Isolde Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Did you ever stop to think of how strange the cultural institution of serial relationships is? Aliens coming to planet earth would probably think it's the weirdest thing that people do. People become really close to one another for a certain amount of time and yet when it ends, it's usually for good. Yet, when they (rarely) last, they become who people are. Relationships are an all or nothing proposition. There's not a lot of things in life that are like that. Not jobs, not friendships, not even family. Those things ebb and flow throughout the course of your life. But romantic relationships, at least all relationships aside from stable marriages, are really the one thing in life where there's most to lose. I'm not trying to be cynical or say that we should all stop dating, but sometimes the harshness of it is very striking. Edited April 5, 2011 by Isolde
eerie_reverie Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Oh, I agree! Halfway into my twenties, I still find it unsettling. I don't understand why it's not ok to stay friends.
Author Isolde Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Oh, I agree! Halfway into my twenties, I still find it unsettling. I don't understand why it's not ok to stay friends. Well, that's a related question, and no doubt some people do manage to stay friends. But even if they both want to do so, it's still pretty weird going from that closeness to friendship. Anyway, back to the OP, I'm not sure why I wrote it except that it comes out of the idealist in me. The pragmatist accepts that everyone has limitations and therefore can't be everything to everyone they date.
acrossthemiles1 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Did you ever stop to think of how strange the cultural institution of serial relationships is? Aliens coming to planet earth would probably think it's the weirdest thing that people do. People become really close to one another for a certain amount of time and yet when it ends, it's usually for good. Yet, when they (rarely) last, they become who people are. Relationships are an all or nothing proposition. There's not a lot of things in life that are like that. Not jobs, not friendships, not even family. Those things ebb and flow throughout the course of your life. But romantic relationships, at least all relationships aside from stable marriages, are really the one thing in life where there's most to lose. I'm not trying to be cynical or say that we should all stop dating, but sometimes the harshness of it is very striking. ...Wow. That was very insightful (and well-written). I agree any outside observer would likely find this whole dance perplexing, to say the least. The risk/payoff ratio is extremely unbalanced, it seems (in favor of the former factor) and it seems like many of the perceived benefits are not exclusive to the traditional romantic relationship paradigm - affection (platonic friends?), emotional support (family?), sexual gratification (booty call?). So what keeps us coming back for more punishment? Or, to be slightly less cynical, what is so goddamn good about it that we're hooked on it after the first taste? It is not the only zero-sum game in life...we encounter many all-or-nothing situations in our lifetime, to varying degrees. But something about romance makes it uniquely dangerous and appealing.
welikeincrowds Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok."
Dust Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Did you ever stop to think of how strange the cultural institution of serial relationships is? Aliens coming to planet earth would probably think it's the weirdest thing that people do. People become really close to one another for a certain amount of time and yet when it ends, it's usually for good. Yet, when they (rarely) last, they become who people are. Relationships are an all or nothing proposition. There's not a lot of things in life that are like that. Not jobs, not friendships, not even family. Those things ebb and flow throughout the course of your life. But romantic relationships, at least all relationships aside from stable marriages, are really the one thing in life where there's most to lose. I'm not trying to be cynical or say that we should all stop dating, but sometimes the harshness of it is very striking. I’m about to accuse you of being the alien observer lol. All jokes aside you strike me as being some what an outsider when it comes to romantic relationships. Who people “are” changes as time goes by, that’s why it’s a romantic notion to grow old with some one. Means even through the changes you stayed together and it happens more than you seem to think.
Eclypse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok." Don't know what you're smoking but send some of it this way! That is the most eye opening thing I've read recently I think. Human hair is disgusting when you look at it that way.
acrossthemiles1 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? To be honest, I don't think it's that "weird" in an evolutionary sense...I don't see it as being all that different from the standard preening behaviors you see throughout the animal kingdom. Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok." As a (possibly interesting, possibly not) aside, it's been "proven" that endorphins are actually NOT what give us that "high" feeling after sex, or physical exertion or whatever...for the mere fact that the molecules which comprise these neurochemicals are too large to pass through the blood/brain barrier. Meaning that just because researchers have been finding elevated levels of them in the subjects' bloodstreams does not mean they've been having any effect whatsoever on the way we feel. Just thought that was interesting. We know so little about ourselves, when it comes down to it.
