jessy1 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hey all This is something that happened a while ago but has been on my mind for ages and I cant seem to get it off I became involved with a guy whom I fell for really badly. He treated me like a princess for a while, told me he loved me, wanted a relationship with me, I was the only girl he had ever felt this way about bla bla bla. Basically we were inseperable. He has a very very experienced sexual history, In the past he pretty much had a different girl every night so was very experienced and knew what he was doing. I on the other hand only had two sexual partners, one was LD so I didnt have much sex at all the the other didnt last long at all so I am quite inexperienced and when I met him I had almost been a year without sex (he knew about this, and said it didnt matter at all him). Anyway after like a month or so I stayed one night and I was planning to take things slow and just hang out but he was all over me. I guess I was a bit shy and it had been so long and it was with a new partner who was so experienced!!! Eventually we had sex but it was just in the missionary position, he didnt try anything else and neither did I. I kinda wanted to take it slow for the first time in like a year. I certainlly didnt just lie there like a plank, infact he said he had to chase me round the bed cause I wouldnt lie still lol. But still, it was just plain old missionary style sex and nothing else besides a bit of kissing and cuddling etc. Anyway to cut a long story short, he pretty much stopped talking to me and contacting me after this. I was heartbroken. He started dating someone else pretty quickly after without breaking things off me or really even talking to me. I start to think that its my fault because I wasn't good enough in bed. I started to feel really really bad about myself. I want so bad to be good in bed but he never really gave me a chance. So guys if you knew a girl was inexperienced and had been almost a year without sex and she wasn't great the first time would you drop her? I really wanted another chance to show that I can do better but he just shut me out pretty much right away Im kind of at the point where im worried about having sex again incase the same thing happens. My confidence is totally shot. Is it all my fault for not being amazing in bed?
Andy_K Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I can't speak for all guys, but I rate enthusiasm & openness to doing things WAY higher than any ability in bed when looking for a girlfriend. It doesn't take very long at all to teach a willing girl exactly what you like, and vice versa. If on the other hand she's just not interested in doing anything differently and the experience isn't so good, then it's a different story. A guy who makes a habit of sleeping with many girls probably does not hold the same attitude, because he's never taken the time to see how things change or developed the communication skills necessary to make it happen.
tetrapod Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Agreed, eager and willing is far more important than anything else. Oh, except communication. The first few times you have sex with anyone new tends to be rather awkward and embarrassing because you are just getting used to each other. After you get through that you tend to start experimenting and exploring. By the sound of things he has never done that. He has 'experienced' a lot of different first times, but he probably hasn't experienced a lot of different ways of having sex. If he was so damned good in bed with many many women, why did no one come back for seconds? Next time, just forget about notches on the headboard, they are meaningless. Just talk, be willing and eager to learn, and you will automatically be good (oh, apparently couples do most of their experimenting in their first year, it drops off steeply in their second year, and statistically are unlikely to try anything new after two years! )
utterer of lies Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is it all my fault for not being amazing in bed? No, don't worry. Most of the girls I've had sex with needed to be trained for a few months..
