men like girls that don't pursue them

[orangelady]

I'll give you a good example. Basically I have lived my entire life in one of the biggest population centers in my country, millions of people it's all I've ever known.

 

There is generally only a few places where people let down there guard, and form friendships/relationships that been School/Uni/Work/Clubs (sporting etc) anywhere else if you try to get to know someone your considered a threat.

 

End up having very close nit social groups. Trying to break out and meet new people, can be incredibly hard because people are generally very un-trusting in cities.

 

My older brother got married about 5 years ago and moved to a small country town with his wife to start a family (1000 people tops). When I first went to visit him there after he bought a house etc. He was showing me around the town and suddenly this guy approaches me and goes "Hey there haven't seen you around here before." shakes my hand and starts asking me a bunch of questions.

 

I was immediately on the defensive, thoughts going through my head. What does this guy want?, is he going to try to mug me?, what scam is he running?, what is he trying to sell me?, is he crazy? etc.

 

Conversation went on for a few minutes then he talked to my brother for a few minutes. After he walked off I looked at my brother and was like "what the hell was his deal?" and my brother replied "you get used to it, people are different out here". The whole concept of having a conversation on the street with a stranger was so foreign/alien to me

 

Now 5 years later, quite a few people recognize me as such and such's brother who lives in the city who is studying etc. I have no ****ing idea who these people are but they know who I am.

 

If I buy something from the supermarket there I have to have a 15 minute conversation with the store clerk or they think I'm an ass.

 

 

 

I hear you. Here in my city, you sometimes don't even really get friends from work/uni depending on what kind of work is it that you do and how people are at university (if they are close knitted type and everyone has started the course together, because then everyone would be new and would bother mingling with each other more because they don't have friends either).

 

I used to work in a very big company, but my department was dominated by women mostly. On top of that, there were also age differences. Most ladies were already married with kids so the first thing they do when they are done with work is head home. There were a few other single girls there but they don't hang out with you if you are below their ranking (they were executives and I was a clerk). I was told that it was just company's policy not to have drinks or socialize with the clerks outside work just in case company info may leak out or whatever. Trust me, even at work, it's very, very very hard.

 

As for your story, why didn't you want to move to a town like your brother's then?

 

Or you are trying to find a middle ground?

 

Why didn't your brother and sis-in-law try to hook you up with someone they know?

[BeginAgain]

I will try to private message you the pic.

I am not sure there is a pm system or at least one available to me.

[Hules]

As for your story, why didn't you want to move to a town like your brother's then?

 

I'm not sure to be honest, I like going out there to visit my brother and it is very refreshing to get away from the city each once and a while. But to be honest the life style out there is very slow paced and I generally cannot stay more than a week before I get bored and am itching to get back to the city.

 

The other reason is the field I work in is very technical/specialised all of the jobs are in the cities, there is no work for me out in the small towns. My brother is a trademan so he can easily get work out in the smaller towns.

 

Or you are trying to find a middle ground?

 

Unfortunately in my Country (Australia if you are wondering) there is the massive cities and then there is tons of small towns. There is very few places that would be considered middle ground.

 

Why didn't your brother and sis-in-law try to hook you up with someone they know?

 

Me and my brother are like polar opposites, the type of people we associate with are very different and honestly I probably wouldn't be attracted to the people they know romantically, friends sure other than that probably not.

 

I've actually been having a lot more success meeting people like myself through internet dating to be honest. One of the few places where I can get through the personal walls people put up other than the places I mentioned in my last post.

[PJKino]

 

 

 

I notice that if a girl shows a lot of interest in a guy, he gets turned off and would ignore her unless of course, he finds her attractive.

 

And if he doesnt find her attractive why would he all of a sudden be interested in her if she didnt approach or show interest?

 

The point you made proves your title makes no sense

 

If a women approaches a Man that hes atracted to and likes he wont be put off just like if a Man approaches a women she likes she wont be turned of but would be if she wasnt attracted to him

 

Most people are not turned off by approach itself its wheter or not they like the person

[orangelady]

And if he doesnt find her attractive why would he all of a sudden be interested in her if she didnt approach or show interest?

 

The point you made proves your title makes no sense

 

If a women approaches a Man that hes atracted to and likes he wont be put off just like if a Man approaches a women she likes she wont be turned of but would be if she wasnt attracted to him

 

Most people are not turned off by approach itself its wheter or not they like the person

 

 

the approacher would be turned off if they were unsuccessful.

[musemaj11]

So you are saying that if a woman approaches, a man has to accept her even if he is not interested in her?

 

I dont get it ...

[Mr.Cairo]

Men usually say that it's nice to have women pursue them. I think what this really means, is, 'it's nice to have beautiful women pursue me.'

 

I guess this is also is true for women.