Woggle Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok." What kind of stuff are you smoking?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Sometimes I wonder if I'm lucky that I've never been in a relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You have pinpointed why relationship freak me out so much. I find it extremely painful to go from talking to someone few times a day and sharing everything to nothing at all. When I start thinking like that it almost all seems not worth the strife.
Hules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Oh, I agree! Halfway into my twenties, I still find it unsettling. I don't understand why it's not ok to stay friends. Because been friends with someone you have/had feelings for is like been repeatedly kicked in the testicles, whilst having a burning hot iron skewer stabbed in and out of your heart. Its not friendship, its torture at least for me. :\
BeginAgain Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Oh, I agree! Halfway into my twenties, I still find it unsettling. I don't understand why it's not ok to stay friends. But I don't want to be just a friend. My libido prevents it. I've been interested in girls as more than friends since at least 1st grade maybe earlier. I am incapable of thinking of them platonically.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I attempted to stay friends with my most recent ex who dumped me out of the blue 2 months ago. I thought it was cool to keep in touch. It all came to a head this weekend, when he freaked out that I am dating someone new and he is still single. We had a nasty, bitter argument. I told him exactly what I think of him (I probably went a bit too far with telling him what a loser he is) and he did the same. I de-friended him from FB and we are not speaking. I doubt that we ever will.
orangelady Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Sometimes I wonder if I'm lucky that I've never been in a relationship. ha ha ha ha ask me. Lol lol
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok." See, this post is not doing it for me. It's the perfect example of when you try too hard to be clever and fail miserably
Els Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You want to know what aliens would find even weirder? Human hair. Really, think about it. We kinda don't like furless animals, right? Picture a hairless sphinx or a mole rat or something, they creep us out. OK, but we're hairless, and yet it's just fine. Picture a Greek statue and realize that we even prefer to be hairless. EXCEPT, for that one patch. The one place on top of our scalp, the small area where fur doesn't stop growing AT ALL. And hair, is pretty gross. It's just dead cells, growing in thin, greasy spaghetti strands that ooze very slowly out of tiny holes in our scalp. But that's not even it. Because, we actually style it. We cut it and we put sticky **** in it and we color it certain ways and try to make it shiny. This dead spaghetti growing only in one small place on our body, we think it's luscious and attractive. I mean, what the ****, right? Am I nuts or is this actually ****ing weird? Anyway, I think it's because romantic love is the result of the most powerful drugs our brains can make. It literally racks our bodies and the effects can last for years or a lifetime. I think if aliens got to that point in their studies, they'd go "Oh ok." I think they would find it more weird that half the population shaves off every bit of hair on their bodies except for that bit. OP, I get what you mean. But try as we might to attain higher levels of reasoning and understanding, the fact remains that we are biological beings, not robots. Biology is the very core of our beings, and influences everything, from the determination of life/death to our emotions and personalities and dreams. Romantic love is just another byproduct of that. Hormones and neurotransmitters are more powerful than we give them credit for. Some of us like to think that we're above biology.. but we're not. We will never completely be, til such a time perhaps as we succeed in uploading our minds to a computer.
welikeincrowds Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 See, this post is not doing it for me. It's the perfect example of when you try too hard to be clever and fail miserably Oh don't get all snotty just because I didn't post a picture of me. FYI that is not an example of me trying to be clever. I really believe in my alien hair theory and I was excited by the opportunity to finally talk about it
orangelady Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Oh don't get all snotty just because I didn't post a picture of me. FYI that is not an example of me trying to be clever. I really believe in my alien hair theory and I was excited by the opportunity to finally talk about it hahaha I think you're quite articulate nevertheless.
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