BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If I had to go with actresses I have been recently attracted to I would go with Nina Dobrev(Vampire Diaries), Katerina Graham(Vampire Diaries), Alexis Bledel(Gilmore Girls), Simone Simon(Seventh Heaven[1937]) , Alaina Huffman(Stargate Universe), and Elyse Levesque(Stargate Universe).
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I've personally been in the situation where sex is such a pain in the @ss... I'd rather masturbate. Which sucks because it simply doesn't feel as good. With porn there is no pressure, no judging your "skills", no requirement to perform, no requirement for foreplay. Sometimes all these things are great... sometimes just too tiring. I think some women struggle to understand that because sex is a much more passive act for them. Personally, I think the notion that sex is a passive act for women is a fallacy. At least, in my experience, it is. I don't think I've ever had "passive" sex (sure, it's various levels of energy, depending on how you do it/what you do --- a "We just woke up and are both still a little sleepy" session is probably going to be a little bit slower/lighter physical energy for both of us than, say, let's do something crazy we're on vacation sex or night out sex, but that's life, and I think it's good to mix it up a bit). Though women do generally require foreplay of some kind. Not just physical foreplay directly before the act but general feelings of intimacy and openness (at least I do, or I wouldn't be physically up for sex). Women require a different sort of stimulation than men, and if men begin to resent that or see it as work (the intimacy, the foreplay, the closeness, the affection) that they'd rather get around and just wank off to porn instead, I think that'd be unhealthy and not simply occasional recreational use of porn. That's using it as a substitute for contributing fully into a healthy relationship. However, if the sex life in the relationship is already not healthy, that should be addressed, of course. I would surely caution any guy who thought his girl was 100% the problem though, especially if he found foreplay and intimacy "tedious." Those things are definitely a part of the sex life, and usually with sex issues (barring physical malfunctions), both partners share part of the problem. I understand why men use it and I have no objection to my own partner looking at beautiful photographs of naked women (I like them myself), but when very young men start measuring real young women against porn stars and expecting, or even hoping/wishing, their partners will behave the same way, something is very, very wrong. I agree that his post was a little unsettling. When porn impacts the way you see actual living, breathing human beings you're in relationships with, it is unhealthy. It'd be interesting to studay men who viewed tons of internet porn in their formative ages and men who did not (same generation) and see how it changed their views of women and relationships. Women are taught that their sex appeal is their only power and that it's their responsibility to be sexy and attractive all the time for their partner. They're taught that men are basically animals who will immediately jump at the chance to be with a sexy woman. So whenever a woman's partner doesn't pay attention to her or chooses some other sexual outlet, she's bound to interpret it as a sign that she's less attractive and less sexually desirable. I was actually not taught that, and I think it's sad if any woman thinks her most powerful tool --- or worse yet, only power --- is her sex appeal. We should work on that if that's what we're teaching little girls.
milkmaterial Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 as a woman.. i'd like to say i watch porn a lot..im very sensual and i have had numerous lovers. due to my ..ageing..i kinda wanted to settle down and find someone who i love and loves me. anyway i met bf and we didnt have sex right away, since we were seperated by distance. we would have a lot of phone sex..and webcam sex. he tells me what he would do to me in bed etc.. i felt excited. whenever i watch porn..i'd imagine thats how his skills would be..and how he would completely satisfy me..but on our first night i realized that it was just ..like he didnt know how. no idea why he made me think he was a know it all in bed but i was completely disappointed. whenever he would try to pleasure me i have to think about those porn i been watching or else it would be kinda hard to orgasm. was kinda hoping i didnt have to teach someone who supposedly was a novice in the sack..but i realize i kinda have to. anyway if more women were into porn like me ..a lot of men would be then compared unfairly..and thus porn will be an issue for them too.
Eclypse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Though women do generally require foreplay of some kind. Not just physical foreplay directly before the act but general feelings of intimacy and openness (at least I do, or I wouldn't be physically up for sex). Women require a different sort of stimulation than men, and if men begin to resent that or see it as work (the intimacy, the foreplay, the closeness, the affection) that they'd rather get around and just wank off to porn instead, I think that'd be unhealthy and not simply occasional recreational use of porn. That's using it as a substitute for contributing fully into a healthy relationship. I agree that his post was a little unsettling. When porn impacts the way you see actual living, breathing human beings you're in relationships with, it is unhealthy. It'd be interesting to studay men who viewed tons of internet porn in their formative ages and men who did not (same generation) and see how it changed their views of women and relationships. QUOTE] To me that is when porn starts to get unhealthy, when you prefer it to your actual partner. That's when you know you have to quit. I have watched a lot of porn and watch it regularly and I have never ever ever in my entire life preferred to go wank over that than to have sex with my girlfriend. Foreplay is possibly one of my favourite parts of sex. She's my queen during it. I focus on her entirely. It lasts up to 25 minutes (longer than the act itself sometimes). I'm not sure what you found disturbing about my post? I admitted neither of us is perfect (and never will be) but that we loved each other for who we were and had a deep, bonding connection. I wouldnt have sex with anyone else. Porn is in my opinion an adequate subsitute when you are stressed / can't be together. Sometimes when she's on her period we can't have sex for more than 2 weeks due to distance.
