Luvstruckn85 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 My boyfriend of five years left me for another woman three months ago. We were together since we were 19 and had a pretty amazing relationship even through the problems that arose. Two weeks before he left he was so in love sending flowers at work, telling me how much he loved me and even asked me if I wanted to go to the court house to get married and save up for a big wedding later this summer. He was a really good bf then he just changed and told me he fell out of love in two weeks time when he met this girl. He told me she was perfect, and he felt like she was the one and and God sent her to him even though she used to be a lesbian and she was a whore. He feels that he can change her. The day after we broke up he basically moved in with her and wouldnt talk to me other than saying it wasnt anything I had or hadnt done. He basically threw me under the bus and picked up with her where he left off with me. We technically still live together and now he brings her to our house when he needs clothes, which to me is very disrespectful since our agreement was no one to the house. I still dont have closure and have no idea why this happened and it is so hard to forget 5years without any explanation.
timchambo Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 ouch. He doesn't sound very stable emotionally if he was willing to throw all that away in 2 weeks. I know its hard to see when your caught up in the situation, but he will get his. Stay strong, end all contact, and focus on what you NEED to get done. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time. At first I did whatever I found that made me happy. I spent a lot of time driving around my city, having friends drive me around the city, shopping, concerts. Just whatever sounded good that would make me feel ok at that moment. You spent 5 years building something and that **** don't disappear over night. That honeymoon stage will end long before he forgets about what you had. Give it a couple months and remember he is the one making the mistake. You will start to be able to gain some momentum in a couple months as long as you stop all contact. He will be back, but find someone better.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) You wouldn't want to wait around for a man who leave you for another woman. I hope you have started NC to begin your healing journey. My ex bf of near 3 years basically told me on the night before he broke up with me that he loves me and stuffs. And months before we bought engagement rings getting ready to be engaged this end of year. Still, he chose to break up with me. Personally, I don't think any explanation from him is necessary as he had made this decision. However, you can make your own decision to start moving on and be happy without him in your life. At the end of the day, dumpees like us can never had closure from them, we seek the closure from ourselves. Edited April 5, 2011 by Fufu
nana841121 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Your BF would be back sooner or later. Question is on you: would you accept him ? He sounds very instable and immature. i think he doesn't deserve you
Wogs11 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I feel your pain. My boyfriend of 2 years left me 2 months ago for someone else. After 2 weeks they were officially in a relationship, 2 weeks after that he was asking me to take him back and I said no, then 2 weeks after that they are engaged. So 6 weeks of dating and he is already engaged to her. They are getting Married in 4 months time. It just doesn't add up . Be strong and know that you're not alone xxx
Armyspouse Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Give him 48 hrs to get his belongings out of the house and apply the NC rule. Why is he still "technically" living with you? If he is with her then let his sh*t be at her place too. Sounds like he is trying to keep one foot in the door and one foot out. Do you really want to be the "just incase GF?" Truly wish you the best of luck!
Author Luvstruckn85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Its not so much that I want him back, cuz honestly I think he has hurt me too bad for that, but I would like some answers which I know I will probably never get. when i try to ask him questions,He tells me to just move on and forget about it find someone else cuz life goes on but how do I forget 5yrs that quick and how could he? It's so hard to start NC because we have so many financial and business ties but he doesn't really try to contact me other than to take care of his business. When we see each other he constantly tells me about their relationship and how it feels so right and improves day by day. He tells me how he likes this & that about her & compares us. I don't understand how for five years he loved everything about me but now all of a sudden there's something wrong with everything I do or she's just so much better. This upsets me that he puts so much effort into her and barely knows her but can just give up on me and everything we built and not care anything about losing it.
Author Luvstruckn85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Army spouse, we own a home together, but I'm in the process of leaving because this is starting to consume my whole life. I will be gone in the next three days and I plan to cut all communication. Although I don't think he will really try to call me since he says he's done with me and has found his soulmate.
Armyspouse Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Glad your getting out. I understand about the house/bills etc. I get that. But what is working my nerves about this is that he is discussing this relationship he has w/this other chic w/u... WTF is he thinking? Some nerve he has. Almost seems he is shoving it in your face kinda like pouring salt on an open wound. Be thankful your getting out now instead of 5 more years from now.
Fufu Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 "Its not so much that I want him back, cuz honestly I think he has hurt me too bad for that, but I would like some answers which I know I will probably never get. when i try to ask him questions,He tells me to just move on and forget about it find someone else cuz life goes on but how do I forget 5yrs that quick and how could he?" Even if he told you the answers, you won't get the real closure from him. You get the real closure from yourself. He chose to do this, you too can choose the best in your life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It's so hard to start NC because we have so many financial and business ties but he doesn't really try to contact me other than to take care of his business. When we see each other he constantly tells me about their relationship and how it feels so right and improves day by day. He tells me how he likes this & that about her & compares us. I don't understand how for five years he loved everything about me but now all of a sudden there's something wrong with everything I do or she's just so much better. This upsets me that he puts so much effort into her and barely knows her but can just give up on me and everything we built and not care anything about losing it." Gosh, this is ultimately MEAN. I have a suggestion, perhaps you can meet him one final day to settle all those financial and business ties? After that, start complete NC and begin your healing journey and discover your life again.
