joeuk Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Basically my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago. But the way she did it was devastating. We've been NC for 8 days and I'm starting to wonder what shes up to, and why hasn't she called me. Please read my story below, and I'd love it if you could reply with your thoughts. Over the past 2.5 years we've had our ups and downs like any relationship, I always tried to be the best boyfriend I could to her but obviously I've failed. We'd argue about the stupidest things, and I'd lose my temper which would make her cry and be afraid... I never wanted to scare her I'm not a bad person, I just have a bad temper when someone deliberately pisses me off. We hardly ever had bad times and never really fell out. Pretty much 85% of the time we were happy together. We've broke up 4 or 5 times for short periods - a week or so but always got back together and came back stronger! Anyway, 2 weeks ago we were on holiday together, things were great, we were so happy. We got back on the 22nd March. She went back to uni for the week then came to stay at mine on saturday 27th. All that night we were happy together, we got a take away and stayed in watching movies all night cuddled up together on the sofa. But on Sunday 28th... about an hour before she was about to leave to go home I decided to look at her phone, turns out a guy had txt her saying miss you etc and she had replied back with miss you, love you bla bla bla. Now at the time my heart dropped I didn't know what to do I felt like crying but instead I blew up. I said to her, who's this? She replied with "Its danny" - I was like who the f***s danny? she said "friend from college". I then rang the guy and told her to stay away.... he then retaliated and insulted me but he sounded REALLY gay, so I asked him, are you that gay Danny? And he was like yeah thats me so what? Then he put the phone down. It was around 2:30 in the afternoon when this happened. After this my girlfriend got up and left but as she walked out my door I asked for a hug, she said no I don't want to hug you... I felt devastated.. This was the last I saw and heared from her, which was on the 28th, 8 days ago. After she left my place, I didn't hear anything from her at all. She'd normally call me within 4-5 hours or so to let me know shes OK. But she didn't, no txt no call no nothing... I was scared I thought she'd been kidnapped. At around midnight I decided I needed to phone the police and make sure she's safe back at uni. I was terrified that something had happened to her because this was not normal. So I phoned the police and explained my situation but then they told me I had to phone her local area police and tell them about it. So I phoned that police station and explained the situation but then I got a knock at the door. I opened the door and a policeman was there, he said "who you on the phone too?" I said c***** police. He told me to put the phone down so I did. He then walked me into my living room and I took a seat on the sofa. I thought to myself * * * * whats happened? He then started reading this piece of paper to me. "Your girlfriend of 2 1/2 years has contacted us and told us to tell you to never contact her again, if you do you will be arrested" I then broke down into tears, I couldn't believe the girl I love with all my heart after 2 1/2 years of being SUPER happy with has just done this to me, ended our relationship in this way... I then had to sign this stupid thing, it was like signing my soul away to the devil (right now I wish I could do that).... After signing it he said AGAIN "dont ever contact her again or we'll have to come and lock you up". I told him why the * * * * do police need to get involved, its got nothing to do with you. He then left me there in distraught. I screamed in pain and went into rage mode - I punched 7 holes in my walls before I gave up because my hands hurt too much I cried for 3 hours before I sent her a really long txt. I then cried myself to sleep. In the morning I checked my phone but no reply. I was confused and devastated. I began crying and crying... I cried all day till I couldn't any more ... I needed to know why she broke up with me this way, why has she had to do it like this? So I called her. But guess what? She'd changed her number!!!!!!! I screamed in pain and fell to my knees ... my whole world had gone... But I needed to know why this had happened so at around 4pm I called her mums phone... but her mum didnt pick up, MY EX DID... I went silent and then said I'm sorry..please... and she just hung up on me, just like that... without even saying sorry back.... I screamed my heart out AGAIN I thought what the heck is going on??? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US?????? Later on that evening I called her mums phone again but this time her mum picked up, I said to her I'm really confused and dont know whats going on, please help me. She then said "Joe, you can't contact us anymore, please put the phone down" - but then she hung up on me. I was even more confused now, nobody was giving me an answer or closure But then at around 11pm - about 3 hours after I called her mum... I recieved a msg on facebook. It was my ex, she sent me a long and harsh msg... basically saying don't ever contact me again or any of my friends if you do I'll have to tell the police. Then she deletes me off facebook... I mean WHAT THE F***???? How can she just do this to me and act as if our relationship meant NOTHING to her... For the first 4 days I was in serious pain... suicidal ... But I remembered her email and decided to check it to see what shes up to. I got in, and found a couple of emails to her uni teachers saying that shes been to the doctors and they've diagnosed her with depression. She also explains that shes having sleepless nights and loss of apetite. Oh and before she deleted me as a friend she put as her facebook status "distraught and really upset but I will come back 10x stronger and 10x wiser" I was her first love and she lost her virginity to me! Surely I have to mean something?? Why has she done it to me like this???? I just want her back, I would give my life to be with her again... I'm having suicidal thoughts and I'm going insane... absolutely nothing helps... I don't have friends that I can go and do things with, I do everything on my own. I run a successful online business all by myself... Nothing seems to occupy my mind, all I can think about is HER and everywhere I go its just the memories of me and her happy, together... laughing about everything.... I want her back so bad she means the world to me... It's been 8 days and all I can think about is HER... shes in my head 24/7 ... in my dreams in my nightmares I want her so bad I don't want to move on, I only want HER... I won't give up hope not yet... I'm going to write her a letter and send her some flowers... Guys.... I just want her back, why is this so hard???? What should I do??? She hasn't blocked me on facebook ... only deleted me as a friend I don't think she wants to move on, but if shes depressed and distraught then why doesn't she contact me?? I'm getting impatient and really want to know what shes up too... its killing me not being with her!!!! Does she not miss me? I hate this.. :( :( :( Thanks for reading, and I really appreciate the help and support.