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I'm not sure what you found disturbing about my post? I admitted neither of us is perfect (and never will be) but that we loved each other for who we were and had a deep, bonding connection. I wouldnt have sex with anyone else. Porn is in my opinion an adequate subsitute when you are stressed / can't be together. Sometimes when she's on her period we can't have sex for more than 2 weeks due to distance. I didn't mean it as an insult to you -- as you seem quite pensive about how porn has impacted your life -- however, if porn has changed the way you view actual women or revealed your girlfriend's "faults" to you . . . that's a HUGE impact, and it is socially a bit disturbing. I don't have an issue with someone wanking to porn, but when viewed young, as you have, I wonder if it creates unrealistic views of women and sex (which you seem to have expressed in your original post). That's as much sad for you, if it is something you have to deal with, as for your partner.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ross, do you have an imagination? I ask this, because I've noticed, as a creative person myself, that I have the strongest orgasms whenever I've fantasized without pictures. Yes, that's right, without pictures. I can think about a female celebrity I like, and picture her naked, and then picture her giving me a blowjob or having intercourse. Somehow, I'm able to fantasize easier this way, than when I have a picture of her (clothed) in front of me. It's easier for me to take off her clothes, using my mind, than to erase the clothes off a virtual picture. Now, porn is easier, because there is no work involved. Bing, the girl is already naked and in sex acts, so you don't have to do any work. But I've also noticed that I have stronger orgasms if she looks like a celebrity, or someone I know (the porn star)...in that way, I can fantasize that it's that girl, and turn down the sound, and...it IS that girl. I realize that most men don't have this ability. But as someone who's working on two novels right now, and have written short stories before, and am constantly exercising my brain, I feel it's more satisfying that way. I don't know whether I have much of an imagination. But using my imagination when masturbating instead of porn feels really really crap. And no, it's not because I'm used to porn, it was like this before I had access to porn as well. It's not just about masturbation though, as it's so nice to just stare at pictures of naked attractive women as well, it's the only way I can get to see women naked, heck, it's the only way I can get to stare at women and take in their beauty at all, since in real life it can be hard to gawp at women in public without being caught.
Taramere Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But that is the whole point of capitalism. To create a weakness is a virtue, to be ruthlessly exploited. Not to mention the 'ideologically beneficial' effects it has for those who benefit most. Of course, respectability is granted to physical as well as psychological prostitution. Providing means for psychological escapism is one way in which one can try to prevent people thinking about the status quo, and how it is not in their best interests to support it. Anyone care to imagine what would happen if there cinema and life-style magazines were not available for 4 weeks? Hello d'Arthez - it's been a while! In a sense capitalism makes pimps and/or whores of all of us. One of the main differences separating the porn industry from other capitalist enterprises is the extent to which it's embraced by the left. A friend and I were playing Monopoly. Ever since I've known him, he's been a strongly committed socialist. He loves Monopoly. If anybody manages to buy Park Lane or Mayfair you can actually see a genuine glimmer of rage in his eyes. He snaps up every property he can, stacks them with houses and hotels...and almost bursts with glee if you land on any of them. He explains "this is where I get to unleash my hidden capitalist." Sometimes I wonder if porn serves a similar purpose.
