faithgrl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I have burnt myself with a cigarette and cut myself. My 11-year-old-bf-turned-fiance had an affair...with a girl I despise. We are getting married in 8 months. Help me please. I am goin out of my mind! I cannot share this burden with anyone besides him. We have always had a rocky relationship with regular fights but we loved each other intensely. I say 'loved' because I am not so sure he does anymore. He is aplogetic about the affair....if you can call it that. Its been mostly emails and flirting that I know of! HE REFUSES TO TELL ME THE WHOLE THING!! That is where I need help! Its been two months but he will not give me an explanation. He says he doesn't want to break up and he does not want to lose me....he needed time to gather up courage n tell me. He has verbally abused me several times in the past 2 months but we have always had a verbal abuse problem. That's regular in our fights. What's not regular is his lack of love! Since the past few weeks he has absolutely stopped communicating with me! I feel as if he is the victim!! He was loving and caring and always aplogizing after our fights....now he has lost complete interest in me! I just need to know the truth.....the whole truth.....what happened...how it happened.......and what he feels about me today............ I have tried being as loving and as supportive as possible....I have even resorted to emotional blackmail to dig it out from him but he never budges! One thing he assures me again and again is that he has not touched her EVER! I do not want to contact that female as I value my own self-worth (or whatever is left of it!!). I have been severely depressed, angry, have lost my appetite, and I haven't slept properly in the last two months; and have lost interest in the whole wide world .....except him. Am I addicted to him? Or am I the biggest fool on the planet? Pls help as breathing is also becoming an issue for me.....pls pls help!
jnj express Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Just maybe its time you grew up, became a big girl, stood up for yourself, and said bye to your scumbag fiancee-----sure do not marry him, or have any unprotected sex that might lead to a child----also stop your whining---you know what needs to be done---that is unless you wanna continue wallowing in misery
highviolet Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 You need to slow down and breathe, and stop hurting yourself. If he truly is sorry and wants to work it out, then he should be 100% open to your questions, and should be communicating with you on all levels to reassure you. He is the one who had an affair, so the burden of proof of his loyalty and devotion is on him. You need to tell him calmly and without freaking out (and be prepared to follow through) that if y'all do not work on these issues (preferrably with a counselor) and he does not show 110% effort at repairing the relationship, then you will call off all wedding plans and not continue to see him. One thing people on this site will tell you is that if you act like a bat sh*t crazy female, crying and begging and going nuts, it will repel him, and he will not want anything to do with you. You have to keep your dignity, or he will lose all respect for you and see you as a doormat. Good luck
tetrapod Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Please do not marry this man. Do not try to get him back or even understand the situation. Look after yourself and get the hell out. It is unhealthy. Why would you marry someone with whom you have regular fights? Marriage won't change that.
Kelemort Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 This guy's treating you like crap. Absolutely do not marry him and LEAVE him. If he were so 'apologetic' about his behavior, he would find a way to stop it or at least reduce it. People will do as much as we allow them to get away with. You're allowing him to treat you like this, and allowing him to CONTINUE to keep secrets about this affair - in whatever form it was! You say verbal abuse has been a regular part of your relationship, and it has obviously impacted your self esteem. Put your marriage plans to a screeching halt right now. You deserve better than someone who has to beat you down to keep you with him. Talk to him. "Verbal abuse has regularly been a part of our relationship, and you recently had an affair. I am not going to marry you until we solve these problems. You are not going to talk to me in a condescending tone of voice, you are not going to insult me anymore, etc. I would feel comfortable if you did not have contact with the woman you had an affair with anymore, and I want her completely out of our lives. I would like for us to get relationship counseling and get to the bottom of why this affair happened." But I don't even recommend relationship counseling here - that's up to you. But if this relationship is going to persist, counseling and therapy are definitely in need. You may not be able to control him, but you can pick and choose what you tolerate or accept. I would not tolerate him being in contact with this woman at all.
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