 

Women like to be pursued but only by men they are attracted to.

 

 

But I have a guy friend, who says that he can't stand it when a girl pursues him. He would feel like the girl lacks confidence, self worth or something. He wants to do the pursuing.

 

I notice that if a girl shows a lot of interest in a guy, he gets turned off and would ignore her unless of course, he finds her attractive.

 

No offense, but this is untrue. A man who is secure in his sexuality and in his manhood will, and does appreciate being chased. The women I've been with approached me in that way. My numbers are lower than they'd be if I was the one to approach women, but I prefer quality over quantity. I never approached a woman in my life, and I'll never do, because the women I'm interested in are those who aren't chained by the silly roles society assigns women and men to.

 

You're talking about guys in their early 20's? The human brain only stops maturing at the age of 25. There you go. You are going to find plenty of attractive guys below that age but immature enough to not appreciate being a woman's 'target'.

[orangelady]

 

 

Unfortunately in my Country (Australia if you are wondering) there is the massive cities and then there is tons of small towns. There is very few places that would be considered middle ground.

 

 

 

 

I've actually been having a lot more success meeting people like myself through internet dating to be honest. One of the few places where I can get through the personal walls people put up other than the places I mentioned in my last post.

 

Hmm........I'm glad. Dating sites are a horror for me because most of the men in my area don't seem to like me and when they do, and I read their profile, I just know I'm not his type and he's not my type. I wonder if they've even read my profile. By the way, do you think its stupid for girls to ignore a guy's profile if he smokes and drinks?

[orangelady]

No offense, but this is untrue. A man who is secure in his sexuality and in his manhood will, and does appreciate being chased. The women I've been with approached me in that way. My numbers are lower than they'd be if I was the one to approach women, but I prefer quality over quantity. I never approached a woman in my life, and I'll never do, because the women I'm interested in are those who aren't chained by the silly roles society assigns women and men to.

 

You're talking about guys in their early 20's? The human brain only stops maturing at the age of 25. There you go. You are going to find plenty of attractive guys below that age but immature enough to not appreciate being a woman's 'target'.

 

Ermmm no, I'm talking abt guys above 25. I am 28 so I wouldn't really go for a guy younger than 25. I guess we generalize too much eh, but usually when I post a topic, I'm talking about the majority of men.

[Mr.Cairo]

Hmm........I'm glad. Dating sites are a horror for me because most of the men in my area don't seem to like me and when they do, and I read their profile, I just know I'm not his type and he's not my type. I wonder if they've even read my profile. By the way, do you think its stupid for girls to ignore a guy's profile if he smokes and drinks?

 

Nope.

 

I'm not interested in women with short hair. Everyone has deal-breakers. Smoking and drinking are your deal-breakers. Embrace them by not breaking them apart for anyone.

[Chicago_Guy]

Men usually say that it's nice to have women pursue them. I think what this really means, is, 'it's nice to have beautiful women pursue me.'

 

I guess this is also is true for women.

 

Women like to be pursued but only by men they are attracted to.

 

 

But I have a guy friend, who says that he can't stand it when a girl pursues him. He would feel like the girl lacks confidence, self worth or something. He wants to do the pursuing.

 

I notice that if a girl shows a lot of interest in a guy, he gets turned off and would ignore her unless of course, he finds her attractive.

 

Most guys would like it if a hot girl pursued them.

 

It can, however, be annoying when an unattractive girl is completely clueless and chases after a guy who is not interested. A lot of women don't chase guys very often, so they seem to have no idea how a man behaves when he is interested versus when he is just being friendly but is not interested.

[orangelady]

Most guys would like it if a hot girl pursued them.

 

It can, however, be annoying when an unattractive girl is completely clueless and chases after a guy who is not interested. A lot of women don't chase guys very often, so they seem to have no idea how a man behaves when he is interested versus when he is just being friendly but is not interested.

 

Exact mundo. But for girls like that, they need to read the book "He's just not that into you."

[BeginAgain]

Hmm........I'm glad. Dating sites are a horror for me because most of the men in my area don't seem to like me and when they do, and I read their profile, I just know I'm not his type and he's not my type. I wonder if they've even read my profile.

"Type"-ing is such BS. You won't know if you are a match based on some factoids on a page. You'll actually need to spend some time with a person to see if you click and get along. It is a really bad idea to limit yourself to looking for you except with the opposite sex's genitalia.

By the way, do you think its stupid for girls to ignore a guy's profile if he smokes and drinks?

It depends on the culture you are in. If you lived in France and didn't want a smoker you might be creating another hurdle. In most of the West alcohol consumption is prevalent to some frequency. You'll have to determine for yourself what hurdles you want to set before yourself, which are important enough to keep, which are insignificant enough you can do away with them, and how many you actually want to jump. If you set too many hurdles you'll probably won't be able to clear them and end in a faceplant eternally ronery.

