men like girls that don't pursue them

[fortyninethousand322]

girls think this way:

 

If a guy is interested in me, he'll show it. Even if he doesn't ask, he'll at least show some signs? After all, that book "He's just not that into you" says it all.

 

Yup. This is the reason why I rarely go on dates. I don't show much interest because I'm sure she won't be interested in return and I don't like making unwelcome advances.

[youaretheone]

At the beginning, I tend to favor the guy pursuing the girl. After we have established a relationship, I expect the girl to spend effort as much as me or even more, if you call it chasing.

 

My current girlfriend is always waiting for me to make plans and invite her out and it is turning me off. Yes, she is very excited and willing to go out with me but at some point, it needs to find a balance.

[BeginAgain]

If a guy is interested in me, he'll show it. Even if he doesn't ask, he'll at least show some signs? After all, that book "He's just not that into you" says it all.

If that was true then I am a eunuch since I haven't done any signs.

[orangelady]

Yup. This is the reason why I rarely go on dates. I don't show much interest because I'm sure she won't be interested in return and I don't like making unwelcome advances.

 

That really depends on the girl. For a not so arrogant and attractive girl, she'd be flattered if you showed SOME interest. I'm not asking you to throw yourself at her feet, but if she is lonely and wants to just try to go out with you, she'll say yes. If she doesn't, her loss, move on. But this is hard to do if you are going to see her a lot after that e.g she works or studies in the same place as you. If it's a total stranger and someone you don't see often, WHY NOT?

 

For us women, we don't ask the guy out because it's obvious that if the guy doesn't even look at us or talk to us much, WHY THE HELL should we think he would want to GO OUT with us???

[Leeway Harris]

As you can see, every man is different. I would be flattered if a woman pursued me, whether I felt the same way or not.

 

If I were attracted to a woman, and she pursued me, the fact that she pursued me would have no effect on my attraction to her. I can't see "pursuit" as a turnoff all by itself. Maybe if she pursued me with a machete or something...

[Leeway Harris]

Yup. This is the reason why I rarely go on dates. I don't show much interest because I'm sure she won't be interested in return and I don't like making unwelcome advances.

 

This is it, right here. So many men have this problem. It's an epidemic.

[BeginAgain]

I will try to private message you the pic. Oh goodness me. You don't have a camera? Don't you like taking photos of places, things, people? Which part of America are you from?

I am from New York. I live right across the Hudson River from Snooki(Jersey Shore). I haven't had one since the late eighties or early nineties which I got at Epcot. I have been meaning to get one since I have become more interested in the idea of getting involved in photography. Previously I felt I didn't need one until I had a family and therefore something worth photographing.

[orangelady]

If that was true then I am a eunuch since I haven't done any signs.

 

I think most girls generally feel this way - If a guy doesn't show signs (pay attention to her), we just know he's not interested. That's why we won't ask. We don't want to get hurt too, you know. Unless he does things that are very obvious that he likes us, THEN we'll respond.

[orangelady]

This is it, right here. So many men have this problem. It's an epidemic.

 

Sure, I understand. I think it's a risk you have to take. Don't you think life is all about risks? Seriously? With health, jobs, relationships, women, you name it. Even shopping for stuff. When you buy something cheap, you don't know if it'll work at all or if it'll last long. It's a risk.

 

That's why I also try....I really did try. I have showed interest in the opposite sex many times before...now my problem is, I'm not meeting any to even ask. That's when it gets scary, guys.

 

Guys, I encourage you to go for it. You don't have to ask her out. Just show some signs. What have you got to lose? You'll just know she's not interested. And then? Will you die after that? Nope.

[fortyninethousand322]

Sure, I understand. I think it's a risk you have to take. Don't you think life is all about risks? Seriously? With health, jobs, relationships, women, you name it. Even shopping for stuff. When you buy something cheap, you don't know if it'll work at all or if it'll last long. It's a risk.

 

That's why I also try....I really did try. I have showed interest in the opposite sex many times before...now my problem is, I'm not meeting any to even ask. That's when it gets scary, guys.

