SnowPhoenix Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Ok guys, I think I may have messed up. I emailed my guy (or at the time he was), I told him I wasn't happy with things and told him we are going to have to take a step forward in this relationhip or not have one at all. Well that was my first mistake putting too much pressure on him to committ. I knew that he wasn't ready for it, but thats what I thought I wanted. So I thought it was about making him come to his senses. We have awesome chemisty and it all seems "right" so I thought we should get into a serious relationship, that was the natural step it seemed. Well, now after talking to a gal friend of mine for a long time about things (this whole subject). I realized that I am not ready for a relationship either, by looking at my stupid actions and my own thoughts on the subject. See I wasn't clear to myself as to what I really wanted. I only knew what I thought I wanted. I hope this makes sense. I was so wrong to pressure him and I did it for the last little bit too. I got this from him today after my "pressured" email : Anyway, I apologize again so much for not getting ahold of you, I know what you are saying, about everything, and I agree. Perhaps we should just take it easy for a while, I don't want you to be missing out on something that could turn out to be good, from other guys asking you out. I know that I turn away a lot, and I guess that at this point I am just not ready to devote everything to a relationship.... (End of part) Ok, in the email I told him about passing up going out with guys, not to rub his nose in it, but to let him know that I didn't want to go out with anyone else...that's all. I know him saying he doesn't want me missing out is BS because last weekend he told me he would be so pissed if I even looked another guy. So what's up with that? And the part he talks about devoting everything, I wouldnt ask for "everything" anyway even if I was ready. Do you think he's pissed at me for bringing it all up again? I think so. But see, the problem is now...I did some real souls searching and figured out alot about what I really wanted. All I want is just someone to have fun with, get occassional affection from. If it leads to more eventually....great, but only when we are ready. But now, a kind of friends with benefits (only exclusive) is all I can handle. I dont have the time to committ to an everyday thing. I am seeing it thru his eyes and I was rushing things and putting too much on him to give me a label on what stage we're in. If I would take it all back I would. Things are clear to me now thanks to my friend being a good listener. Anyway, I emailed him back and expressed all of this. I hope he understands where I was coming from and doesn't decide to write me off for good. I do like him and if things fall apart now, its my fault. I want to have fun, be lighthearted and enjoy being with him without all the complication, that I put on things. Is it too late? Please advise me guys (or anyone)!
Eugenie57 Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 My advice to you would be to : just chill for a while. You told him what you wanted, and you got his reply. Suddenly changing your mind so that it agrees with him makes you look bogus and weak. You seem like a cool chick, why don't you just let him chase you. See if he's really interested. I know it sucks but if you worry and obsess about it (and who hasn't) your going to drive yourself crazy. IF he can't do something simple, easy and rewarding as commit then that's his problem. There is nothing wrong with you. You told him what you wanted. Be glad that at least you have standards. I guess you know now that he doesn't fit them. The best thing for you to do right now is distract yourself with something so you feel better. Why would you accept just being friends with benefits. To whose benefit would that be - his or yours? when does that ever work. Don't give up your power like that. This kid is seriously immature and if you comprimise some part of yourself just to be with him, you'll end up hurt in the end. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be happpy and this guy is complicating your life. Make sure you do whats best for your emotional health.
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