ohmissrissa Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ok I have a huge problem. So I have been with my boyfriend/fiancé for a while now and we first met in high school back in my sophomore year. I am hearing and he is deaf so I had to learn ASL for him and it was worth it. But when we first started dating he was with another girl and he cheated and broke up with her for me. I started to get paranoid when this guy that use to like me said "He cheated on her so why not you?" and this got me thinking. He ask me to marry him and of course. We were pretty much our "first" everything and it seemed to be too good but we planned on it after college. I just moved last month a hour away from him to join Job Corps but now I am starting to feel a little jealous. There is a girl and my boyfriend and her have been "friends" since middle school. There both deaf and always seem to be together. I don't know why I am jealous because, she said she only sees him as a brother and, not to be conceded or anything but, I am beautiful and skinny and guys always try to get with me but I am still so... jealous. Why? (Sorry about the grammar and spelling)
ComputerJock Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well, your both cheaters. If you and he saw each other while he was going with someone else, if that's what I read, then you both cheated on the girl he was seeing. If you both are capable of cheating, then yes, I would be worred not only for him cheating on you, but you are capable of cheating on him from you past actions. His female friend may be more than just a friend.
Kelemort Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If the only reason you think that no one is going to cheat on you is because you're "skinny" and "beautiful," you should be feeling jealous because it's a testament to how vapid the rest of your personality might be. Lots of "skinny" and "beautiful" women end up being cheated on. Sometimes, cheating has nothing to do with that - it's just about getting some variety. You can have the hottest girlfriend or boyfriend in the world and still want to cheat, so it's an irrelevant issue. I'm sure it may contribute some if you find your partner unattractive, but it's not a given. You are now faced with the dilemma of those who pursue cheaters - invariably the question of, "He cheated on her, who's to say he won't cheat on me?" pops into their heads. And it should. If he did it to her, he will do it to you. Sometimes people change, but I suspect that you are both still very young (maybe 18 or 19) and relationships tend to be treated more like objects and toys than anything of significance or importance. And really, there's nothing that can diminish that fear except for time and maturity. You're right that there may be more to your boyfriend's relationship with this other girl, especially since you are now so far away. It's also possible that they are truly just friends. Approach your boyfriend and talk to him about your fears. See what he says. And ask if he would be willing to spend less time with this girl or less time with her alone. I think that's a reasonable concession to make in a relationship. I would expect my boyfriend to be jealous of my relationship with my best friend if he and I were seeing each other all of the time - I think that a little of that possession, especially given our culture, is entirely natural. But other than that, you are going to have to deal with your trust issues in this relationship. Maybe your boyfriend has grown up since he was 16 or 17, but no one can say for sure. What's important now is keeping your relationship strong even though you are distant from each other. Skype and talk to each other, call each other on the phone, play games online with each other. Visit periodically on the weekends. Surprise him with a trip to a museum or a miniature golf course, depending on his interests. If you build up your relationship with him, you can hopefully eliminate some of your fears about him going back to his old ways.
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