 

Guys, I encourage you to go for it. You don't have to ask her out. Just show some signs. What have you got to lose? You'll just know she's not interested. And then? Will you die after that? Nope.

 

See I have taken risks asking girls out approaching etc. Problem is, with each failure I've become more hesitant to take another one. It's like the cop from Die Hard (not Bruce Willis, but the guy from Family Matters) who accidentally shot a kid while on duty and then became reluctant to use his gun. I have a hard time believing that the risk will actually have a reward at the end of it. It's a vicious cycle that probably requires some kind of counselling.

[Leeway Harris]

Sure, I understand. I think it's a risk you have to take. Don't you think life is all about risks? Seriously? With health, jobs, relationships, women, you name it. Even shopping for stuff. When you buy something cheap, you don't know if it'll work at all or if it'll last long. It's a risk.

 

That's why I also try....I really did try. I have showed interest in the opposite sex many times before...now my problem is, I'm not meeting any to even ask. That's when it gets scary, guys.

That's another thing. Lots of people find it very hard to even meet people. I know I do. Apparently it comes easy to some, those people are lucky.

 

Guys, I encourage you to go for it. You don't have to ask her out. Just show some signs. What have you got to lose? You'll just know she's not interested. And then? Will you die after that? Nope.

Hehe, I'll give it a shot, thanks.

[BeginAgain]

Sure, I understand. I think it's a risk you have to take. Don't you think life is all about risks? Seriously? With health, jobs, relationships, women, you name it. Even shopping for stuff. When you buy something cheap, you don't know if it'll work at all or if it'll last long. It's a risk.

 

That's why I also try....I really did try. I have showed interest in the opposite sex many times before...now my problem is, I'm not meeting any to even ask. That's when it gets scary, guys.

 

Guys, I encourage you to go for it. You don't have to ask her out. Just show some signs. What have you got to lose? You'll just know she's not interested. And then? Will you die after that? Nope.

I got stopped by a cop for walking by the side of a back road near my development so I don't know what will happen if I start flashing creepy signs at random girls in public. Prison rape, perhaps?

[orangelady]

See I have taken risks asking girls out approaching etc. Problem is, with each failure I've become more hesitant to take another one. It's like the cop from Die Hard (not Bruce Willis, but the guy from Family Matters) who accidentally shot a kid while on duty and then became reluctant to use his gun. I have a hard time believing that the risk will actually have a reward at the end of it. It's a vicious cycle that probably requires some kind of counselling.

 

Yeah true. Counselling, yes, if you need to. And a lot of encouragement. I think I went through a period of time being like that too. And guess what? I got really lonely. And by taking risks, I don't only mean romantically but just making FRIENDS - getting my social life in order. Right now, I have no friends that I can hang out with, I only have acquaintances. I mostly come back to my microwave. Loneliness really creeps in. Many times I have teared over this. But I guess some of us may come to a point in life that you just absolutely HATE where you are right now and you'd force yourself to do something about it. But it's hard to be persistent, I understand.

 

It's true that they say if you desire different results, then obviously what you're doing or not doing right now isn't working.

 

I have a friend who is interested in a guy. She does smile at him, and he smiles too and checks him out on Facebook. But she did tell me "Oh I'm sure he has a girlfriend."

 

See, a lot of girls think like that too.

[orangelady]

I got stopped by a cop for walking by the side of a back road near my development so I don't know what will happen if I start flashing creepy signs at random girls in public. Prison rape, perhaps?

 

 

Well maybe not at the back roads?

 

Somewhere in public. A library? A bookstore? I don't know. And hmm I think you should invest in a camera.

[orangelady]

That's another thing. Lots of people find it very hard to even meet people. I know I do. Apparently it comes easy to some, those people are lucky.

 

 

 

Hehe, I'll give it a shot, thanks.

 

Hell yeah. You live in New York. That should be easy. Big city, lots of people, lots of happenings. How easier can it get?