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Hey all This is something that happened a while ago but has been on my mind for ages and I cant seem to get it off I became involved with a guy whom I fell for really badly. He treated me like a princess for a while, told me he loved me, wanted a relationship with me, I was the only girl he had ever felt this way about bla bla bla. Basically we were inseperable. He has a very very experienced sexual history, In the past he pretty much had a different girl every night so was very experienced and knew what he was doing. Having a lot of sex is not the same as being experienced. He sounds more like he is a ladies man. A ladies man is good at charming the pants off a woman but he isn't any better than the average Dick and Harry in bed. I on the other hand only had two sexual partners, one was LD so I didnt have much sex at all the the other didnt last long at all so I am quite inexperienced and when I met him I had almost been a year without sex (he knew about this, and said it didnt matter at all him).So you were basically a born again virgin being touched for the very first time. In his case your experience didn't matter because he was only looking to add notches to his belt. To the average guy a woman's experience doesn't matter though some might get intimidated by her being too experienced. Experience in bed is more of a demand women put on men but not the other way around. It does become a problem if she wants to stay very fixed in her sexual experience especially if it goes no further than missionary. Anyway after like a month or so I stayed one night and I was planning to take things slow and just hang out but he was all over me. I guess I was a bit shy and it had been so long and it was with a new partner who was so experienced!!! Eventually we had sex but it was just in the missionary position, he didnt try anything else and neither did I. I kinda wanted to take it slow for the first time in like a year. I certainlly didnt just lie there like a plank, infact he said he had to chase me round the bed cause I wouldnt lie still lol. But still, it was just plain old missionary style sex and nothing else besides a bit of kissing and cuddling etc.Women wanting to just lie there and have the man do everything is quite an issue and very common. It is good to see that you were an interactive partner and not a plank. Men and women should be equal participants but unfortunately many times that's not the case. Then women get mad when he did nothing for her though she did nothing at all. Only ever expect out of sex as much as you put in. Anyway to cut a long story short, he pretty much stopped talking to me and contacting me after this. I was heartbroken. He started dating someone else pretty quickly after without breaking things off me or really even talking to me. I start to think that its my fault because I wasn't good enough in bed. I started to feel really really bad about myself. I want so bad to be good in bed but he never really gave me a chance. So guys if you knew a girl was inexperienced and had been almost a year without sex and she wasn't great the first time would you drop her? I really wanted another chance to show that I can do better but he just shut me out pretty much right away Im kind of at the point where im worried about having sex again incase the same thing happens. My confidence is totally shot. Is it all my fault for not being amazing in bed?Actually quite a few men would prefer a virgin but in this day and age you can't be that picky unless you want to stay a virgin. It wasn't your fault he left you. He was a womanizer. That's why he didn't treat you right. Your fault in this was you knew he was a philanderer but you still pursued a quasi-relationship with him after a little flirtation and some sweet words. You need to learn which guys you need to be hard to get around like womanizers and those you should be easier on because they have a tough time pursuing relationships due to much lower charisma and social skills. Edited April 5, 2011 by BeginAgain
Nexus One Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Anyway to cut a long story short, he pretty much stopped talking to me and contacting me after this. I was heartbroken. He started dating someone else pretty quickly after without breaking things off me or really even talking to me. What a douchebag. Incredible, some men. *shakes his head* I start to think that its my fault because I wasn't good enough in bed. I started to feel really really bad about myself. I want so bad to be good in bed but he never really gave me a chance. Don't, you just met a low quality guy that's only interested in sex. DO NOT go for guys like that, they will not love you for YOU. They're interested in some p*ssy, not anything else. Thinking about a relationship with guys like that is futile. So guys if you knew a girl was inexperienced and had been almost a year without sex and she wasn't great the first time would you drop her? No, of course not. Reasonable guys don't do that, period. Reasonable men will first of all be understanding. Good men will not see it as an issue at all. Sex isn't everything, it's part of a relationship, but it doesn't and certainly shouldn't define a relationship. I really wanted another chance to show that I can do better but he just shut me out pretty much right away Let him walk, guys like that only use their d*cks as a compass. Is it all my fault for not being amazing in bed? No not at all. You deserve a better guy, that's the issue, not you. Edited April 5, 2011 by Nexus One
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Don't, you just met a low quality guy that's only interested in sex. Is there really any other kind of guy? If I didn't feel sexually attracted to women and want to have sex with them then I wouldn't be pursuing long term relationships with them. I'd be more than happy to keep my life the way it is.
