men like girls that don't pursue them

[elaina]

I'll give you a good example. Basically I have lived my entire life in one of the biggest population centers in my country, millions of people it's all I've ever known.

 

There is generally only a few places where people let down there guard, and form friendships/relationships that been School/Uni/Work/Clubs (sporting etc) anywhere else if you try to get to know someone your considered a threat.

 

End up having very close nit social groups. Trying to break out and meet new people, can be incredibly hard because people are generally very un-trusting in cities.

 

My older brother got married about 5 years ago and moved to a small country town with his wife to start a family (1000 people tops). When I first went to visit him there after he bought a house etc. He was showing me around the town and suddenly this guy approaches me and goes "Hey there haven't seen you around here before." shakes my hand and starts asking me a bunch of questions.

 

I was immediately on the defensive, thoughts going through my head. What does this guy want?, is he going to try to mug me?, what scam is he running?, what is he trying to sell me?, is he crazy? etc.

 

Conversation went on for a few minutes then he talked to my brother for a few minutes. After he walked off I looked at my brother and was like "what the hell was his deal?" and my brother replied "you get used to it, people are different out here". The whole concept of having a conversation on the street with a stranger was so foreign/alien to me.

 

Now 5 years later, quite a few people recognize me as such and such's brother who lives in the city who is studying etc. I have no ****ing idea who these people are but they know who I am.

 

If I buy something from the supermarket there I have to have a 15 minute conversation with the store clerk or they think I'm an ass.

 

Lol that is so funny and true!

 

I was born in the Southwest and have lived in the Midwest and Southeast too, and have lived in mostly smaller towns. Greeting people when driving or walking down the street is normal in small towns, and normally if a person doesn't know you, they know your sister or your Dad or your cousin and ask about how they're doing if they haven't seen them lately. And yes, you get to know the store clerks and post office lady and everybody very well.

 

The first time I went to a big city (Chicago) by myself, I quickly learned not to smile and say hi to strangers. It was the weirdest thing to me. Also, some guy started following me, one I just nodded in greeting to. So it's possible that to smile at a stranger in a big city is an invitation to be hit on?

 

Another guy started begging me for money and I guess I had a deer in the headlights look, because a police officer came over and told the guy to go away, and told me I need to get tougher and it's obvious I'm not from there. That was a very interesting trip!

[Hules]

I find it hard to believe that if an attractive girl asked you out on a ****ty week, you'd not want to go out with her. I guess everyone does not feel the same. I'd be too happy if a guy that is 'attractive' asked me out on a ****ty night. I've had enough of nights spent alone, it'd be nice to forget about what was bothering me and hang out with him.

 

I just find that people are generally just not 'interested' or they're 'blah' about love. I think people want to have someone, but I don't think it's out of love. I've yet to meet someone who'd sacrifice a little for love. It always has to be very convenient for them to find love. Anything out of the ordinary, they say "Sorry, nope, won't do it."

 

Even if you were broke, there must be another way if you were really interested. So I guess you weren't.

 

Your definition of attractive probably is very different to mine, if you are talking only physical looks, then yes I would probably turn an attractive girl down if thats all she could bring to the table. Especially if I had a ****ty week.

 

I'm a introvert by nature I'm perfectly content with been alone, most of the time. I've been told I'm also quite picky when it comes to girls, I value personality over looks (yes looks are a factor I won't lie, but as long as shes not obese or deformed horribly I can overlook these things).

[orangelady]

Your definition of attractive probably is very different to mine, if you are talking only physical looks, then yes I would probably turn an attractive girl down if thats all she could bring to the table. Especially if I had a ****ty week.

 

I'm a introvert by nature I'm perfectly content with been alone, most of the time. I've been told I'm also quite picky when it comes to girls, I value personality over looks (yes looks are a factor I won't lie, but as long as shes not obese or deformed horribly I can overlook these things).

 

 

 

Oh okay.......darn. See, I know guys always say this : I value personality over looks . But when there is seriously a girl who isn't a looker who's interested in them AND has an okay personality, they'd say something like "I dunno, I don't think I'm sexually attracted to her.."

 

Damn. Guys are so difficult.

 

Anyways, yeah, I know what you mean about not being obese or deformed. I think obesity can be a real turn off unless his character is so amazingly attractive and he treats me like a queen...then hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

[Hules]

Oh okay.......darn. See, I know guys always say this : I value personality over looks . But when there is seriously a girl who isn't a looker who's interested in them AND has an okay personality, they'd say something like "I dunno, I don't think I'm sexually attracted to her.."

 

Damn. Guys are so difficult.

 

Anyways, yeah, I know what you mean about not being obese or deformed. I think obesity can be a real turn off unless his character is so amazingly attractive and he treats me like a queen...then hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

 

Well for me at least its true, for example one of my ex's lets say um... wasn't gifted with the biggest assets if you catch my drift. She was incredibly insecure about this and thought she was ugly because of it.

