Fern Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I'm a pretty confident and independent woman but I'm newly single (8 months now) and ready to get back out there, but I'm totally out of practice at this lark. I've met someone I like and who I'm pretty sure likes me but he's quite shy and a little bit socially awkward. I've been playing it quite cool with him and biting back my natural inclination to be forward. I'm being very flirty and friendly and there's no way he doesn't know I'm attracted to him. Am I right in thinking that letting him make the moves at his own pace is the way to go? He has been contacting me and showing interest and I've been encouraging but not over the top. The chase is one of the major parts of the fun, isn't it?
PJKino Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Both should show interest and let each other know they like the other one Im a laid back shy guy with no luck or confidence with women so for me to approach a women or show interest id like some signs that shes attracted to me and likes me and then i can get the confidence and the green light to try to take it further Neither side should "chase" both should be adults and show some interest and as i said if the guy is shy just give him signs to let him know your interested and if he is he should reciprocate
Author Fern Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 But would it put you off a little if the woman asked you out? Honestly.
PJKino Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But would it put you off a little if the woman asked you out? Honestly. Not at all also keep in mind im 30 and have had no sucess with women so a women showing interest in me would feel like heaven But regardless i find the whole stereotype of a women asking a guy out means shes looked at as desperate is lame and used as a crutch by women who dont want to put themslves out there in fear of rejection
TouchedByViolet Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But would it put you off a little if the woman asked you out? Honestly. I have never felt turned off from a woman asking me out. I think most men would agree with me. Maybe the alpha male types will feel turned off because they see themselves as having that role to play.
Cracker Jack Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But would it put you off a little if the woman asked you out? Honestly. No. I honestly see no reason why someone would be put off by something like that. Really, this entire notion of a woman "looking desperate" or "making the game less fun" by asking out a guy is overblown nonsense.
ivalm Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But would it put you off a little if the woman asked you out? Honestly. It would never put me off if a woman asked me out. If I liked her, I would be ecstatic; however, if I didn't like her, then I would reject her (which I have). Things only turn bad if you go from being proactive to being clingy (ie, calling multiple times a day when he doesn't contact you back).
fishtaco Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I like it when women hit up on me. Less work for me. Excellent.
carhill Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 To me, 'chasing' is where a woman appears emotionally distant and non-engaging and I'm having to 'pursue' her interest and affections. I've run into quite a bit of this dating over the last 30+ years and, absent a couple of really unhealthy exceptions, I disengage when I sense that interest isn't being *shown* in a mutually healthy way. I'd rather be alone. TBH, at this stage of life, I have no interest in playing 'love games'; having dealt with death and divorce in the last couple years, it's time for some peace and quiet and gentle love. YMMV.
threebyfate Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Fern, since this is a shy guy instead of the type I prefer, my advice to you would be to test the waters. Be a little bold and see how he reacts. If he pulls back, you're going to crash and burn if you ask him out. There's no definitive correlation between shyness and being okay to be pursued by a woman. You'll find that some of the shyest men, are also the most judgmental when it comes to male/female dynamics.
Author Fern Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Fern, since this is a shy guy instead of the type I prefer, my advice to you would be to test the waters. Be a little bold and see how he reacts. If he pulls back, you're going to crash and burn if you ask him out. There's no definitive correlation between shyness and being okay to be pursued by a woman. You'll find that some of the shyest men, are also the most judgmental when it comes to male/female dynamics. What sort of thing would you suggest as a way of testing the waters?
threebyfate Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 What sort of thing would you suggest as a way of testing the waters?Have you gotten into physical touching in a flirtatious way? If not, try this and see if he recoils.
musemaj11 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Women can be aggressive under two conditions: 1. The guy is on the shy side. 2. The guy is less attractive. If one of these conditions is met and the guy shows mutual interest, then there is no reason to hold back because if you do, there will only be two outcomes out of it, either he will wait forever or he will finally ask you after a long time.
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