Winherback Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hey all, hope everyone is dealing with all of the bull sh*t in stride. Easier said than done right? Ok, so me and my girl of like 3 years now have been in an off and on again relationship. Our main issue is communication. She is 5 years younger and is very beautiful. She is very hard to read. Its like she wants a man who says whatever, but yet also needs alot of attention. Its a tough sled. Despite this, we are talking again. And despite everything I do love her, and we have this connection that keeps us together no matter. Anyway, after we split officially last Oct we have had times of NC, but always seem to come back to each other. We spent alot of time together over the holidays and it was great, but for some reason afterwards she became super distant and honestly I pushed things a bit and it pushed her away. About 6 weeks ago we finally had a talk and brought out some of our issues that we knew were hurting us. She finally agreed that she bottles things up and has done a bad job of communicating her needs properly to me. So we have been basically dating since then. Lots of dinners, events, sleep overs, etc,etc,etc.. Its been a slow climb, and we have not had sex nor have we said we are in a committed relationship, nor said we love each other. Just playing it cool and going with the flow. Of note, she claims she feels like she was a eff machine, and we never made love or whatever?? So this time I have not pushed it, and wanted it to come more naturally. Not that I havent laid several hints here and there. So basically we are talking several times a day keeping up with the joneses and having good times. Actually, its been alot of great times, with a couple cool down periods. I pushed away a bit last weekend and she got all offensive and called me crying talking about how she misses the dog (yea thats it),etc. Now she is clamoring for me all week. Even this past Friday she shows up spontaniously with breakfast and its all good. So I have family in town this past weekend, and we didnt seen each other all weekend. I miss her text on late Friday night after not speaking all day (first time in a while) about something non important and dont respond till Sat morning. She is way hungover on Sat morning, but really really sweet on the phone. Has to cut it short and says she will call me back in a bit. Never does. Then Sunday, she is a bit blah and when we talk she has to cut it short and says she will call me back in a bit, and never does. So yesterday she calls, i miss it, and she sends me a text about please doing her taxes on Tuesday as I said I would before but she keeps finding reasons to put off when we are together. I say just ok. Being distant. She responds restating her question, I respond saying possibly tue night works. I call her a bit later to catch up and she sends a text saying she is on the other line and says she will call me in a bit. Well hours go by, and nothing. So I send her a joking text saying wuz up with the no call backs, lately,etc. She sends a text saying she did (never saw her on my incoming call list) and calls me right away. Well, when talking she is overly sweet like nothings going on, saying all the things she did over the weekend which normally she would have talked about them with me already or invited me to. Anyway, I cut the call short and say my boss is calling in on the other line. Tried to call back, no answer. I send a text saying I was going to tell her that I was thinking of getting some cirque due solei tix if she is interested and she says YES!!! So I send her a text seeing if Thurs night is okay? No response for hours. I sent her another text saying I would appreciate a text response because the tix are almost gone. No response at all. Hours later Im like look, if you dont want to go... all good. She responds im sorry. busy night. Yes thursday. What time? (She is very rarely busy on a week night.) I respond...8 pm. No reply back. I send another one stating ok, I will take that as a hell yeah!? And no response at all all night, and thats the last I have heard from her. So am I over analyzing everything here? And I should just go with the flow? Or are we at a point after dating for like 6 weeks steadily...especially considering that we have had a lack of communication on these types of things before.... where I should bring this type of stuff up? Is it time to ask whats is this to her? I just kind of feel like there is a lack of mutual respect here the past few days the way she has been not calling back,etc. Again, is she playing hard to get? Did I do something wrong? Or am I just overanalyzing and need to take a chill pill? thanks all!!
stace79 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 From the way you stated things here, it sounds like there is entirely too much game-playing going on, like both of your are jockeying for control in the relationship. It would be entirely too much drama for me, and I'd cut out. But, if you want to have a real, mature relationship with her, then yes, you need to get together in person and tell her how you feel about the lack of communication. Either you commit to each other and work it out between you, or you need to go your separate ways. The back-and-forth tug of war seems really childish honestly.
Author Winherback Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 And I totally agree. I am too old for these games and I really hate being involved in them. I never wanted to bring up what was happening as I didnt want to kill any steam we had, or in fear of her not being ready or rejecting the notion of fully giving this a go, even though it was pretty much assumed that was the direction we were headed. Especially all the great times we have been having. I am just not wanting to come off as clingy or needy. But you are right, if I want a mature adult relationship, then we have to have these mature adult relationship kind off talks. Now back to the games. haha. Should I contact her to initiate this, or just let her come to me now and then discuss?
stace79 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 And I totally agree. I am too old for these games and I really hate being involved in them. I never wanted to bring up what was happening as I didnt want to kill any steam we had, or in fear of her not being ready or rejecting the notion of fully giving this a go, even though it was pretty much assumed that was the direction we were headed. Especially all the great times we have been having. I am just not wanting to come off as clingy or needy. But you are right, if I want a mature adult relationship, then we have to have these mature adult relationship kind off talks. Now back to the games. haha. Should I contact her to initiate this, or just let her come to me now and then discuss? I would just contact her and suggest you meet for coffee or lunch or something non-intimidating. Then just be honest. Doesn't have to be ugly or confrontational. Just tell her you really like her and have enjoyed the time you're spending together lately, but that it feels like there is some game-playing going on from both sides in regards to communication and you don't want to play games. Then ask her her thoughts. Maybe she hasn't intended to play games, but it sounds like she has.
Author Winherback Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks Stace. I really appreciate the advice.
stace79 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks Stace. I really appreciate the advice. You're welcome. I am by no means an expert - I have plenty of my own relationships problems. (Obviously, or why would I be here? haha) But one thing I have learned over the years is that you have to be honest and it's best to be honest when you're not in the middle of a heated argument or discussion. Sometimes people just don't match up for numerous reasons, and it doesn't mean you don't love each other. Good luck!
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