 

Thing is she had an amazing personality that I found incredibly attractive, and I found her incredibly sexy and beautiful. She often had a hard time understanding why I found her attractive, because she considered it a critical flaw and thought no guy would want to be with her.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, I doubt what you think is seriously unattractive is as bad as you think.

 

Edit: Also might add she considered herself the ugly duckling of her friendship group so was doubly surprised when I ignored her friends and went after her instead. Unfortunatly one of her more bitchy friends was super offended that I chose her. Pretty much started undermining our relationship from the start. My ex already been a girl with a pretty low self esteem, took her friends advice as pretty much gospel and well yeah I'll let you fill in the rest as to what the end result was.

 

*sigh* Just as you find Guys difficult, I can't understand why Girls take their friends advice so seriously they aren't always looking out for your best interests you know .

Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules

[orangelady]

Pretty much started undermining our relationship from the start. My ex already been a girl with a pretty low self esteem, took her friends advice as pretty much gospel and well yeah I'll let you fill in the rest as to what the end result was..

 

Sorry to hear about that. Maybe she'll get over it and come to her senses.

[Hules]

Sorry to hear about that. Maybe she'll get over it and come to her senses.

 

She did eventually but by then I had already moved on.

[orangelady]

She did eventually but by then I had already moved on.

 

Er...........you don't want to give it a second chance?

[Hules]

Er...........you don't want to give it a second chance?

 

This wasn't my last ex btw. By the time she came around about 6 months later I was already with someone else. So no, I didn't want a second chance. (Nor was she entitled to one after the bull**** roller coaster she put me through.)

 

If my latest ex was to turn around and ask for a second chance... geez that would be a hard one. Don't think she will though, so I'm going to keep on looking.

Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules

[orangelady]

Er...........you don't want to give it a second chance?

 

This wasn't my last ex btw. By the time she came around about 6 months later I was already with someone else. So no, I didn't want a second chance. (Nor was she entitled to one after the bull**** roller coaster she put me through.)

 

If my latest ex was to turn around and ask for a second chance... geez that would be a hard one. Don't think she will though, so I'm going to keep on looking.

 

omg so many exes.

[Hules]

I'm a complicated guy, I choose complicated girls. Usually they have some serious insecurity issues... *sigh* Can't say I don't have experience though

[orangelady]

I'm a complicated guy, I choose complicated girls. Usually they have some serious insecurity issues... *sigh* Can't say I don't have experience though

 

Ermmm ya need to learn. Maybe you have a heart for them. A LOT of them.

[Hules]

Honestly I haven't been with that many girls I didn't even kiss a girl till I was 20 lol. All of the girls I've been in relationships with have had the following traits in common.

 

They are smart and attractive (to me). I also found out that they had the same issues later on. They didn't think they were smart or attractive and had a tendency to go into critical meltdown crazy bitch mode at a moments notice about the most trivial things .

 

Get cold feet and run for the closest hill as quickly as possible, and proceed to hide there for the next year not talking or socialising with anyone.

 

I'm exaggerating a bit, I have been described as a very giving lover and very supportive. My latest ex had some pretty serious personal issues, she broke up with me because she felt I was becoming her emotional crutch rather than her having to face her own demons (which I can understand having been in the same situation myself).

 

So thats why I would consider giving her a second chance if she was to come around. As I said don't think she will but we will see.

[MrNate]

Another woman stating what us men do or don't like...

 

C'mon now.

[Darren Taylor]

Another woman stating what us men do or don't like...

 

C'mon now.

 

 

And they complain when we state what they do and don't like.

[musemaj11]

Yeah, there's your answer. I guess I'm not attractive enough. I did ask a few men out but they didn't want to.

Yes, you are probably not attractive enough for the guys you asked out.

 

Maybe lower your standard.

 

Or do like many guys, random shoot as many as you can and hope one will finally catch on. LOL

Edited April 6, 2011 by musemaj11

[orangelady]

Another woman stating what us men do or don't like...

 

C'mon now.

 

Ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm based on what I see and know.

[Hules]

Hehe I think Nate is just trying to say you don't give us enough credit. I think you are to hung up on physical appearances orange, you come off as been insecure which isn't exactly a desirable trait.

 

Then again... I tend to be attracted to smart, insecure girls. Bloody hell sometimes I wish I could change who I'm attracted too.

[orangelady]

Hehe I think Nate is just trying to say you don't give us enough credit. I think you are to hung up on physical appearances orange, you come off as been insecure which isn't exactly a desirable trait.

 

If you live in my skin, you'd understand. 90% of girls are like MODELS. It's fine when there's only 10% of girls that are hot around ya, but it's more like 10% only who are below average looking/average looking - that can be hard. But I'm trying man, I'm trying.

