sweetblubrry Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Its been almost 6 weeks now and its killing me but I'm sticking to it. I haven't even seen him at work. But how does NC work (besides helping yourself) if you aren't in their life anymore? It is helping me move on but what if you want them back??? Is he forgetting me in the process because I don't talk to him? I don't want him to forget me! My friends say its impossible for someone to forget me... and he'll come around if he's the right one.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Its been almost 6 weeks now and its killing me but I'm sticking to it. I haven't even seen him at work. But how does NC work (besides helping yourself) if you aren't in their life anymore? It is helping me move on but what if you want them back??? Is he forgetting me in the process because I don't talk to him? I don't want him to forget me! My friends say its impossible for someone to forget me... and he'll come around if he's the right one. No contact has two main goals: 1. It allows you time to heal and get over the break up 2. If your ex had feelings for you, he/she will start missing you at some point and this will make them contact you to possibly explore a reconciliation. However, point 2 is not guaranteed. Nor should you be using NC in the hopes that they will ever want to get back with you. NC is primarily for you to help you get over a broken heart and move on in your life. Usually what happens is by the time they do get in touch with you, you are over them and don't care anymore.
loverboy1984 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 so far point 1 is not working for me and im in week 3 of NC. Im hoping for point 2. I feel like its easier for the dumper to forget about you especially if they live a busy lifestyle. I think guy dumpers come back or regret things more often than girl dumpers.
EmperorR Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Stay nc who cares if she forgets you? Nc is for you, trust me you will reach a point of not even caring if she never contacts you again
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 so far point 1 is not working for me and im in week 3 of NC. Im hoping for point 2. I feel like its easier for the dumper to forget about you especially if they live a busy lifestyle. I think guy dumpers come back or regret things more often than girl dumpers. Three weeks is nothing in terms of mending your heart. I'm almost at week 4 of NC and had a relapse last night. You last point of guys/girls can't really hold as each situation is unique. I'm a guy and all my exes from my LTR came back at one point or another regardless if I did the dumping or they did. The bottom line is this; if the person you were with had genuine and true feelings for you and there was no cheating or physical abuse involved they most likely come back at some point. 1
loverboy1984 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Jason Yea I read one of your posts about your exes returning.Found it very interesting. Just curious in the case that you got dumped how long of no contact did you go through for her to come back? did she leave you for another guy or to sees grass is greener or what? Im trying to figure out what makes a woman come back because I hear that they are slow thinkers and seal the deal of the break up before doing it, where as guys just do it without thinking too much then maybe regret it later. The reason I ask is because the girl who left me I think did so to try out the single life in a new city and she had told me she was attracted to a guy, and I didnt want to be plan be so I made her choose and she dumped me. I still dont know the real reason but assuming this was a big part since she still loves me and didnt want to lose me completely. thanks
Author sweetblubrry Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Nothing happened in my relationship that would have been an end-all. He is confused about his life and crap, has to figure out who he is and where his life is going and didn't want to drag me down blah, blah, blah. I've had worse break-ups and the guy still came back. I'm hoping that in time, he will come around. But its killing me ugh, I miss him. Just trying to stay busy.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Jason Yea I read one of your posts about your exes returning.Found it very interesting. Just curious in the case that you got dumped how long of no contact did you go through for her to come back? did she leave you for another guy or to sees grass is greener or what? Im trying to figure out what makes a woman come back because I hear that they are slow thinkers and seal the deal of the break up before doing it, where as guys just do it without thinking too much then maybe regret it later. The reason I ask is because the girl who left me I think did so to try out the single life in a new city and she had told me she was attracted to a guy, and I didnt want to be plan be so I made her choose and she dumped me. I still dont know the real reason but assuming this was a big part since she still loves me and didnt want to lose me completely. thanks It depends on the women. One woman I was with left me for another guy and a month later she was back begging to be with me. My ex-wife contacted me out of the blue (we were separated) after we didn't speak for 6 months. An ex girlfriend contacted me 3.5 years after she had broken up with me and told me in my face she doesn't love me anymore. I was chasing her for 6 months after she broke up with me. Eventually, I just gave up, but we had LC for many years and she just kept getting warmer and warmer towards me. I had no feelings for her by then so I didn't care. Another ex girlfriend whom I ended it with got back together with me 1 month after we had broken up. My last ex, which is the reason I signed up here to begin with, ended things with me in January and got back together with me 2 weeks later. We ended up dating and doing the whole Valentine's Day thing, but soon after she started becoming distant again and I put an end to the roller-coaster ride. I have been in NC with her since March 11th. I'm pretty confident I'll hear from her again as well. Why did they leave? I'm sure some left because of issues we had, while others left because they met a new guy. Regardless of the reasons a woman leaves because in her mind she believes she can do better. In my case, while I will fight to maintain the relationship at some point I'll give up and stop chasing them entirely. Why you ask? Because I'm confident about myself in terms of looks, personality, and how well I've treated them and know that they will be very hard pressed to find someone better than me. So my motto is "Treat them like a gentleman and let them leave". Women (and Men) only realize what they had (and lost) when they don't have it anymore. Even if they left you for another guy, the "honeymoon phase" lasts 1-3 months and then reality sets. From afar everything looks beautiful (even 3rd World Kabul, Afghanistan), but take a closer look and it doesn't look as nice. You say your ex wants to be single and try dating. Let me tell you; dating is hell. If you treated her good, just sit back, relax, and maintain NC. When reality won't meet her fantasy of dating she'll start remembering the moments you shared together and will probably contact you. Just maintain your cool and let her come to you. They always come back... 8
butterfly2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I love you Jason.... lol... you make me feel so confident about my situation. I know I could have done a little better, but I treated him pretty great and I am a very good woman. He also got lucky as did I with him, cause I am sexy, beautiful, and smart. We will see where this goes. Hope for the best. 1
