Irishlove Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Is it really possible? It felt real? Or was I a fool? He even lived with me. He is terrified of losing his company and she WILL take it. He wants all that I am but I don't have the money. I'm the 'poor girl'. She holds his testicles. lol. Did he love me? Any men....
WorldIsYours Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Is it really possible? It felt real? Or was I a fool? He even lived with me. He is terrified of losing his company and she WILL take it. He wants all that I am but I don't have the money. I'm the 'poor girl'. She holds his testicles. lol. Did he love me? Any men.... Seriously? No. And you need to leave the idiot alone. He only moved in with you for a while so he doesn't have to spend his precious money to take you to a hotel. Go NC with him.
Woman In Blue Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 He may have loved you. But he loves his money MORE.
PegNosePete Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 He only moved in with you for a while so he doesn't have to spend his precious money to take you to a hotel. Go NC with him. Quoted for truth!
greengoddess Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Often he thinks he is in love but when the reality hits him that you are a woman who was willing to F**K a married man he then loses respect for you and moves on. Sorry. You have to respect someone to truly love them and many men just don't respect women who fool around with married men.
TinaniT Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 He can. However, it doesn't matter right now if a married man can love the OW, or even if HE loved YOU... He obviously is not behaving in a loving manner and is NOT worth your time. The way someone behaves towards you matters most - and if he is not being with you because of MONEY, that says something towards his character. Know that you are worth more than him. Peace to you.
bentnotbroken Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is it really possible? It felt real? Or was I a fool? He even lived with me. He is terrified of losing his company and she WILL take it. He wants all that I am but I don't have the money. I'm the 'poor girl'. She holds his testicles. lol. Did he love me? Any men.... What she holds is control of her own life. HE made the choice to stay. Don't blame her for using the tools that are at her disposal. She certainly doesn't hold his testicles because he would have to have some for her to hold. He hasn't demonstrated ballz or backbone. He has demonstrated what he wants and it wasn't all that you are. Poor girl or not...this is what you want. Something less than a man. Hmmmmm:(
thomasb Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Often he thinks he is in love but when the reality hits him that you are a woman who was willing to F**K a married man he then loses respect for you and moves on. Sorry. You have to respect someone to truly love them and many men just don't respect women who fool around with married men. This is exactly why I could never have loved the OW! I could never have taken a woman like that home to my family. I have to much respect for them. Too bad I had so little respect for myself that I did engage in the kind of destructive behavior which led to the affair. To me, even at the time, an OP just isn't marriage material.
jthorne Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 This is exactly why I could never have loved the OW! I could never have taken a woman like that home to my family. I have to much respect for them. Too bad I had so little respect for myself that I did engage in the kind of destructive behavior which led to the affair. To me, even at the time, an OP just isn't marriage material.I totally agree, and think the bolded goes both ways.
carhill Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Background OP, for some perspective on how men can view divorce, try reading this thread Did he love you? Probably, perhaps markedly in an 'old flame' sort of way. Assuming you're both in late 30's - 40's, it's probably a combo old flame MLC type thing. Since his W is fully disclosed, I'd just leave them to work out their stuff. If he does love you, his actions will indicate it. One male tidbit.... when a man chooses to divorce where there is an OW involved, he can perceive a loss of power, mainly in the area of social proof. The successful and popular married male becomes the male who couldn't make his M work and, further eroding his social proof, apparently has a mistress on the side. It's very possible for him to end up completely alone, with a cat Good luck
confusedinkansas Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Not sure of your entire story but my answer to the question Yes, Just as a Married Woman can fall in love with a Married Other Man - A Married Other Man can fall in love with another woman & visa versa. You can't help who you love. And, I beg to differ with other posters. I think it is real love. Not some fog love. Happened to me....Back in the day. Both married to others - both very much in love.
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is it really possible? It felt real? Or was I a fool? He even lived with me. He is terrified of losing his company and she WILL take it. He wants all that I am but I don't have the money. I'm the 'poor girl'. She holds his testicles. lol. Did he love me? Any men.... why are you posting this in infidelity? most people here have been cheated on. the OM/OW forum will tell you what you want to hear.
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I'm new here, I don't know where to post sorry. Him and I were dating for a year and he hired an attorney and they were going back and forth to the attorney. Thier marriage was over from what I was told before I got involved with him. I was told he didn't live with her (her own words) they were not sleeping together (her words) I saw they were divorcing (public record). I don't want to hear what I WANT to hear. I just needed the truth.
Memphis Raines Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I don't want to hear what I WANT to hear. I just needed the truth. well you sure as hell won't get the truth from a cheating, lying, married man. of course he told you the marriage was over and that they weren't sleeping together. You think he'd get anywhere with most women if he told them otherwise? I don't know, maybe very few men would tell a woman "I'm sleeping with my wife and have an ok marriage" while trying to seduce someone else. who knows.