 

And if a guy doesn't like me because I have low self esteem, that's pretty cruel. I mean, I won't discard a nice guy just because he doesn't feel good about his looks. I'd still give him a chance. But I guess some won't.

[Hules]

Don't know if you read this.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/

 

I think I understand better than most. Probably why I don't automatically write off girls with low self esteem. Most other guys aren't as kind though I will say unfortunately.

[orangelady]

Don't know if you read this.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/

 

I think I understand better than most. Probably why I don't automatically write off girls with low self esteem. Most other guys aren't as kind though I will say unfortunately.

 

How tall are you? But good job on the vigorous exercise and diet. That's pretty inspiring.

 

That was a great story, I'm surprised it had only a few responses but maybe some people don't relate to that sort of story.

 

I think the part where you said you will not tolerate negative is one good example of how people treats others who don't have a good self esteem about themselves.

 

I only realize how this affects what others think of me when one of my classmates who is a guy, told me (after I told him that I feel yuk about my appearance) "I don't care what you think of yourself, I guess I've had my fair share of insecure girls."

 

I have never shared how I feel about my appearance with anyone in real life. Only online. And because I see him in real life, I am very careful not to repeat saying negative things about my looks anymore around him. I don't want to lose him as a friend.

 

 

The thing is, I don't think I've met many girls like me in real life. Just everyone seems so confident (even the huge girls).

 

I seriously know a few really big girls in my class and geezus begeezus, they still dress sexily, tight fitting clothes, low cuts and all with their flabs hanging down and all. To us, it doesn't look good but to them, who knows......and I wonder, darn, they are 2x my size but they don't look like or act like they have low self esteem.

 

Even on online dating site, I found that one or two guys do not tolerate insecure girls. They write you off or are not afraid to tell you off if you show any signs of it. So now it's two problems for us girls. Getting rejected for our looks AND not having confidence.

 

 

I am trying to work hard on the confidence part. As for my looks, I workout 3x a week and am not fat but my face is not the pretty/hot type. And everyone around here is not only average/slim but thin and that's what is liked around here. Thin. Slim. Whatever.

 

 

My girlfriends, some of them are like 5'4 and weight 105 lbs and still think they are FAT. Uh huh....

[orangelady]

Don't know if you read this.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/

 

I think I understand better than most. Probably why I don't automatically write off girls with low self esteem. Most other guys aren't as kind though I will say unfortunately.

 

 

I also want to add, that because I have so many female friends (I spent 11 years in an all girls school), that although it's good to have confidence, confidence in your looks is not everything. My best friend used to be a looker and had many male admirers but she was a complete psycho. She was very emotionally unstable, loved to cuss and verbally abuse others that she did not and could not have any long lasting friendships or relationships.

 

In fact, to come to think of it, all the girls in my school who are now part time models or air hostesses, whatever, they all have an 'attitude', incredibly snobbish, has no respect for others and been labeled 'b*tchy" by many.

 

And these are girls who are very confident in themselves.

[Hules]

I'm 5'10

 

About the negative people thing I used to have a lot of "friends" who got a kick out of putting me down for the way I felt. So did my first girlfriend the one I talked about a few pages back.

 

I cut them out of my life and I am much better off because of it. They made themselves feel better by shooting down my confidence people like that are not your friends and well need to **** off honestly.

 

Guy in your class sounds like a ass. My new friends we can openly talk about how we feel about ourselves and we motivate each other to better ourselves. I have friends I go running with. Friends I do fencing with. I have another friend who's trying to get me into other sports. They are happy people and don't need to belittle others to make themselves feel better.

 

Only unhappy people make snide comments like that guy in your class. He inflates his ego by making you feel worse about yourself. Is someone like that really your friend?

[Hules]

Jesus orange you sound just like my ex's its creepy as hell haha.

 

They all went to elite private girls schools, often the victims of the bitchy girls so they focused on studies. Often graduated within the top 5 in there schools.

 

All thought they were really unattractive, when they actually were not at all. I think years of having bitchy friends really took a tole on them.

[BeginAgain]

Guys don't want girls who are full of themselves, but they don't want the bass master of compliment fishing who is constantly dumping on herself and needs reassurance.

 

When it comes to me I like shy girls but in private I might be a little too outspoken for them. I should probably leave them alone since I am a closet extrovert. I'd be too much for them when alone and could possibly hurt them.

[DreamerGirl27]

There is a difference between pursuing and showing lots of interest/giving hints.

 

I'd be a little wary about a girl asking for my number or trying to make a date. But basically everything else is fine.

 

Actually, her trying to make plans once we've already had a first date is great. It's a good show of interest.

 

 

Why would you be wary of that? When I'm interested, I'm interested. I'm not playing some game. I think men are cynical of women who actually like them and can't believe it's true or something.