Infomercials Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Maybe getting him to realize this is impossible, and I'll just have to wait and see what happens, but I'm not very objective at the moment, so I'd really appreciate some advice anyway. I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years, really more than that if you're thinking about the (long) time before then where we weren't dating anyone else and spending time with each other. For part of this time, we were in a long distance relationship because his family had moved to a different state. At this point, we were both in high school. I graduated a year earlier, and I moved to the state where he lived to go to college and be with him. Fast forward a few years later, and we moved in together. That was eight months ago, and last Wednesday he decided to leave. I've been having an extremely hard time with this, and so I've done some things I probably shouldn't have like asking him to stay with me for a while when he came over to get some of his things, or calling him crying. Breaking up with me caught me by total surprise...I hadn't imagined a life without him for years. One of the biggest problems is even though I've made mistakes, he's sending mixed signals! When we do talk, he still tells me he loves me. I told him I didn't want to see him for a while to try and heal, and he said that it hurt because he still wants to see me. He works close to the apartment we'd leased together, and he said he still wanted to come here on his lunch breaks. But the reason he said he broke up with me was that he wanted freedom, independence. Problem is, I don't want that at all. I told him we shouldn't see each other for a while...I said two months, I think that's enough time? I just don't know what to do after that. I want him back, and I don't think I'll stop wanting him back. After we see each other again, what can I do? Do I just have to sit through the next few months hoping he'll miss me enough that he realizes that total freedom isn't worth giving up on something that was so good. I guess my brain just can't reconcile the fact that he says he loves me and he wants to see me, but he left. Is there anything I can do that could help bring him back? Any advice or ideas would be so, so appreciated.
Johnny85 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Wait it out two months, work on yourself and if he hasn't responded, contact him and show your new, improved self. You MUST allow him to miss you. Good luck! I know it is really hard and I wish I had better advice for you, but unfortunately there are some things you just don't have much control over in life.
Author Infomercials Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for the reply...Not having any control over this is SO hard. I'm wondering now if deciding on a date to see each other again now, so soon after it happened, is a good idea. Should I? He's expressed that he really does want to keep seeing me, but I know that won't make anything change, and it'll just hurt me more, so I just don't know what exactly to do.
No_hope Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You need to go no contact with him, flip the tables. No this is NOT a game! It may seem like it. Never contact him! When he contacts you tell him "you know... I have been feeling a little trapped myself, I would like to experience life with out you, so we shouldn't contact each other" then don't contact him. Trust me if he loves you, he will keep contacting you. Wait it out a few months, and then take it from there. 2 months is NOT long enough. Really it isn't. If he wants to be free, he has been having that feeling for awhile, and 2 months with out you, yeah he will go crazy, he wants to keep you on the back burner. You should be what he is REACHING for, not what he SETTLES for. Got it? He needs a few months, hell maybe even a year! To really experience life with out you. But if it's true love, you guys WILL be back together! no matter what happens. If you guys get back together any time soon (probably less then 4 months I want to say) he will leave you a couple months - 1 year down the line because he will wonder about freedom again. You have to make it so he wont ever want to leave you again. During this time you need to work on yourself, get some sexy abs (this is what I am doing, my stomach is at the "flat" stage, and now working on abs) get some sexy new cloths, get a new hair do, go have fun, go to the beach, go camping with some friends, re decorate your house. Do everything for YOU. Do everything you wanted to do but couldn't because you were in a relationship. have fun! he will come back if it's meant to be. Trust me, once you get into this state of mind, it wont hurt anymore, you will accept that if it's meant to me, it will happen! what 1 year not together vs the next 70 years together?
Johnny85 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Take it one day at a time! As NC goes by, you will feel better. If you wanna know how sad you will get by breaking NC, just read my thread named Hope. If it is meant to be, he will contact you and realize what he is missing out on.
Author Infomercials Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Reading more and more on here, I think you guys are right. He left, and for me to truly be comfortable and secure in a relationship with him again, he needs to be the one to come to me. Thanks for the support. I know this will be the most difficult thing I've ever attempted. If I called him, he would come over right away and comfort me. I could walk into his work. I could do so many things to see or hear from him right now, but ultimately, none of them would help me.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Stick on with NC, you will be fine ultimately NC is my best friend now ^_^
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