 

I don't smoke or drink at all. I'd rather not have a smoker but more women like to smoke so it puts me in a slight predicament. What's much worse is I don't drink. Almost all women drink at some point especially when going out. I don't care if a woman drinks but women get very self-conscious about drinking if you don't drink with them. That could become a bit of a nail in the coffin. So much of American socializing is based around booze this could really screw me.

[orangelady]

"Type"-ing is such BS.

 

 

You won't know if you are a match based on some factoids on a page.

 

I think what you say on your page does tell someone something about yourself and whether you'd actually want to even say hi to this person. Otherwise, everyone doesn't need to have a profile. But, I guess so.....

 

 

 

I don't smoke or drink at all. I'd rather not have a smoker but more women like to smoke so it puts me in a slight predicament. What's much worse is I don't drink. Almost all women drink at some point especially when going out. I don't care if a woman drinks but women get very self-conscious about drinking if you don't drink with them. That could become a bit of a nail in the coffin. So much of American socializing is based around booze this could really screw me.

 

I'm sure there are some American girls who don't smoke or drink. It's the same around where I live and what's worse is...sometimes I meet girls who don't even look the type that would smoke or drink but they DO! lol I think it's so funny.

 

Yeah I am guessing it's worse in the West because alcohol is cheap.

[BeginAgain]

I'm sure there are some American girls who don't smoke or drink.

Yes, probably and even those who do drink could go without booze for a meal or two, but it is a social lubricant many women have become so dependent on that initial social interactions without it won't go smoothly. In the end, alcohol makes us men look better which helps get over the first contact hurdle. We need women to drink as much as they need to drink sadly. Maybe this wouldn't be such a problem if a woman's libido wasn't so weak most times.

 

Yeah I am guessing it's worse in the West because alcohol is cheap.

Well I don't think it is cheap and I don't think the price is the reason. I believe it has been an indelible part of Western culture for so long it is a permanent facet of society. Even trying to remove it from society created more problems than it solved since people have come to accept it as a natural part of their lives they can not be denied.

[Hules]

Smoking/Drugs use are a absolute deal breaker for me, something I can't get over if a girl does either I can't be attracted to them just won't happen. I'm not exactly fond of drinking either as I drink maybe once or twice a year tops. But where I'm from (Australia) it's pretty much the social norm to go get pissed off your face every other day of the week.

 

So that can be a bit of a challenge and I have to make some exceptions to this rule. So generally I stay well clear of girls who go out every weekend and get smashed of their faces to the point of alcohol poisoning (puking your guts out over a toilet bowl is such an attractive look girls).

 

But wouldn't pass over a girl who might like to go out with her friends a few times a month and drink within moderation.

[orangelady]

Smoking/Drugs use are a absolute deal breaker for me, something I can't get over if a girl does either I can't be attracted to them just won't happen. I'm not exactly fond of drinking either as I drink maybe once or twice a year tops. But where I'm from (Australia) it's pretty much the social norm to go get pissed off your face every other day of the week.

 

Yeah, I have heard that girls in Australia drink quite a bit and someone from my country was saying that "they drink that they even have beer bellies in their 20s!

 

So that can be a bit of a challenge and I have to make some exceptions to this rule. So generally I stay well clear of girls who go out every weekend and get smashed of their faces to the point of alcohol poisoning (puking your guts out over a toilet bowl is such an attractive look girls).

 

Yeah I'm with you here. I don't mind that but if a guy's favourite place is the bar or the club, I don't know...I'd want to know why. When I was in my early 20s and was in college, I did ask my guy friends why they liked going to clubs, and they casually told me that that's the best place to grope chicks who are pissed drunk. Something like that.

 

Here, guys like to go to these places because that's where chicks really kill to dress and everyone's looking for a good time I guess. Imagine if a club or bar does not allow women in it (not talking about gay clubs), would any guy go? Some say "Oh I go for the music..." Ermm yeah, sure..some do I guess.

 

 

I just think we can have a good time being sober.....don't you?

 

But wouldn't pass over a girl who might like to go out with her friends a few times a month and drink within moderation.

[orangelady]

Well I don't think it is cheap and I don't think the price is the reason. I believe it has been an indelible part of Western culture for so long it is a permanent facet of society. Even trying to remove it from society created more problems than it solved since people have come to accept it as a natural part of their lives they can not be denied.

 

Hmm yeah I guess some countries like UK, US and Aust have a very strong drinking culture. It's like, what else do you do if you don't drink huh?

 

Oh well....

[EasyHeart]

How do you define "pursue"?

 

If an attractive woman says, "Hey, let's go out for dinner on Saturday," I am flattered and interested.