[fortyninethousand322]

Yeah true. Counselling, yes, if you need to. And a lot of encouragement. I think I went through a period of time being like that too. And guess what? I got really lonely. And by taking risks, I don't only mean romantically but just making FRIENDS - getting my social life in order. Right now, I have no friends that I can hang out with, I only have acquaintances. I mostly come back to my microwave. Loneliness really creeps in. Many times I have teared over this. But I guess some of us may come to a point in life that you just absolutely HATE where you are right now and you'd force yourself to do something about it. But it's hard to be persistent, I understand.

 

It's true that they say if you desire different results, then obviously what you're doing or not doing right now isn't working.

 

I have a friend who is interested in a guy. She does smile at him, and he smiles too and checks him out on Facebook. But she did tell me "Oh I'm sure he has a girlfriend."

 

See, a lot of girls think like that too.

 

I think if any more of my friends get in relationships or get married I might be tempted to take risks again. Right now I have enough friends and hobbies that I don't get generally lonely, just lonely when it comes to female companionship.

 

You should encourage your friend to at least talk to that guy even in just a friendly manner. I'm pretty sure that if a girl was talking to me and hinted that I should ask her to see a certain movie (or something like that) I would ask her out. But in terms of going up to a random girl, that ain't happening.

[BeginAgain]

Well maybe not at the back roads?

 

Somewhere in public. A library? A bookstore? I don't know. And hmm I think you should invest in a camera.

I wasn't suggesting I would pick up women on back roads.

 

Hell yeah. You live in New York. That should be easy. Big city, lots of people, lots of happenings. How easier can it get?

NYC isn't all that nice. It depends on the person I guess. If you already love another big city you are more likely to enjoy NYC. I try to avoid it like the plague.

[orangelady]

I wasn't suggesting I would pick up women on back roads.

 

NYC isn't all that nice. It depends on the person I guess. If you already love another big city you are more likely to enjoy NYC. I try to avoid it like the plague.

 

Hmmm why don't you like it? Smaller towns can be equally difficult. If you can't gel with the people around there, then you're stuck with them. I currently live in a city with a population of 6 million people yet I am lonely and have trouble finding friends to hang out with. So ... yeah. But even when I was living in a smaller town, it was just the same. So I don't know what else to do.

[Leeway Harris]

Hell yeah. You live in New York. That should be easy. Big city, lots of people, lots of happenings. How easier can it get?

 

Ha! No, orange, it doesn't quite work like that, unfortunately. I thought the same thing when I moved here, but it's actually very difficult.

 

People keep strictly to themselves here. The only people who talk to strangers are the ones begging for change on the subway.

 

I'll give you an example: I've been involved in an activity for about a year and a half. I've been going to the same place, usually about three times a week, spending an average of 1 1/2 hours each time. I have not made one friend through this activity. People come in, do their thing, and get the hell out. There's no talking, no socializing, no getting to know anybody. Apparently everybody else already has enough friends and lovers, and I'm the only lonely one left.

[fortyninethousand322]

Ha! No, orange, it doesn't quite work like that, unfortunately. I thought the same thing when I moved here, but it's actually very difficult.

 

People keep strictly to themselves here. The only people who talk to strangers are the ones begging for change on the subway.

 

I'll give you an example: I've been involved in an activity for about a year and a half. I've been going to the same place, usually about three times a week, spending an average of 1 1/2 hours each time. I have not made one friend through this activity. People come in, do their thing, and get the hell out. There's no talking, no socializing, no getting to know anybody. Apparently everybody else already has enough friends and lovers, and I'm the only lonely one left.

 

Reminds me of the Jim Croce song "New York's Not My Home".

[Hules]

Hell yeah. You live in New York. That should be easy. Big city, lots of people, lots of happenings. How easier can it get?

 

You would think that, but in most larger cities people don't talk to other people, lives are generally very insular. If you try to talk to someone off the street you will be accused of been a creeper/weirdo/stalker <insert whatever here>. People are very closed off from each other even though there is millions of people. Its a very strange social phenomenon.

 

Generally people just go about there day to day business in a very impersonal way, almost drone like, kind of depressing when I think about it.

[orangelady]

Ha! No, orange, it doesn't quite work like that, unfortunately. I thought the same thing when I moved here, but it's actually very difficult.