lizwashere Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know whether I have much of an imagination. But using my imagination when masturbating instead of porn feels really really crap. And no, it's not because I'm used to porn, it was like this before I had access to porn as well. It's not just about masturbation though, as it's so nice to just stare at pictures of naked attractive women as well, it's the only way I can get to see women naked, heck, it's the only way I can get to stare at women and take in their beauty at all, since in real life it can be hard to gawp at women in public without being caught. I hope you realize that the longer you continue to rely exclusively on porn for sexual stimulation and gratification the greater the chances are that you will not be satisfied with a real live, flawed woman who will look nothing like your porn stars or want to engage in the type of sexual acts regularly performed by said porn stars.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I hope you realize that the longer you continue to rely exclusively on porn for sexual stimulation and gratification the greater the chances are that you will not be satisfied with a real live, flawed woman who will look nothing like your porn stars or want to engage in the type of sexual acts regularly performed by said porn stars. *Sigh* I'll never have a woman. The kind of porn I look at is mainly chubby women who have above average, average or below average looks. These are the kind of women I am mostly attracted to, and they're EVERYWHERE whenever I go out, in fact most of the women I see when I go out are like this. I don't think I am interested in any sexual acts that most women wouldn't do.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Tell you what Liz. See how you would feel if you had a really high sex drive, you had never had a man before and you know you never will get one. And then someone took away your viabrator, romance novels, and anything else that turns you on or gives you any kind of sexual fulfillment/satisfiment in life. And then they said 'now don't you know these things aren't any good for you?'.
lizwashere Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 *Sigh* I'll never have a woman. The kind of porn I look at is mainly chubby women who have above average, average or below average looks. These are the kind of women I am mostly attracted to, and they're EVERYWHERE whenever I go out, in fact most of the women I see when I go out are like this. I don't think I am interested in any sexual acts that most women wouldn't do. Ross you need to start weeding yourself off of the porn and interacting with the type of women you find attractive. Go to coffee shops, libraries, do volunteer work, but get out there are meet them.
EmmaLou Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I'm female and maybe I'm differently wired.. But I love porn, nothing extreme.. Just normal passionate sex. I watch it a few times a week, I gt so aroused watching it.. My boyfriend knows I watch it and comes in the bedroom, sees me in headphones with the laptop and starts grinning.. I was lying on my stomach watching it a few days ago and he came and pulled my knickers down and slowly entered me, it was amazing as I was so wet.. Usually I do get very wet but I never think I'm properly expanded inside as when he first enters me it's usually painful, but then it becomes great. I can't see the harm in it, I don't fancy the people in porn, I get turned on by the sex and noises, which makes me just want to have sex with my boyfriend.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ross you need to start weeding yourself off of the porn and interacting with the type of women you find attractive. Go to coffee shops, libraries, do volunteer work, but get out there are meet them. Trade all the things I enjoy (not just porn) for a relationship where there's a possibility it could end up sexless and/or she could end up having a kid, and/or there could be all the other hassles that you can get with relationships? No thanks. Sure, there'd be the benefit of finally knowing that some women are actually sexually attracted to me, and getting to experience affection and giving and recieving physical touch. But it just wouldn't be worth it.
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I hope you realize that the longer you continue to rely exclusively on porn for sexual stimulation and gratification the greater the chances are that you will not be satisfied with a real live, flawed woman who will look nothing like your porn stars or want to engage in the type of sexual acts regularly performed by said porn stars. Well it's a good thing they won't look like porn stars. Porn stars typically have fake breasts which aren't as nice as real ones. Outside of that and anal bleaching which I really don't need the girls in porn and out here in the real world don't look much different. Most of the sex acts in non-fetish porn are run of the mill except for anal, cunnilingus, and gagging the girl with a man's dick which I am glad aren't standard practice yet. Choking her with a penis is more lulzy than erotic anyways.
lizwashere Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Trade all the things I enjoy (not just porn) for a relationship where there's a possibility it could end up sexless and/or she could end up having a kid, and/or there could be all the other hassles that you can get with relationships? No thanks. Sure, there'd be the benefit of finally knowing that some women are actually sexually attracted to me, and getting to experience affection and giving and recieving physical touch. But it just wouldn't be worth it. All relationships, even the best ones, are filled with problems and disappointments - it's called human nature. But if that's how you honestly feel then you really shouldn't be complaining or bemoaning the fact that you are alone and cannot find a partner. I know a handful of men who went that route and now that they're older are quite unhappy and wish they had made different decisions and taken certain chances.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Forgot to mention, I don't find typical porn stars attractive anyway.
