Ape Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 When my ex and I first met, there was an immediate string connection between us. He cherished me and I him. We shared a lot of common interests and could hardly wait to see each other. However, he slowly became more controlling and insecure and wanting to spend every minute of my spare time with him. He gave me a hard time about doing anything without him, laying on the guilt trip. Anyway, we had some heartfelt talks and a few big spars over me wanting and needing my space. He was getting better at giving it to me when I found out he had been lying about his employment. Turns out he wasn't working the entire time (1yr) we were together. When he wasn't stating with me, he said be was living on the Naval base. He said ge kept all his gear and uniforms at the base too. He even kept the gaircut. Anyway, he was actually staying between my place and his parents. When I confronted him with the lie he did admit to it but not at first. He said he lied because he thought I would not be interested in him if I knew he was unemployed, which would not have been the case but would have moved a lot slower with the relationship. Anyway, the big lie resulted in lots if everyday lies. I was so upset over the lying I ended the relationship. The clinginess and controlling a d lies were too much to take. Over the last few months he was devastated over the breakup, and became depressed and begged over and over. I was do upset and heartbroken I could barely look at his emails and texts. I had lost my best friend and lover but knew it was no longer a good relationship for me . Note i also have small children. Anyways he started therapy to "become a better person" who can tell the truth and be comfortae with who he is and learn to be less controlling. He swears he will do whatever it takes to be better and that he loves me. I do still love him too. Do you think a guy like this can change or am I setting us both up for more heartache if I start talking to him again.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You wont know until you try. At least he SAYS he wants to try to be less controlling and jealous. But if you get back with him, and he gives a hint of insecurity or jealousy, you have to call him on it right away and nip it in the bud, and then make sure youre ready to leave if he keeps doing it.
Author Ape Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I going to give it a try. I really do love this man and would would regret not giving him Another chance. Even though he lied, he lied because he wanted to be loved. It wasn't a malicious lie.
delicious Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If you love the guy you should definitely give him a second chance. People learn from the mistakes they make and if he admits he was wrong and wants to change... then give it a try. Good luck
lapse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know, OP. It would take some serious work for him to change his patterns (it has a source, and usually it's pretty deep). Ya know, though, the thing that would be really hard for me to get past is actually that he lied about work... and actually performed that entire year. He sounds like a con artist. Of course, I have no idea... but just based on your post (and without my having any emotional investment in the guy), he doesn't sound like a good prospect... at all! If you knew then what you know now, would you have gone out with him?
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