 

People keep strictly to themselves here. The only people who talk to strangers are the ones begging for change on the subway.

 

I'll give you an example: I've been involved in an activity for about a year and a half. I've been going to the same place, usually about three times a week, spending an average of 1 1/2 hours each time. I have not made one friend through this activity. People come in, do their thing, and get the hell out. There's no talking, no socializing, no getting to know anybody. Apparently everybody else already has enough friends and lovers, and I'm the only lonely one left.

 

 

Yeah, it's the same here where I am. 6 million population - biggest city in my country. The only thing that's alive are the clubs and the bars - which is not my cup of tea.

 

LOL I think it's funny. LOL it happens to me too. I joined a particular sport activity group. I notice that all they do is play, but not really talk. It's like "OK I'm only friends with you for the purpose of playing this game of sports. Anything beyond that, sorry." So it's kind of friends with benefits but in a different way.

 

And yes, it's like everywhere I go, people already have their own social group or network. So they don't feel the need to get to know you better or even include you into their group. So here I am....online everyday. Because that's where I get my interaction from.

[orangelady]

Ha! No, orange, it doesn't quite work like that, unfortunately. I thought the same thing when I moved here, but it's actually very difficult.

 

People keep strictly to themselves here. The only people who talk to strangers are the ones begging for change on the subway.

 

I'll give you an example: I've been involved in an activity for about a year and a half. I've been going to the same place, usually about three times a week, spending an average of 1 1/2 hours each time. I have not made one friend through this activity. People come in, do their thing, and get the hell out. There's no talking, no socializing, no getting to know anybody. Apparently everybody else already has enough friends and lovers, and I'm the only lonely one left.

 

 

Sorry I just repeated myself again. That was strange.

[orangelady]

You would think that, but in most larger cities people don't talk to other people, lives are generally very insular. If you try to talk to someone off the street you will be accused of been a creeper/weirdo/stalker <insert whatever here>. People are very closed off from each other even though there is millions of people. Its a very strange social phenomenon.

 

Generally people just go about there day to day business in a very impersonal way, almost drone like, kind of depressing when I think about it.

 

Gawd that is so true. I'm experiencing that. I used to live in an apartment of 21 floors, so there were about 500-600 people in my block. Whenever I entered the lift, no one would smile. They all look they just ate a lemon and wouldn't care to look at you.

[Hules]

Gawd that is so true. I'm experiencing that. I used to live in an apartment of 21 floors, so there were about 500-600 people in my block. Whenever I entered the lift, no one would smile. They all look they just ate a lemon and wouldn't care to look at you.

 

I'll give you a good example. Basically I have lived my entire life in one of the biggest population centers in my country, millions of people it's all I've ever known.

 

There is generally only a few places where people let down there guard, and form friendships/relationships that been School/Uni/Work/Clubs (sporting etc) anywhere else if you try to get to know someone your considered a threat.

 

End up having very close nit social groups. Trying to break out and meet new people, can be incredibly hard because people are generally very un-trusting in cities.

 

My older brother got married about 5 years ago and moved to a small country town with his wife to start a family (1000 people tops). When I first went to visit him there after he bought a house etc. He was showing me around the town and suddenly this guy approaches me and goes "Hey there haven't seen you around here before." shakes my hand and starts asking me a bunch of questions.

 

I was immediately on the defensive, thoughts going through my head. What does this guy want?, is he going to try to mug me?, what scam is he running?, what is he trying to sell me?, is he crazy? etc.

 

Conversation went on for a few minutes then he talked to my brother for a few minutes. After he walked off I looked at my brother and was like "what the hell was his deal?" and my brother replied "you get used to it, people are different out here". The whole concept of having a conversation on the street with a stranger was so foreign/alien to me.

 

Now 5 years later, quite a few people recognize me as such and such's brother who lives in the city who is studying etc. I have no ****ing idea who these people are but they know who I am.

 

If I buy something from the supermarket there I have to have a 15 minute conversation with the store clerk or they think I'm an ass.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Hules