Ginger Beer Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 On here, when it comes to NC and if the ex reaches out, some people say ''it's because they want you back'', or ''they are breadcrumbing you'', some say to continue with NC, some say if they want you back they will eventually tell you they do but others will say not necessarily as one's pride can mean they won't actually say the words. I'm so confused.
Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Nc is about you healing and the power and control involved in a split. If you get upset at a split your ex has the control, knowing you desperately want to be with them, if you initiate NC then that takes control away from them. Its a risk getting back together with someone who dumped you, will they do it again will be on your mind, but NC makes YOU stronger. Think of the Gloria Gaynor song 'i will survive' at the start she was devastated but as time went on with NC and he returned she was strong enough to tell him to get lost.
Movingthrough Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 On here, when it comes to NC and if the ex reaches out, some people say ''it's because they want you back'', or ''they are breadcrumbing you'', some say to continue with NC, some say if they want you back they will eventually tell you they do but others will say not necessarily as one's pride can mean they won't actually say the words. I'm so confused. What we mean is its more of a "Unless they come knocking on your door saying i truthfully messed up, this is why, please give me the chance to make it right", then its probably crumbs. Its hard in a breakup but the easiest things are the most obvious. We start doing the whole "Well he/she did this so that means they still like me right?" No. In general you need to get yourself fixed before they come banging on your door anyway (if they even do). So from the minute its over, ME should be the only thing in your equation, its hard but dont worry about them.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) "On here, when it comes to NC and if the ex reaches out, some people say ''it's because they want you back'', or ''they are breadcrumbing you'', some say to continue with NC, some say if they want you back they will eventually tell you they do but others will say not necessarily as one's pride can mean they won't actually say the words." You don't have to get confused NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore. That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again. If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again. Most of the cases we see over in this sub-forums are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end. Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of a individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship. If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons: - It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee. - It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more. - It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust. Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real. Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.) If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again. NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to discover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life. NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself. My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for." Edited April 5, 2011 by Fufu
kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 "On here, when it comes to NC and if the ex reaches out, some people say ''it's because they want you back'', or ''they are breadcrumbing you'', some say to continue with NC, some say if they want you back they will eventually tell you they do but others will say not necessarily as one's pride can mean they won't actually say the words." You don't have to get confused NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore. That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again. If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again. Most of the cases we see over in this sub-forums are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end. Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of a individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship. If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons: - It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee. - It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more. - It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust. Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real. Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.) If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again. NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to discover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life. NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself. My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for." HI FUFU. I missed you. ........and you absolutely right.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 kingofhearts: Yoz I saw you posted a new thread, will be going there shortly to take a read, I hope you are doing fine .
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