JasonRules Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 on the other side? From far away everything looks nice, but once you get up close you see things for how they are. In my case, all my exes came back at one point or another regardless if I initiated the break up or they did.
butterfly2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Same for me.... all the ex's came back. Some I rekindled others I did not... none worked out because I did not understand love and commitment, relationships and communication...... it all takes work and I wasn't willing to give it work.. I was selfish. I was not nice. Now I am nicer and willing to communicate and try to do whatever it takes to makes things work...... Don't think he has been viewing other grass but if he has I dont want to know...that would hurt me to the core.
VJohnson32 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 From far away everything looks nice, but once you get up close you see things for how they are. In my case, all my exes came back at one point or another regardless if I initiated the break up or they did. Well said... and they usually do come back when its all too late.
JasonRules Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 But to answer your question, the grass is never greener on the other side.
Author Sake Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 what if the guy she left you for has money, cars and takes her out to places and sees her almost every day? sure he may have an alcohol and smoking problem but that just gives her something to "fix" doesn't it?
hoping2heal Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 what if the guy she left you for has money, cars and takes her out to places and sees her almost every day? sure he may have an alcohol and smoking problem but that just gives her something to "fix" doesn't it? I know you are both young and I know it hurts, but I would say her behavior is pretty common for a young girl. At that age we are fickle, shallow, superficial, and immature. She will have her own baggage to deal with if she is with an older guy who has substance abuse issues and those are never fun.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 what if the guy she left you for has money, cars and takes her out to places and sees her almost every day? sure he may have an alcohol and smoking problem but that just gives her something to "fix" doesn't it? Yes that may be true for emotionally immature, insecure, and flaky women. I don't need a woman to "fix" me; there is nothing wrong with me. I want a woman to compliment my life, nothing more. You have to put things in perspective; yes, my ex or my previous exes may or may not have left me for another guy who needed to be "fixed" or whose life was full of drama, but I do not fret. Time is on my side. If there is one thing I learned in life it's this; eventually people get very tired of a car constantly breaking down and needing to have it fixed. Ultimately, people are looking to get from point A to point B (in life) and enjoy the ride. I show them I am loyal, reliable, clean, sexy, and a host of other attributes and when they become sick and tired of the BS, they always end up coming back.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well said... and they usually do come back when its all too late. Agreed. Case in point; my ex ex ex girlfriend whom I was living with for 1.5 years wanted to get back together after 3.5 years. When she had broken up with me back then I was devastated as I thought I would end up marrying this girl. In the end, she moved out and no amount of begging, pleading, and imploring could get her back. Eventually, I gave up 4 months later when she told me in my face she does not love me at all. I went into NC mode for months and and eventually she contacted me and we had LC over the course of those three years with me being my old self, but at the same time never asking her to take me back or to rekindle things. You see, by then I had gotten over her completely and just didn't feel anything for her anymore. I didn't care at all, but apparently she kept getting closer and closer to me. At some point, she kept asking me to take her for a motorcycle ride or to go out to dinner and I was constantly shooting her down. I was in a relationship and was not about to risk it just to go out with her. The relationship did not work out, but she has told me she regrets breaking up with me because she realized that I'm not your "dime a dozen" kind of guy. Life is like a wheel. Today our exes are on top, but as life moves on so does the wheel, and tomorrow we will be the ones who are top and our exes will be at the bottom.
Author Sake Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 wow Jason, you sure seem to have a lot of experience in this kind of stuff, thanks for the advice!
JustEmptyInside Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 As a victim of the whole grass is greener thing myself, I've definitely spent some time thinking about the whole situation. I believe that every single human has gone through the GIG feelings at some point, so we all know the disappointment that often follows. These feelings are normal human nature, but they tend to make people do impulsive things, and sometimes make bad decisions. That's probably why more often than not, we find out the grass wasn't greener, because we were looking at it with clouded vision. In the end - I know that the grass isn't greener for my ex, even though she's still with the other guy, and Jason is right, she will eventually feel the regret of falling for the GIGS. But the fact that she pursued this guy based on an impulse also showed me some of her real character. As for me? I think back on the times (when we were still together) when I'd be out with friends and meet a girl that seemed amazing. Maybe younger, maybe cuter, maybe nicer, whatever the situation. But you know what? I didn't care. I was in love with my ex and would have never let someone get in the way of that. So what I took away from my own GIG feelings over the years, is the confidence of knowing that my character is stronger. And that's something the new guy will never have.
