plfnyc Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Hi everyone. I'm going through a bit of a predicament. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We've been living together for 3. He is almost 20 years older than me. He is the bestest friend I could ever ask for and I could never imagine leaving him but lately I've been thinking about leaving him. He has absolutely no friends in the city. Once very popular in his hometown the only other people he sees other than me are his mom and coworkers. This is frustrating because I feel guilty going out with my friends and doing things with my friends without him. We have sex like once a month. This is the most annoying and difficult issue to talk with him. I've hinted, commented and said things over the past couple of years but nothing has changed. I'm in my 20's...I need to get laid more than once a month. Sometimes he says very insulting things to me. He always apologizes but I can't wrap my head around the fact that the man I'm in love with can say such condescending and ugly things. My friends feel uncomfortable around him but this might just be because of his age. I can't talk to them about any of these issues because I don't want to be judged. I dont know what to do. I don't know how to lay out any of these issues before him because my heart breaks at the thought of leaving him. I've never been so in love and at the same time I'm totally frustrated with my relationship at this point. Any comments/thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Does he routinely look at pornography to your awareness. BTW there is never a reason for him to emotionally abuse you.
jenko Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I once too dated a Guy 15 years older then Me when I was 18. Im really glad I got out of it and dated guys my age. I know its going to be really hard for you but have you ever thought about the future? What If you want kids one day. What are you guys going to do, I'm sure he knows at one point he knows he can't provide for you the thing you want And need. I find it selfish for older men as well because they hold young women back. Plus, judgements will b everywhere.
JasonRules Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 This is a tricky one. My ex and I had 12 years difference (39/27) and age was never an issue as I look like I'm in my early 30s and am very active. In Europe this kind of age difference is seen as normal, but here in North America I have noticed that women prefer men no older than 4 years than themselves in general. As for your specific case, I think almost 20 years difference is definitely pushing the limit in terms of your life experiences, goals etc etc. You also have to think about the future. Does he want to have children? Do you? Does he want to get married? As for your sex life, his age is of no relevance. I know couples that are in their 30s and almost the same age and have issues in the bedroom. You need to have a one on one with him about this. As for your friends, I don't think you should put much weight on their opinion. Ultimately, its your life (never forget that). If this man makes you happy don't worry about your friends think. Your friends are today, but tomorrow might not be. Your family's opinion is actually more important. In any case, talk to him about these issues; don't just drop the bomb on him and tell him you want to solve these problems. If in 6 months things don't improve then you can go ahead and break up with him. At least you'll look back and say that you tried to work things out.
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