melenkurion Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 IWhen we see each other he constantly tells me about their relationship and how it feels so right and improves day by day. He tells me how he likes this & that about her & compares us. I don't understand how for five years he loved everything about me but now all of a sudden there's something wrong with everything I do or she's just so much better. This upsets me that he puts so much effort into her and barely knows her but can just give up on me and everything we built and not care anything about losing it. It's nothing to do with anything you have done, he is a complete mess. You deserve far more respectful treatment. He lacks any empathy. To talk to you about his new relationship is just downright mean and cruel, not to mention selfish. Decent people would never dream of acting in this way. Don't let him do this to you. If he starts this kind of conversation, state that you are only interested in the minimum necessary business talk and that that is all you are prepared to listen to. For what it's worth, he is in the crazy honeymoon phase when the chemicals in his body are sloshing around and the dopamine high makes everything seem shiny and new. Plus, if it really were that wonderful, why the need to convince you of that fact? It's a drug, nothing more. The effects wear off. However, what this has done as it has allowed you to see him as he really is, the mean things he is capable of.
kingofhearts Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Naaaaaaaa. I'll give you the answers you're lookin for..... Somebody is sprung on that Na Na!!! LMAO.... Seriously. She used to be a whore and he thinks he can change her??!! LOL. Captain save'em will definitely be back. lol. Been there done that....
Mcnulty Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He's a scumbag!! Maybe this god he talks of, sent her to him, so that she can leave him for another woman and realize she really is a lesbian after all, cos I hope he has a good answer when he stands before god and he asks him, "why?" Bin him and get NC as soon as you can.
nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He will regret his behavior what he has done is immature and selfish But love is ironic.it's not an equation which signifies input equals output. Let him go Forgive is for give Give yourself freedom
nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He has no right to tell you about his messed-up He hurts and now he wants to hurt you
nana841121 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 What are they thinking ? I wonder how they reason themselves Maybe they all should be instituted
timchambo Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 He tells me to just move on and forget about it find someone else cuz life goes on but how do I forget 5yrs that quick and how could he? This is very common. Just don't forget this stuff when hes crawling back in a few months. I had to make a list last night of all the cold hearted **** my ex did and said to/about me while she left for another man. She recently discovered honeymoon phases end and wants back supposedly. I started to feel really bad for her. Thats why I went back and made the list. I will pull that thing out every time I feel weak from here out. No doubt he is thinking of you still, but his head is F'd right now and that new shiny toy is more exciting right now. Get your stuff taken care of, start NC, and don't look back.
Author Luvstruckn85 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) Thanks guys...i really think he has totally moved on and I don't see him ever coming back, but I don't understand how he completely erased everything and is just fine in three months time, while I am hurting and so heartbroken. He called me today to tell me I need to get my own cell since we had a family plan, but when I tried to get my own when we first broke up he insisted on me not to. He even tried to give me a deadline on when to be out of the house so that he could move her in this week. I just don't get how you go from being Sooo in love in a relationship for five years telling me he was ready to marry me and he really loved what we had, then you forget everything we ever had cuz u meet someone else. I never once asked about marriage he was stressing the issue. I would even ask him is he sure since we had to been together since we were so young and never experienced anyone else. We broke up one time for three weeks during our five years and he begged for me back saying it just didn't feel right, he lived me too much and he knew he wanted to spend his life with me. He even begged for me not to move and said he was willing to do whatever it took to keep us happy. Then he forgets all of that and says he knew we could work and be happy but he wasn't willing to try cuz he thought this new girl was so much better and would rather be with her. Not only that but he treats me as if I've done something to him and tells me that crying is unnecessary and that I should be over it by now. And I do respect anyone in a relationship but it hurts to see how he wants me to do so much out of respect for their relationship, but didn't want her to respect our relationship. As much as I really hate him and this girl I hope he treats her better than me, because I wouldn't wish this on my enemy. And I know its not really her fault but I feel as if she played a part since she knew he was in a relationship and even now demanding him to try to make me move faster she really has some nerve. I really hate to change my number but this seems to be the only solution to starting NC and moving on. Edited April 7, 2011 by Luvstruckn85 TYPO
healingmovingon Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I don't know if its appropriate to say this, but this guy sounds like a complete narcissist or sociopath. It might help to look at some resources and see if you think this might be the case. Mine was abusive and manipulative too. Sick in the head. Keep thinking of the moment you get to say no when he comes crawling back to stay strong. Think of how great its going to feel. If he doesn't then he won't out of pride. This relationship he started is temporary.
love is dangerous Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 trust me girl I know it dont seem like it now , but he is not over you , he cant be in such a little time after so long , but he will realise that once you are gone, so move on and dont take him back he really dont deserve you . what an idiot. hun youll get through this and meet someone better.
Recommended Posts