 

But IME, when women "pursue" it consists of calling several times a day, texting for hours, freaking out if you do anything without them, wanting to spend every second of every day together, getting upset if you don't go straight from work to their house, being jealous of all your friends, your hobbies and your job, and expecting to be taken out every night of the week. That is not flattering; it is annoying.

[orangelady]

How do you define "pursue"?

 

If an attractive woman says, "Hey, let's go out for dinner on Saturday," I am flattered and interested.

 

Yeah, there's your answer. I guess I'm not attractive enough. I did ask a few men out but they didn't want to.

 

But IME, when women "pursue" it consists of calling several times a day, texting for hours, freaking out if you do anything without them, wanting to spend every second of every day together, getting upset if you don't go straight from work to their house, being jealous of all your friends, your hobbies and your job, and expecting to be taken out every night of the week. That is not flattering; it is annoying.

 

I don't think I meant that. I meant, just going out for a meal or movie.

[Hules]

Hmm yeah I guess some countries like UK, US and Aust have a very strong drinking culture. It's like, what else do you do if you don't drink huh?

 

Oh well....

 

Geez I don't know you could improve yourself mentality, physically or god forbid have a coherent conversation with someone, without falling over or showing the girl next you, your technicolor raincoat (aussie slang for barfing ). My brain is my greatest asset why the hell would I want to give myself brain damage from drinking, let alone a fat beer belly.

[Hules]

Yeah, there's your answer. I guess I'm not attractive enough. I did ask a few men out but they didn't want to.

 

I don't think I meant that. I meant, just going out for a meal or movie.

 

Not necessarily true, I've turned down girls in the past not because I didn't find them attractive.

 

I might of had a really ****ty week and just felt like been alone for a while.

I could be upset about another girl who shot me down the night before.

I might be broke (been a student is fun ) and don't have money to take her out and am embarrassed to tell her (this happened a few years ago).

The list goes on and on, do not assume that because a man turns you down is just based on solely on your attractiveness.

 

Women often don't give us as much credit as we deserve, men are not as simple as you may think .

[orangelady]

Geez I don't know you could improve yourself mentality, physically or god forbid have a coherent conversation with someone, without falling over or showing the girl next you, your technicolor raincoat (aussie slang for barfing ). My brain is my greatest asset why the hell would I want to give myself brain damage from drinking, let alone a fat beer belly.

 

LOL okay so seriously, what would you rather do....to chillax? (I think I learned this slang from an Aussie pal)

[Hules]

LOL okay so seriously, what would you rather do....to chillax? (I think I learned this slang from an Aussie pal)

 

Chillax is not exactly Aussie slang closest thing would be to Veg out (sit in front of a TV relaxing like a vegetable!)

 

To answer your question, usually I end up going out to bars on Friday/Saturday nights with a few friends. Not because I'm looking to get pissed but you know its this thing called been social, as I previously mentioned its the social norm here so if you can't beat them, join them.

 

My friends been typical Aussie blokes will get themselves plastered within a short amount of time. Will wander around the bar making an ass out of themselves (failing miserably at picking up girls, unless the girls are just as drunk). Usually I find this quite amusing, sometimes its ****ing embarrassing to be associated with them.

 

The girls that have some self control and aren't totally wasted. Will stay well clear of the boozed up gents. Quite often I get approached by said girls because I will be drinking a non-alcoholic drink of some nature (An Aussie guy who chooses not to drink of his own free will how novel! ) while making sure my friends don't give themselves concussions.

 

Usually I end up having some pretty good conversations and this is how I met a few of my ex girlfriends.

 

Other than that I am a self confessed nerd so I enjoy well.. nerdy stuff so I'll let your imagination run wild with that.

Edited April 6, 2011 by Hules

[orangelady]

Not necessarily true, I've turned down girls in the past not because I didn't find them attractive.

 

I might of had a really ****ty week and just felt like been alone for a while.

I could be upset about another girl who shot me down the night before.

I might be broke (been a student is fun ) and don't have money to take her out and am embarrassed to tell her (this happened a few years ago).

 

I find it hard to believe that if an attractive girl asked you out on a ****ty week, you'd not want to go out with her. I guess everyone does not feel the same. I'd be too happy if a guy that is 'attractive' asked me out on a ****ty night. I've had enough of nights spent alone, it'd be nice to forget about what was bothering me and hang out with him.

 

I just find that people are generally just not 'interested' or they're 'blah' about love. I think people want to have someone, but I don't think it's out of love. I've yet to meet someone who'd sacrifice a little for love. It always has to be very convenient for them to find love. Anything out of the ordinary, they say "Sorry, nope, won't do it."

 

Even if you were broke, there must be another way if you were really interested. So I guess you weren't.