loverboy1984 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Jason Thanks for explaining your situation. I like your style. I did treat her like a gentleman. I am confident in myself just as you are and I know its gonna be hard for her to find a better person. The only problem we had was arguing alot due to the long distance but it was nothing serious. Also there was some trust issues since I confronted her about kissing a guy, but didnt get angry then. When she dumped me however I kinda went off on her telling her you have lost something big and you wont find anyone who loves you and accepts you the way I do, good luck in life, you wont be hearing from me...bye! I said it in a loud tone of voice. I feel bad about it but it was me being angry after being stringed along for a week with her wanting a break and saying shes 99% sure she wanted to be with me. I handled the cards I was delt and made her chose. Im a 3rd year medical student, I will be done with school and residency a couple years before she finishes her grad school so we could have started a nice life. My family liked her alot and was like family to her. I am the only person she can call her best friend since she knows no one longer and no one cared for her as much. I hope 6 years is worth starting over for her. Im not counting on her coming back. I want her to but I know Im a good catch and I have improved myself alot. I know I can treat a woman good and I have no blood on my hands since I didnt break up with her and have a 6 year relationship under my belt. So on paper I look good for my next relationship. Thanks for your input.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I love you Jason.... lol... you make me feel so confident about my situation. I know I could have done a little better, but I treated him pretty great and I am a very good woman. He also got lucky as did I with him, cause I am sexy, beautiful, and smart. We will see where this goes. Hope for the best. You know confidence is key and uber attractive. When I say be confident, I don't just mean pretend to be confident. I mean FEEL CONFIDENT! Look at your post; you know all the great qualities about yourself and you know what you have to offer to someone. You're a great catch. Someone doesn't appreciate it, but when we don't have it then we appreciate it. How many of us spend anymore than 1 second thinking about the water running in our homes? I bet none of us actually spend even one fleeting moment thinking about water, but what would happen if it got cut even for a day? We wouldn't have anything to drink and would be dying of thirst. We wouldn't have anything to wash ourselves and we would be feeling miserable and dirty. Be someone's water and they will never be able to live without you. They may think they can, but as time goes by they will realize your worth. 1
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 sweetblubrry: He chose to leave you, why would you want him to remember you? NC is solely and mainly for yourself to move, the little hope of wanting him back is not going to help you to move on. Your friends are right, if he is the right one and he do love you, let him be the one to initiate sincere contact and actions to woo you back. You have to move on first, because at the moment you are being emotional and if he (say for example) contact you but it is not for getting back with you seriously, you could easily misunderstand his intention and thought he's coming back for you. You should move on and be happily without him in your life and then if ever he comes back, you will be able to think logically if he's worth to be with again.
butterfly2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Jason - Muah! Thank you.. I am very confident,,,just have been sad lately...
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Jason - Muah! Thank you.. I am very confident,,,just have been sad lately... You should be confident. I can't see your picture very well, but you look like a great catch. There will be days where we aren't feeling 100%, but we have to remember time does heal all wounds. Eventually, you'll wake up one morning and won't feel a thing. The weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will be relaxed, happy, and relieved.
loverboy1984 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ive read Jasons post here and on other threads and I think that his attitude is the way to go. We need to be confident in ourselves. I am but being rejected brings us down at the moment. So If we are confident in our life, appearance,personality and how we have been in our relationship we should believe that we are a good catch. Our exes who dont see that have no taste, you place gold in front of them and they look for something else. Just believe in yourself, know your good, be better and learn from the mistakes you made without blaming yourself, and your all set for the next relationship. Its also nice knowing that you didnt break up or break someones heart so you dont have blood on your hands. Instead you have shown the capacity to love, care, and commit. These are qualities many people are after. Just know your not at loss. The feeling of rejection will subside.
kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 It depends on the women. One woman I was with left me for another guy and a month later she was back begging to be with me. My ex-wife contacted me out of the blue (we were separated) after we didn't speak for 6 months. An ex girlfriend contacted me 3.5 years after she had broken up with me and told me in my face she doesn't love me anymore. I was chasing her for 6 months after she broke up with me. Eventually, I just gave up, but we had LC for many years and she just kept getting warmer and warmer towards me. I had no feelings for her by then so I didn't care. Another ex girlfriend whom I ended it with got back together with me 1 month after we had broken up. My last ex, which is the reason I signed up here to begin with, ended things with me in January and got back together with me 2 weeks later. We ended up dating and doing the whole Valentine's Day thing, but soon after she started becoming distant again and I put an end to the roller-coaster ride. I have been in NC with her since March 11th. I'm pretty confident I'll hear from her again as well. Why did they leave? I'm sure some left because of issues we had, while others left because they met a new guy. Regardless of the reasons a woman leaves because in her mind she believes she can do better. In my case, while I will fight to maintain the relationship at some point I'll give up and stop chasing them entirely. Why you ask? Because I'm confident about myself in terms of looks, personality, and how well I've treated them and know that they will be very hard pressed to find someone better than me. So my motto is "Treat them like a gentleman and let them leave". Women (and Men) only realize what they had (and lost) when they don't have it anymore. Even if they left you for another guy, the "honeymoon phase" lasts 1-3 months and then reality sets. From afar everything looks beautiful (even 3rd World Kabul, Afghanistan), but take a closer look and it doesn't look as nice. You say your ex wants to be single and try dating. Let me tell you; dating is hell. If you treated her good, just sit back, relax, and maintain NC. When reality won't meet her fantasy of dating she'll start remembering the moments you shared together and will probably contact you. Just maintain your cool and let her come to you. They always come back... This is really comforting, Jason. You may save my relationship. I'll post updates on what I'm going through in a few hours. Good stuff, man. 1
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