geegirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If you really want to do NC, you will do it without worrying about doing it via email, face to face, smoke signal, etc. First you were worried about being rude for just disappearing on him. Then the solution was email. You give him your reasons and you solidify your stance by ignoring him. Then he learns. Then you said you must say it face to face so he will know you are serious. You have motives for wanting to see him face to face. It's not to implement NC, but to get one more hit to see if he will change his mind when he hears you drop the NC bomb. If you truly want to NC, you will save yourself from interacting with him face to face, which YOU yourself said is very hard, and just send the email stating your needs. Your need to see him is just that, your need to see him. It has nothing to do with implementing NC. You may want to implement NC but only after you see how he reacts after you tell him. That's banging your head against the wall again.
Author xbexy87x Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Im not ready for NC so I dont want to but I know I have to. Its been going on for too long now and I know he has me where he wants me. Your right I do just want to see him just one last time and to tell him face to face. I know nothing will come of it, it wont change his mind why would it. He has already made a decision that he doesnt want me long ago but still keeps me on his leash anyways. Me saying about NC wont do anything for it because he probably thinks ill break it! Is seeing him one last time really that harmless.. Ill just grab my stuff, tell him baout the NC and go that is all.
geegirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Feeding each other breadcrumbs: Keeping each other on a string. Keeping each other coming back for more. Keeping the door open for whatever little of each other you can have. You keep him connected to you and he keeps you connected to him with little breadcrumbs to entice and keep the cycle going -- you wanting to NC but going and sitting in his car, cuddling, buying him an egg, wanting to see him to break and then find another reason to go back and break again, saying no but meaning yes while he holds your stuff hostage to keep door open, wanting to text you and give you egg, don't want a gf but keeping you around so he can enjoy the perks of having one without committing. Push and pull, back and forth, up and down, cycle goes round and round.
geegirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is seeing him one last time really that harmless.. Ill just grab my stuff, tell him baout the NC and go that is all. It's not about whether it's harmless. You said you're afraid to do it. You're afraid because 1) it is going to hurt you like hell when he does not give you the response you want and you realize the finality of it all while looking at his face 2) you cave and flip flop again. If you want to see him one last time, then see him but make sure you are ready for the aftermath and that that will be your last goodbye without making anymore reasons why that last goodbye was not quite right and that you need another one.
betterdeal Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Betterdeal - I do take advice from people and that's what im doing, im going to do the NC but I havnt decided if im going to tell him by email or face to face. Im just scared that is all... The reason you are scared is that every time you meet this person you come away from the meeting hurting more. It's the meeting / texting / emails / Facebook - contact - with this other person that is hurting you. You're also scared of being alone. The person you most recently entrusted your soul to is the person that keeps hurting it. He cannot make the pain go away. That leaves you to do the hard graft of looking after you. I dont understand what you mean by me being lied to?? He hasn't forgotten a thing. He's holding onto you things to keep seeing you. You've lied to yourself too, by trying to rationalise seeing him again as being to give him an egg / get your stuff / look at his car / tell him you aren't talking to him. You see him again because you want to see him, not for any of those excuses. But seeing him is what is hurting you. Hence you are afraid. It's confusing, I know, but the person you most want to see is the last person you need to see right now. Also I dont understand the whole breadcrumbs thing that ive been reading through peoples threads! This means to be throwing little titbits, small offerings, nothing substantial to one another.
nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Please go into Strict NC and cease all contacts from/with/to him. Whatever he's going to do and say is no longer a matter to you. I do not want to be with a guy who wants to keep me around by his side but doesn't want to be committed to me. when you pass this phrase, you will feel proud of yourself love yourself , keep away from your ex He is not the one
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