EasyHeart Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 So guys if you knew a girl was inexperienced and had been almost a year without sex and she wasn't great the first time would you drop her? I really wanted another chance to show that I can do better but he just shut me out pretty much right away Im kind of at the point where im worried about having sex again incase the same thing happens. My confidence is totally shot. Is it all my fault for not being amazing in bed?NO!!! This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. This guy is obviously a user. He got what he wanted from you (ie, sex), and once he accomplished his objective he moved on to the next girl. There are plenty of guys like that out there, especially when we're young. No mature, emotionally healthy man gives a damn about a woman's sexual "skills". Instead of worrying about being "amazing in bed", what you SHOULD be learning from this experience is how to identify men like this. You got played. That sucks, but it happens. Now, just make sure it doesn't happen again. No one -- including you!!! -- deserves to be treated like this.
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 The impression I have gotten from women is that for it to be great sex she needs a great orgasm. When it comes to a man if he isn't fruit loopy he will think it was great sex by just having sex with you, the girl he is attracted to, even if he has had much better orgasms or his orgasm was weak.
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I became involved with a guy whom I fell for really badly. He treated me like a princess for a while, told me he loved me, wanted a relationship with me, I was the only girl he had ever felt this way about bla bla bla. Lies, lies, lies. Basically we were inseperable. He has a very very experienced sexual history, In the past he pretty much had a different girl every night so was very experienced and knew what he was doing. I on the other hand only had two sexual partners, one was LD so I didnt have much sex at all the the other didnt last long at all so I am quite inexperienced and when I met him I had almost been a year without sex (he knew about this, and said it didnt matter at all him). Possibly he saw you as a "challenge" to conquer then? Anyway after like a month or so I stayed one night and I was planning to take things slow and just hang out but he was all over me. I guess I was a bit shy and it had been so long and it was with a new partner who was so experienced!!! Eventually we had sex but it was just in the missionary position, he didnt try anything else and neither did I. I kinda wanted to take it slow for the first time in like a year. I certainlly didnt just lie there like a plank, infact he said he had to chase me round the bed cause I wouldnt lie still lol. But still, it was just plain old missionary style sex and nothing else besides a bit of kissing and cuddling etc. Men don't expect you to whip out the acrobatics on first-times usually, and quality men are generally nervous, more interested in getting to know you sexually, and get things going in a compatible direction on first-times anyway. I would imagine breaking out crazy moves, even if you had them, on a first time (in a relationship context) would be a bit odd. And there's no way a woman who is willing, having fun, and engaged in the act can really be "bad" in bed, unless you're doing something weird/he doesn't like (biting a guy who doesn't like to be bit comes to mind. . . . ). But it's really not something to worry about. At any rate, sex in any new relationship has always been different for me. This notion that there are "levels" of sex that are good/bad is weird. Sex is about the experience with that partner, and something has to be very off (malfunctioning, not fitting, not being attentive to your partner, not being engaged, not listening) for the sex to be bad, in my experience. Anyway to cut a long story short, he pretty much stopped talking to me and contacting me after this. I was heartbroken. He started dating someone else pretty quickly after without breaking things off me or really even talking to me. But he said he wanted a relationship with you earlier? No, this guy is just a jerk. It has nothing to do with how good you are in bed. I would try to watch out whenever you feel/see similar patterns to whatever his actions were in the future. It sounds like he came on very strong and also employed a lot of seduction/overly sexualized the early parts of the relationship. That can tell you that a guy is only interested in one thing -- your booty. If the guy actually liked you and saw you as a human being, he would not have stopped talking to you after getting laid.
Nexus One Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is there really any other kind of guy? If I didn't feel sexually attracted to women and want to have sex with them then I wouldn't be pursuing long term relationships with them. I'd be more than happy to keep my life the way it is. Yes, there are guys out there that don't leave their girlfriend after having had mediocre sex with them, let alone after just the first time. You just don't treat people like that, you don't reduce them to mere f*ck dolls. Note that I'm not saying a man shouldn't be sexually attracted to a woman, what I'm saying is he should treat her with respect and be reasonable. What that guy did to OP was neither.
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