Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hello all, I was recently in a long distance relationship with a great girl, we are both 41 and had three wonderful years together. At the end of February we were discussing me moving in to be with her as its what she said she wanted more than anything. A month ago i found out that she had been in touch with a guy that is 25 (old enough to be her son as i pointed out) and had a big fall out about it. I said some really harsh things to her as i was going through a bit of turmoil wanting her to reassure me that it was just platonic even though she was constantly speaking to him on the phone instead of speaking to me as we always used to do due to the distance. Anyway it all came to a head 3 weeks ago on a Saturday, she ended it and i got very upset, i called her but she wouldnt speak to me and slammed the phone down, but didnt put it down properly and i heard her talking to him on her mobile phone, crying to him saying i was unreasonable as she was just talking to him, i text her while i was listening and she was relaying my texts to him, think i text her about 8 times that night, the last one mentioning that she hadn't put the phone down properly and she swore then hung up. The very next day she changed her mobile number, her home phone number and deleted her facebook, very extreme measures as it was like i was constantly harassing her. it was only 8 texts!! I spent a week trying to contact her through email and got no response, my friends told me to go nc, so i sent 1 last email (to her work) and i changed my tactic a bit as i didn't want to leave it as me pleading and begging. I simply put that maybe she was right that we needed to split, apologized for what i did and mentioned that i have to go and rediscover myself. She actually replied to this (first time in 3 weeks) but the reply was pretty negative, it read 'I am glad you rediscovered yourself, please don't email me at work or i will get into trouble!!' I am now sticking to nc as that seems to be a good way to leave it, but i am hurting so much. One minute she was a soulmate, love of my life and the feelings were mutual, the next she doesn't want anything to do with me and my world crashed down around my ears. I still look at my emails, and phone, hoping she will get in touch as i cant believe that if she felt that way it all disappeared overnight. i contstantly have butterflies in my stomach thinking about her and i know she doesnt think about me, i have my ups and downs, sometimes thinking why should i miss her if she doesn't miss me and then i think i really miss her and get upset. Life sucks sometimes and it doesn't seem to get easier no matter wh..at age you are
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Heartbreaks do get anyone, whether one is 18, 25, 34, 45, 56....... I am happy to hear you've began your NC to heal yourself, in the initial stage, you will experience roller coaster mood swings but believe me it does get better in time. Every roller coast mood swings you sat through, you become stronger and confident in yourself. You will be fine and you will always see the light at the end of the tunnel, that's the beauty of NC. How about grabbing yourself some self-motivational books to read and occupy your mind?
Author Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Heartbreaks do get anyone, whether one is 18, 25, 34, 45, 56....... I am happy to hear you've began your NC to heal yourself, in the initial stage, you will experience roller coaster mood swings but believe me it does get better in time. Every roller coast mood swings you sat through, you become stronger and confident in yourself. You will be fine and you will always see the light at the end of the tunnel, that's the beauty of NC. How about grabbing yourself some self-motivational books to read and occupy your mind? Thanks for your words Fufu It is so difficult, but i need to do it, she knows where i am and if there's no contact then shes not interested..just wish the butterfly feeling in my stomach would go away now...i have 2 kids from a previous relationship and they are with me tonight, its amazing through the eyes of a child how comments from them can perk you up a bit. My 11 year old son said to me ' Don't worry dad, you will get over her in 3 or 2 days'..made me smile for the first time in a few weeks
Ajax Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for your words Fufu It is so difficult, but i need to do it, she knows where i am and if there's no contact then shes not interested..just wish the butterfly feeling in my stomach would go away now...i have 2 kids from a previous relationship and they are with me tonight, its amazing through the eyes of a child how comments from them can perk you up a bit. My 11 year old son said to me ' Don't worry dad, you will get over her in 3 or 2 days'..made me smile for the first time in a few weeks Maybe not in 3 or two days, but the positive additude has to pick you up. Sorry to hear about what happened. It does sound like it would have been pretty traumatic to you. When things fall apart that rapidly it spins your head around. As hard as it is, try not to think about the 25 year old. I'm not much older than him, but hey, I can sympathize with you. There's a funny flip side as I've had girls my age dump me before for much older men. But that's neither here nor there. Time to take care of youself and your family. Take a vacation if you can. It's hard, after 8 months I have trouble myself, but you need to let go of the idea of having her in your world and start living in your own. It sounds like she's dealing with something that's bigger than you or your relationship... possibly commitment issues. And that's not something you can help her with, it would only push her further away.