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 All relationships, even the best ones, are filled with problems and disappointments - it's called human nature. But if that's how you honestly feel then you really shouldn't be complaining or bemoaning the fact that you are alone and cannot find a partner. I know a handful of men who went that route and now that they're older are quite unhappy and wish they had made different decisions and taken certain chances. Well that's what sacks, local playgrounds, panel vans, and basements are for.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 All relationships, even the best ones, are filled with problems and disappointments - it's called human nature. But if that's how you honestly feel then you really shouldn't be complaining or bemoaning the fact that you are alone and cannot find a partner. I know a handful of men who went that route and now that they're older are quite unhappy and wish they had made different decisions and taken certain chances. I know, I think for me it was just a case of the grass always being greener. But I few things that I've read and thought about today have made me feel differently. Hopefully it lasts and I don't end up craving a woman again and getting all whiny. I hate the fact that they can have that power.
lizwashere Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 In terms of the original query regarding pornography, I have no issue with it unless it becomes all consuming and starts interfering with real relationships; then it becomes unhealthy and psychologically and emotionally devastating for the other partner, normally the woman.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well that's what sacks, local playgrounds, panel vans, and basements are for. That is kind of a sick joke.
d'Arthez Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hello d'Arthez - it's been a while! In a sense capitalism makes pimps and/or whores of all of us. One of the main differences separating the porn industry from other capitalist enterprises is the extent to which it's embraced by the left. Not so sure if it is embraced by the left. I am sure the 'anything goes' 'socialists' of Labour embrace it, as a sort of way for women to liberate themselves. Not so sure if proper socialists and feminists are all that positive about the porn industry. Men or women do not 'liberate' themselves as models, porn stars, corporate lawyers, or environmentalists. Rather people becomes increasingly entrapped in irrational logic. Diets and fashion, our seemingly decreasing differentiation between lust and love, our increasing tendency to confuse justice with legality, and promoting eco-friendly environmentally wasteful bio-fuels, are but some of the (un?)intended consequences of the powerful forces that are operating in capitalism. We know how stupid these diets and fashions are, but that does not mean they do not impact on the understanding we have of our world. You can, as a woman, believe that women do not have to be anorexic to be considered attractive, but that does not mean that if a guy does not ask you out, that you will be oblivious to these notions, and may interpret his behaviors accordingly. Ever heard a rational argument against the basic tenets of democracy or feminism? The same with your monopoly playing friend. He might be a lefty, but his understanding of his world, his desires etc., have been shaped in this world, and not in the one he is campaigning for. Porn is powerful, because we are biological entities. Without reason, we'd be inclined to attempt and reproduce, pretty much like other animals in the animal world. Because we have reason, we can understand that it might not be the smartest thing to do, but that in no way annuls the natural biological drive. There is nothing wrong with being appreciative of whatever one terms as 'beauty'; beauty is elusive, for it cannot be possessed. Porn feeds us illusions to the contrary.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ross you need to start weeding yourself off of the porn and interacting with the type of women you find attractive. Go to coffee shops, libraries, do volunteer work, but get out there are meet them. Look, I know you mean well but this kind of advice (though accurate and well meaning) is not likely to help. Guys who don't have much luck with women have deep rooted issues stemming from their lack of success that are not likely to be solved by going to a coffee shop, or by doing volunteer work. It's about as useful as Brad Stevens telling Butler that they needed to go and make some baskets last night against UConn, it's great advice, if only they could go out and do it.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Look, I know you mean well but this kind of advice (though accurate and well meaning) is not likely to help. Guys who don't have much luck with women have deep rooted issues stemming from their lack of success that are not likely to be solved by going to a coffee shop, or by doing volunteer work. It's about as useful as Brad Stevens telling Butler that they needed to go and make some baskets last night against UConn, it's great advice, if only they could go out and do it. Agreed. It's like putting someone who's covered in spots in with someone who looks normal, and telling them to act like the non spotted ones.
Kelemort Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Porn has never bothered me. In fact, I enjoy watching it or looking at it with the people that I date. It's something that we both enjoy and we can bond over it - moreover, people in porn are more or less just sexual objects, toys. That doesn't bother me. What WOULD bother me? Going to a restaurant, strip club or somewhere else with scantily clad or naked girls with my significant other. It's more real and tangible at that point, and it would make me jealous to see him totally staring at naked women. But he can't be blamed - it's a buffet! I'd just never go with him. But I've no problem if he's going for bachelor parties, things like that. I'd only be worried if he were going to those like every week.
Ross PK Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Look, I know you mean well but this kind of advice (though accurate and well meaning) is not likely to help. Guys who don't have much luck with women have deep rooted issues stemming from their lack of success that are not likely to be solved by going to a coffee shop, or by doing volunteer work. It's about as useful as Brad Stevens telling Butler that they needed to go and make some baskets last night against UConn, it's great advice, if only they could go out and do it. What deep seated issues do you think would stem from the lack of success. I guess lack of self esteem and confidence would be two of them right? But I was thinking, could there be any other issues?
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