lma Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hi all, Im really glad that I find this forum, people are so helpful and understanding. I find some peace when I see people are working out their problem and getting together or separate for good. I have a long story, please be patient. I had been dating my ex for about a year now. Wr love each other like crazy and we were thinking our future together. Now we had problems too. I found out that her ex was still in touch with her and she is talking to him too. A little background on his ex. They been dating for 3 years and that whole time he had another gf and actually he slept with the other gf while they were staying at my ex's place. He get caught and still she gave him a chance. But it didnt work out. So breakup for good. But the guy was a ego centric guy who couldnt accept that she left her and was constantly try to create problem in our relation. He even broke in my apt at middle of the night to talk to her. Anyways, I was very upset and heart broken, but she promised me its nothing emotional and she contacted because he was keep calling him and he was going through rough time. Then she lied to me to be with him on his birthday. I caught her lie. Again she keep saying its nothing like that and she love me to death. I know its true and i love her too. But I guess I was keeping myself away from her because I was scared to loose her. And eventually it happened. She broke up with me. Its been 5 months now. I did everything right and wrong. Pleading, begging to her. But she is keep saying I still make her feel the same way. Then I went on NC for a month and decide to see her. She was broken into pieces when she saw me. She said she miss me like crazy, she cant think anything other than me, she cant stop thinking about us and she knows how much she loves me and wants to be with me. But she is back with her ex! She is saying she was never ready for this and he talked her into this. She can't accept him and she doesnt love him. After that she is in contact with me, her now bf is basically isolated her from everything. She is under his radar. He drives her everywhere, he checks her email and sms all the time, she stays at her place all the time. he doesn't have a job, so he can do this. But still in between whenever she can, she calls me and we talk for hours. I know you may say she is toying with me. I came to my mind too. But I asked her if she still love me, she said she is madly in love with me. But she still can't shake out the way I make her feel when we were together. I have to say, this is my first relation and I was little shy and was not expressing and communicating properly. But since she left I have been working on to improve myself. She admits she is seeing that Im communicating better and improving. But she keep saying there is something that she still feel that same way and thats what is holding her to come back. She admits she never have doubt about how much I love and care for her. Its just one thing she feels still haven't change. She says if she have to tell me that, than we have no chance. Its something that have to come naturally. I am clueless. I dont want to interfere with her now when she is under radar, because then he would have opportunity to express how much he care for him and everything and I truly cant pin point what is that one thing is keep saying. Please any advise, girls what is that you want to feel when you are with your loved one? Thanks for your time.
Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 She is playing a game, she wants you both. NC is what you have to do and stick to it. She left you for him and although you want her back, you should want her back because of how she feels for you, not her escaping a bad relationship and using you to do that. If you did get back together, you would always be looking out for signs she would run off again, when she is strong enough and that bit of the past will always hinder your future. Keep NC and meet a girl that will love you for who you are, one that you can trust and rely on, it will happen, just like everything else will take time!
Author lma Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks Mov! I know I should keep my distance and I am doing that. But when she comes back to me all broken then I cant hold myself. So far I understood, she didnt use me to came out of that relation, she was truly into me, otherwise she wont be so miserable now. Trusting her is not a problem, its that I dont know how to convince her to get back together. She seems like she wants to be with me with her heart and soul but she wants assurance of some kind.
Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks Mov! I know I should keep my distance and I am doing that. But when she comes back to me all broken then I cant hold myself. So far I understood, she didnt use me to came out of that relation, she was truly into me, otherwise she wont be so miserable now. Trusting her is not a problem, its that I dont know how to convince her to get back together. She seems like she wants to be with me with her heart and soul but she wants assurance of some kind. Its using you as an emotional angle, she knows you care for her and will react if she is upset, the problem is that will destroy you! Tell her how you feel but for the best you have to completely NC. If she comes back after that then you have to make the choice what to do, but don't settle for second best. We all know how we feel and if our partner doesn't feel the same then there might be doubts later!! Stay strong!
Author lma Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 That is my plan. Next time she calls me, I want to tell her that I will and always care for her, but I cant be the other person. I dont wanna be judged while she have somebody in her life. Man, when I look at her and see how much pain she is in and how much she wants to be with me, I cant hold my guard I dont wanna see her like this and want to be with her, but I dont wanna feel the same way that lead to this breakup. Thanks again Mov!
Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 depends on what she wants. If its the same then politely tell her that you care for her but must maintain NC. If it is what you want and she is completely willing to treat the relationship the same as you then you must decide as you know her best. Bottom line is relationships can only really work if you are both committed to each other, if one person isn't then it can't really work. Why lots of us are here, that other person wasn't as committed as many of us!
Author lma Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Hi all, just some update and I feel lost again I was NC with her since she called me last time and all of a sudden she called me on thursday. She was saying she feels lost, breaking down all the time and missing me... but she couldnt talk for long, but she asked me if she could call me on friday. I said off course. So, she called on friday and told me all the things that going wrong with her... she said she is thinking about me all the time and all the thing that went wrong and all the things that she cant forget about me. she is so messed up she have to go to a councilor. I was trying to comfort her as much as I can. we talked over an hour and she had to leave coz she was at work. I felt so bad after I talked to her that I decided to see her after her work. I KNOW big mistake! Anyways I went and and asked her if I could go with her close to her house and get off at the bus station. I was thinking just to cheer her up a little. But she said she would drop me off, coz she dont like the idea that I have to take bus to come back home. She was really tired and want to sleep. Anyways we decided we would go for a coffee and then I said lets drop it because then she wont be able to sleep and she will waste time. All of a sudden she explode and got really upset. She was accusing me that I never listen to her and do what I have in my mind and she was right that she left me. I told her the only reason I said coz she was tired and needed to sleep. She was really pissed and dropped me and left. I know I should not have showed up and waste her time. She was really tired and was lack of sleep. And I understand why she got so upset. I understand she was seeing me to talk about her problem and discuss things with me and I guess I just blew it. Is there anything I can do make it any better? I feel so stupid
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