fetish Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Just Empty, It's funny what you just mentioned about meeting friends cuter than your ex. There were plenty of times (when i was still with my girl) that i would see another hot piece of tail and kind of "wish" that i was single again so i could pursue women like that. But i always tried to keep it loyal to my ex and appreciate the characteristics about her. Well this past February, i found out that my ex didn't do the same for me and showed a major character flaw. She was always a gambler but got even more involved in it, and hanging out with her friends and wanting to just "Have fun", which in turn meant less time and concern for me. I approached her and told her it was driving us apart plus setting us back financially to plan for a house, wedding, and all the things we were trying to attain. She said she wanted to enjoy the rest of her 20s to do what she wanted to do, so she ended up moving out and got a place in the same complex as her friends. I think the GIG syndrme never turns out to be better. Especially with your case, Just Empty. I don't think everything is all rosy with your girl right now. She may be comfortable with the lifestyle of the big house but that doesn't mean she's happy with this guy. He probably has no time for her or doesn't do the things you did. She probably hasn't mosied up the courage to walk out just yet. As for my girl, she tries to put on a front like she's enjoying living by herself, she's paying all her bills ontime and in advance, and just acting like she's just so better off without me in her life trying to watch her spending and stuff. I know better though. I still love her and I really don't want to watch her fall, but knowing her wreckless behavior, she's going to have problems before she knows it.
JasonRules Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Just Empty, It's funny what you just mentioned about meeting friends cuter than your ex. There were plenty of times (when i was still with my girl) that i would see another hot piece of tail and kind of "wish" that i was single again so i could pursue women like that. But i always tried to keep it loyal to my ex and appreciate the characteristics about her. Well this past February, i found out that my ex didn't do the same for me and showed a major character flaw. She was always a gambler but got even more involved in it, and hanging out with her friends and wanting to just "Have fun", which in turn meant less time and concern for me. I approached her and told her it was driving us apart plus setting us back financially to plan for a house, wedding, and all the things we were trying to attain. She said she wanted to enjoy the rest of her 20s to do what she wanted to do, so she ended up moving out and got a place in the same complex as her friends. I think the GIG syndrme never turns out to be better. Especially with your case, Just Empty. I don't think everything is all rosy with your girl right now. She may be comfortable with the lifestyle of the big house but that doesn't mean she's happy with this guy. He probably has no time for her or doesn't do the things you did. She probably hasn't mosied up the courage to walk out just yet. As for my girl, she tries to put on a front like she's enjoying living by herself, she's paying all her bills ontime and in advance, and just acting like she's just so better off without me in her life trying to watch her spending and stuff. I know better though. I still love her and I really don't want to watch her fall, but knowing her wreckless behavior, she's going to have problems before she knows it. We can't be playing Jesus Christ to everyone. Sometimes, we need to let our exes "fall and fail" in order to learn. Just let them do their own thing and if they loved us (for real) they will be back.
fetish Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 We can't be playing Jesus Christ to everyone. Sometimes, we need to let our exes "fall and fail" in order to learn. Just let them do their own thing and if they loved us (for real) they will be back. You're absolutely right. We can't play J/C because there's only one. I can't be her savior and if she falls flat on her face from wreckless activities, she's no longer my resonsiblity. The troubling thing is, even if she were to try to come back, I don't think i could ever trust her again to let her that close to me. If she could up and choose a habit over our 8 years together, then i know its not the "real" love that i need.
Popondetta Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well said... and they usually do come back when its all too late. Ah, that is soooo true! I've had boys dumping me and when I meet them again a few years later they always seem keen on hanging out and dating. I hope the same thing will happen with my last ex. Unfortunately I've never felt any happiness/revenge when I've rejected them. It's just a feeling of sadness that they didn't stick around in the first place..
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