught in a lie.
tinktronik Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I'm sorry, but that just sounds horrible. I know people who are bipolar and are living very normal lives and happen to be in very loving relationships. It is not fair for people to label someone as sick just because they have feelings. I know someone who is bipolar, they divorced and found someone who is perfect for them. A loving, intelligent, compassionate soul and they have a wonderful relationship. I'm sorry but labeling someone as sick because of this disorder is not compassionate...it's just wrong. This disorder is a sickness. If the MM is unmedicated he is not making clear choices and is most likely acting on sheer impulse. It is very common for an unmedicated person to become involved in affairs and to make decisions, like divorcing, on impulses they would very likely not have made had their mental process become clearer. Bipolar disorder is not just a disorder of feelings, but one of disorganized thinking and behavior as well. OP I would very, very strongly suggest before you move any further into the process of making a life with MM that you educate yourself as to what this disease is and how it will affect your life and that of your loved ones. Educate yourself so that you know what it is to be the partner of a mentally ill person, and by default their closest caretaker.
Author Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 This disorder is a sickness. If the MM is unmedicated he is not making clear choices and is most likely acting on sheer impulse. It is very common for an unmedicated person to become involved in affairs and to make decisions, like divorcing, on impulses they would very likely not have made had their mental process become clearer. Bipolar disorder is not just a disorder of feelings, but one of disorganized thinking and behavior as well. OP I would very, very strongly suggest before you move any further into the process of making a life with MM that you educate yourself as to what this disease is and how it will affect your life and that of your loved ones. Educate yourself so that you know what it is to be the partner of a mentally ill person, and by default their closest caretaker. I have read about this disorder, I talked with a therapist and my dr about it as well. I've been with him a year and lived with him.
tinktronik Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I have read about this disorder, I talked with a therapist and my dr about it as well. I've been with him a year and lived with him. Is your MM currently medicated?
Author Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Is your MM currently medicated?yes he is.
tinktronik Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 yes he is. If you feel he is behaving in a way that is not typical to his behavior or that he may have stopped taking his meds you should go with him to his next dr. appt. or encourage him to speak to his therapist.
Author Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 If you feel he is behaving in a way that is not typical to his behavior or that he may have stopped taking his meds you should go with him to his next dr. appt. or encourage him to speak to his therapist. I am not with him to see if he takes his meds. He is not acting strange. I said "they" meaning his family accuse him of loving me because he is bipolar.
tinktronik Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 In your opening post you said that he is acting strange, name calling and such. If this is not typical behavior perhaps he is off his meds. If it is typical behavior good luck to you. These things you describe, that I have highlighted in your opening post, are general bipolar behavior, unmedicated or with meds not working; especially the part about acting like a child. There were so many highs and lows with him. Anyone has this issue? He starts feeling like he should be punished so he avoids the world and shuts down. He ignores me, his wife, his friends. His wife and I become every name in the book. I become the adultress though I'm going through a divorce as well. How can he say the sweetest most gentle words on earth and then call me the worst names in the dictionary? One minute he tells me it'll be ok. The next it's "your mean to me, I'm done with you" He acts like a child.
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