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 First, do not contact her at all!!!!! No, flowers, letters, phone calls, gifts....nothing!!! I know you're hurting, God knows most of us here can relate to the pain you're in. This only happened a week ago, so everything is still fresh. You're going to go through a roller coaster of emotions. Right now, you're in a huge amount of pain. I can say that probably after awhile, you'll start to experience anger and resentment towards her. This is normal. If you contact her, the ONLY thing you'll achieve is to tick her off even further and risk going to jail. And if she's gonna behave this way, then she's not worth your time. But, if she was able to get a restraining order on you that quickly, then it leaves me to believe that you get scary angry that has been witnessed by others. And if you've ever hit her (and I apologize if I'm wrong)...then I applaud her on her actions. With that said, you need to go to anger management. Make steps to improve yourself, you very well have lost this girl, but correct the things you did wrong and focus them on a new relationship down the road.
TryTryAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Man, that does sound especially brutal. Please calm down. We all know the feelings of hopelessness here at LS. She handled this whole thing in an especially cruel way (i.e. restraining order), unless you tried to physically harm her or made her feel physically threatened when you blew up about the text from her friend at school. Now that the law is involved, you have absolutely no choice but to go 100% no contact with her. Both her and her mother have not given you an explanation you are satisfied with, so no amount of pushing them is going to convince them to offer up any additional information. Rather, they'll call the police to prove to you that they're serious.
NXS Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You need professional help, seriously pick up the phone or go to your doctor and get some help. This girl is gone, you blew it with your call to her friend. There's no point in regretting it though as something like this was bound to happen sooner or later because of how you deal with these situations by going into a rage. This is going to continue affecting your relationships until you start getting some help.
Mcnulty Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 We're here to listen and support each other and that we will. Please don't do anything to yourself, no one person is worth that believe me! Use this site to vent and gain advice and help. I'm afraid it's because you checked her phone and then phoned this guy...you did not have a right to do that, you know that don't you? It displays a lack of trust...did she deserve to be mistrusted? It'll feel like a betrayal to her and it doesn't seem like she was hiding anything. I don't now if you have anger management issues. Did you scare her at times? is that why she has put the injunction order on you? I'm truly sorry for your situation, but please stay strong and acknowledge what has happened...try not to beat yourself up over it, you're human and fallible, as we all are.
hoping2heal Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Basically my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago. But the way she did it was devastating. We've been NC for 8 days and I'm starting to wonder what shes up to, and why hasn't she called me. Please read my story below, and I'd love it if you could reply with your thoughts. Over the past 2.5 years we've had our ups and downs like any relationship, I always tried to be the best boyfriend I could to her but obviously I've failed. We'd argue about the stupidest things, and I'd lose my temper which would make her cry and be afraid... I never wanted to scare her I'm not a bad person, I just have a bad temper when someone deliberately pisses me off. We hardly ever had bad times and never really fell out. Pretty much 85% of the time we were happy together. We've broke up 4 or 5 times for short periods - a week or so but always got back together and came back stronger! Anyway, 2 weeks ago we were on holiday together, things were great, we were so happy. We got back on the 22nd March. She went back to uni for the week then came to stay at mine on saturday 27th. All that night we were happy together, we got a take away and stayed in watching movies all night cuddled up together on the sofa. But on Sunday 28th... about an hour before she was about to leave to go home I decided to look at her phone, turns out a guy had txt her saying miss you etc and she had replied back with miss you, love you bla bla bla. Now at the time my heart dropped I didn't know what to do I felt like crying but instead I blew up. I said to her, who's this? She replied with "Its danny" - I was like who the f***s danny? she said "friend from college". I then rang the guy and told her to stay away.... he then retaliated and insulted me but he sounded REALLY gay, so I asked him, are you that gay Danny? And he was like yeah thats me so what? Then he put the phone down. It was around 2:30 in the afternoon when this happened. After this my girlfriend got up and left but as she walked out my door I asked for a hug, she said no I don't want to hug you... I felt devastated.. This was the last I saw and heared from her, which was on the 28th, 8 days ago. After she left my place, I didn't hear anything from her at all. She'd normally call me within 4-5 hours or so to let me know shes OK. But she didn't, no txt no call no nothing... I was scared I thought she'd been kidnapped. At around midnight I decided I needed to phone the police and make sure she's safe back at uni. I was terrified that something had happened to her because this was not normal. So I phoned the police and explained my situation