Josh Freeman Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Hi guys I was wondering if you guys can chime in on my situation. First of all I don't have many friends (don't have any close ones) and I have had to take time off from school. The only activity I have planned every day is to find a job. This might play into my feelings. What I'm feeling right now, is like an afterthought in my girlfriends life. She is in the same situation (only with friends!) yet I usually go 4 days without seeing her. This week I will not see my girlfriend for 9 day, and it leaves me feeling left out of her life. This is something that has been making me feel down. However we do hang out for 10+ hours every other time we hang out. Not only do I not see her for long periods of times but she almost never intiates text nor does she call. Even when I start text/phone conversations they end just as fast as they start. When we hang out usually I have to be the one who has to ask, although every now and then she'll contact me to hang out (this is usually far and few between). So essentially I have minimum contact with her between these long intervals. It leaves me feeling whether she cares for me or not. Her friends she keeps in regular contact... Sometimes she hangs out with her best friend around 2 times a week all day. I hate it because when I come over she is tired from staying up all night with her best friend. Whenever I leave for a second she is texting her friend, and others and it leaves me feeling left out. When I'm with her it is amazing though.... Our connection is dynamic, and we have a lot of chemistry with each other. We never skip a beat in our conversations, and she tells me things she never tells anybody else but her best friend..... However when I'm not with her I feel like I'm out of site, out of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know what you are doing here. You should express this to her but don't make it sound like a guilt trip. Tell her you want to be more in her life if this relationship is serious. You two should be on as good terms as she is with her best friend maybe even better since you are her lover and SO. Though don't make it out to be a choice between you or her bff. Also don't make her feel like you are trying to alienate her best friend from her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josh Freeman Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know what you are doing here. You should express this to her but don't make it sound like a guilt trip. Tell her you want to be more in her life if this relationship is serious. You two should be on as good terms as she is with her best friend maybe even better since you are her lover and SO. Though don't make it out to be a choice between you or her bff. Also don't make her feel like you are trying to alienate her best friend from her life. I'm not making her alienate her best friend, I don't want that. I just want her to make me a priority in her life. Her best friend has a job and still is able to see her man once every 2-3 days a week. (just to clarify we both have a stash of money) why can't she do the same thing? I just want some kind of a sign that she is thinking of me, I just want some sign that she misses me, that she could care whether or not I'm in her life. I've faced a lot of rejection as a kid, and throughout high school and it makes this even more difficult for me. I don't want to beg, and plead for her to spend time with me.... I want her to naturally want to spend time with me. She has for reference sake told me that she loves me... Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 If you don't want to talk to her about your needs and you just want her to naturally be the good girlfriend you desire then you'll need to find someone else. Her behavior will never change especially when she is oblivious to anything being wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josh Freeman Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 If you don't want to talk to her about your needs and you just want her to naturally be the good girlfriend you desire then you'll need to find someone else. Her behavior will never change especially when she is oblivious to anything being wrong. This is her first relationship, and she can be a little oblivious. I just don't want to come off as guilt tripping her. However I also don't want her to text/call more because I'm telling her too. I don't know... I just feel unwanted right now. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I just don't want to come off as guilt tripping her. It is all in the approach. You'll have to use a soft touch. The timing, tone, and words picked will need to be carefully tailored to the situation. It is called adulthood. It isn't going to get easier. Most of your time will be spent playing politics unlike in adolescence where you say any stupid thing you want no matter how much it hurts others and get away with it like a bandit too often. However I also don't want her to text/call more because I'm telling her too. I don't know... I just feel unwanted right now. You can't ignore what you need from her in fear that she might actually fulfill it but in a robotic manner or as a chore. After a short time you will know if she is being genuine in her desire to talk to you or doesn't really care to. Then you will know if it is time to move on or not and therefore if she can give you what you need. After that no further discussion is necessary. It is beyond certain people's capacity to give others more of certain things. It can't be changed. Nothing expressed can alter it. Link to post Share on other sites
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