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 why are you posting this in infidelity? most people here have been cheated on. the OM/OW forum will tell you what you want to hear. Oddly enough when I was six months pg I was cheated on. Stayed married ten years. Just now getting a divorce as well. Happy to share that with anyone as well.
fltc Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Is it really possible? It felt real? Or was I a fool? He even lived with me. He is terrified of losing his company and she WILL take it. He wants all that I am but I don't have the money. I'm the 'poor girl'. She holds his testicles. lol. Did he love me? Any men.... Yes, it's really possible. He may very well have loved you but you must understand, his company is his entire life! Having been the owner of my own company I completely understand his feelings.
Author Irishlove Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Yes, it's really possible. He may very well have loved you but you must understand, his company is his entire life! Having been the owner of my own company I completely understand his feelings. Thank you. I never wanted to hurt anyone. In my mind the business would still be ok.
fltc Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Thank you. I never wanted to hurt anyone. In my mind the business would still be ok. But not in his mind if he left her for you? You said she would "take it away". that may be something he couldn't handle.
D-Lish Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Of course it's possible. I don't doubt that men who cheat can find love in the home and love with the other woman. I don't like knowing that- but I'd never deny it's true. One thing I can tell you is that I too owned my own business- but if I had have met someone I wanted to be with-I would have given it up in a heartbeat.... Wouldn't you? To me, it doesn't matter what your situation is, you can be an OW, the wife, the fiance, the gf... But if your guy can't do what is necessary to make you a priority- he's not good enough for you. With MM it might be the excuse of the kids, the job, the security, the financial pain of a divorce (or his company in this case)- and with other relationships there are also barriers masqued as excuses that are brought up to avoid real commitment. My point is why do any of us accept these excuses? I'm a BS in the past, but I think I've learned from that experience that women in general need to value themselves in the highest regard. It doesn't matter much to me what the situation is- all of us as women need to demand to be the prize, not an option. Love and priority should go hand and hand- we deserve to be his priority. For the sake of love, he should screw the excuses and start another company- and that's the way it should be.
Silly_Girl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 This is exactly why I could never have loved the OW! I could never have taken a woman like that home to my family. I have to much respect for them. Too bad I had so little respect for myself that I did engage in the kind of destructive behavior which led to the affair. To me, even at the time, an OP just isn't marriage material. Didn't the OP you chose turn out to be some sort of nutjob though thomasb? Harassing your wife etc? Maybe, without realising it, you knew something wasn't quite right and so were just using her to meet your needs? Someone else may find themselves very connected, and well-suited, to their AP. In that instance, with mutual feelings, equal in both sides, I would suggest there is no loss of respect.
Silly_Girl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Yes, it's really possible. He may very well have loved you but you must understand, his company is his entire life! Having been the owner of my own company I completely understand his feelings. I agree that it would be an ENORMOUS factor. Does he have kids? Because that's usually the biggest factor of all.
thomasb Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Didn't the OP you chose turn out to be some sort of nutjob though thomasb? Harassing your wife etc? Maybe, without realising it, you knew something wasn't quite right and so were just using her to meet your needs? Someone else may find themselves very connected, and well-suited, to their AP. In that instance, with mutual feelings, equal in both sides, I would suggest there is no loss of respect. You will notice I wrote "I".
thissecretgirl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 First of all welcome to ls Irish, sorry you arent in a good place right now. Dont worry about posting in the 'wrong' forum, it seems quite relaxed around here and many BS's post in the OW/OM forum. To answer your question, yes of course he could have loved you. Sometimes though love isnt enough and other factors come into play. Only you will truly know what the two of you shared and only you will know if you felt that what you shared was love. I hope you feel better soon!
freestyle Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 all of us as women need to demand to be the prize, not an option. Love and priority should go hand and hand- we deserve to be his priority. . Right on, D! Too many women forget this.......... OP--Based on what I've witnessed IRL, and from what I've learned from reading this board for a few years now---until the ink on the divorce papers is bone dry--- don't go there. It's a recipe for heartache. Sorry for the pain you're in.
Author Irishlove Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Right on, D! Too many women forget this.......... OP--Based on what I've witnessed IRL, and from what I've learned from reading this board for a few years now---until the ink on the divorce papers is bone dry--- don't go there. It's a recipe for heartache. Sorry for the pain you're in. I took for granted his situation was like mine. Stuck in the marriage because he didn't have money for the divorce. It's four hundred dollars. Tons of flags I suppose. Each day that goes by only confirms how huge of a liar he is. The I could never live without you......cracks me up each hour that goes by. Seems he is just fine.
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