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for your words Fufu It is so difficult, but i need to do it, she knows where i am and if there's no contact then shes not interested..just wish the butterfly feeling in my stomach would go away now...i have 2 kids from a previous relationship and they are with me tonight, its amazing through the eyes of a child how comments from them can perk you up a bit. My 11 year old son said to me ' Don't worry dad, you will get over her in 3 or 2 days'..made me smile for the first time in a few weeks You are most welcome Your son is very sweet ^_^
Author Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Maybe not in 3 or two days, but the positive additude has to pick you up. Sorry to hear about what happened. It does sound like it would have been pretty traumatic to you. When things fall apart that rapidly it spins your head around. As hard as it is, try not to think about the 25 year old. I'm not much older than him, but hey, I can sympathize with you. There's a funny flip side as I've had girls my age dump me before for much older men. But that's neither here nor there. Time to take care of youself and your family. Take a vacation if you can. It's hard, after 8 months I have trouble myself, but you need to let go of the idea of having her in your world and start living in your own. It sounds like she's dealing with something that's bigger than you or your relationship... possibly commitment issues. And that's not something you can help her with, it would only push her further away. Thanks, i try not to think about him. either it is platonic (he lives 90 miles from her) just feels like a replacement for me, not knowing usually makes you think the worst...but not my business as she finished it...damn tough though.. You are most welcome Your son is very sweet ^_^ Thankyou fufu - he has aspergers syndrome and says things as he sees it without worrynig about feelings Welcome to the club =') thanks sake, i know NC is the way to go and hope everyone here can help, in return WHEN i am healed, hopefully can help others who join..
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I am so sorry. I know it's no condolence, but it's better to put her out of your mind and move on. She's not worth hurting over.
Author Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I am so sorry. I know it's no condolence, but it's better to put her out of your mind and move on. She's not worth hurting over. Thankyou, i have to keep with NC and actually used the time to browse the internet and see that other people have same issues. I know that in a few months i will be feeling better, just getting there thats the hard part!
Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Sorry you are going through this. It does suck at this age doesn't it? I'm 39 and he was 54 and we both swore we were soul mates and NEVER fell in love like this before, the works. I left myself raw open to love. I look at it like this though I am still very hurt. I thank him because now I know what real love feels like even if he lied and didn't. I know what I'm looking for. I know that there is someone special and maybe this was a trial from God or your higher power. I know I loved right. I can look back knowing I did nothing wrong. Time heals us. Some people look for drama and when there isn't any they go out and find it. She might have grown up and is only comfortable in a certain type of relationship rather it's argueing, fighting. IDK. Stay away, do your thing. Just thank her in your head for letting you know you have a beautiful heart and some girl is going to be damn lucky and just when YOU are happy she will eat her words. Life has a way honey doo. (HUGS)
Author Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you for that I know time will help, thoughts of her just now are painful but you are completely right, in the end she obviously wasn't what she claimed to be and the shock and realization is a bitter bill to swallow. I will strive to get to the detachment stage that if she did try to communicate i would be strong enough to chase her off!!
Chi townD Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Good job on holding your head up high and going NC. This is the time to heal yourself. If you felt uncomfortable about the situation, then you did the right thing. It sounds like she has a case of the GIGS. She's 41 and he's 25. If she honestly thinks that he's interested in her for the long term, she's gonna be in for a big surprise and then she'll realize what she threw away. By then, I hope that you have moved on. Her loss, not yours.
Author Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Good job on holding your head up high and going NC. This is the time to heal yourself. If you felt uncomfortable about the situation, then you did the right thing. It sounds like she has a case of the GIGS. She's 41 and he's 25. If she honestly thinks that he's interested in her for the long term, she's gonna be in for a big surprise and then she'll realize what she threw away. By then, I hope that you have moved on. Her loss, not yours. Thank you friend, NC is a must - i don't want to know,what goes around comes around i believe that and she wont have me to rely on to help her heal.
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