but then they told me I had to phone her local area police and tell them about it. So I phoned that police station and explained the situation but then I got a knock at the door. I opened the door and a policeman was there, he said "who you on the phone too?" I said c***** police. He told me to put the phone down so I did. He then walked me into my living room and I took a seat on the sofa. I thought to myself * * * * whats happened? He then started reading this piece of paper to me. "Your girlfriend of 2 1/2 years has contacted us and told us to tell you to never contact her again, if you do you will be arrested" I then broke down into tears, I couldn't believe the girl I love with all my heart after 2 1/2 years of being SUPER happy with has just done this to me, ended our relationship in this way... I then had to sign this stupid thing, it was like signing my soul away to the devil (right now I wish I could do that).... After signing it he said AGAIN "dont ever contact her again or we'll have to come and lock you up". I told him why the * * * * do police need to get involved, its got nothing to do with you. He then left me there in distraught. I screamed in pain and went into rage mode - I punched 7 holes in my walls before I gave up because my hands hurt too much I cried for 3 hours before I sent her a really long txt. I then cried myself to sleep. In the morning I checked my phone but no reply. I was confused and devastated. I began crying and crying... I cried all day till I couldn't any more ... I needed to know why she broke up with me this way, why has she had to do it like this? So I called her. But guess what? She'd changed her number!!!!!!! I screamed in pain and fell to my knees ... my whole world had gone... But I needed to know why this had happened so at around 4pm I called her mums phone... but her mum didnt pick up, MY EX DID... I went silent and then said I'm sorry..please... and she just hung up on me, just like that... without even saying sorry back.... I screamed my heart out AGAIN I thought what the heck is going on??? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US?????? Later on that evening I called her mums phone again but this time her mum picked up, I said to her I'm really confused and dont know whats going on, please help me. She then said "Joe, you can't contact us anymore, please put the phone down" - but then she hung up on me. I was even more confused now, nobody was giving me an answer or closure But then at around 11pm - about 3 hours after I called her mum... I recieved a msg on facebook. It was my ex, she sent me a long and harsh msg... basically saying don't ever contact me again or any of my friends if you do I'll have to tell the police. Then she deletes me off facebook... I mean WHAT THE F***???? How can she just do this to me and act as if our relationship meant NOTHING to her... For the first 4 days I was in serious pain... suicidal ... But I remembered her email and decided to check it to see what shes up to. I got in, and found a couple of emails to her uni teachers saying that shes been to the doctors and they've diagnosed her with depression. She also explains that shes having sleepless nights and loss of apetite. Oh and before she deleted me as a friend she put as her facebook status "distraught and really upset but I will come back 10x stronger and 10x wiser" I was her first love and she lost her virginity to me! Surely I have to mean something?? Why has she done it to me like this???? I just want her back, I would give my life to be with her again... I'm having suicidal thoughts and I'm going insane... absolutely nothing helps... I don't have friends that I can go and do things with, I do everything on my own. I run a successful online business all by myself... Nothing seems to occupy my mind, all I can think about is HER and everywhere I go its just the memories of me and her happy, together... laughing about everything.... I want her back so bad she means the world to me... It's been 8 days and all I can think about is HER... shes in my head 24/7 ... in my dreams in my nightmares I want her so bad I don't want to move on, I only want HER... I won't give up hope not yet... I'm going to write her a letter and send her some flowers... Guys.... I just want her back, why is this so hard???? What should I do??? She hasn't blocked me on facebook ... only deleted me as a friend I don't think she wants to move on, but if shes depressed and distraught then why doesn't she contact me?? I'm getting impatient and really want to know what shes up too... its killing me not being with her!!!! Does she not miss me? I hate this.. :( :( :( Thanks for reading, and I really appreciate the help and support. It is pretty extreme to get the police involved, so I am just going to guess that we don't know the whole story or extent of your temper. Maybe she is just a drama queen, yes that is possible too. However, whichever it is she seems to feel she needs police protection from you and you can suffice that to say she is not interested in a reconcile, and the more you pursue her (if you did, not saying you are) the more you will taint any memory of yourself she has of you. This is over now, and I know that is painful. I think it would be a good time to reflect on certain things like your temper, so that when you heal this does not become a breaking point for future relationships.
geegirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I don't know why she had to go to the police but it does seem that she may have felt threatened. By the sound of your reactions I do wonder if you have anger issues and issues with controlling your temper. Please don't send her anything. It's pretty clear that she does not want to have any contact from you and she's done the ultimate by getting the police involved. Only thing you can do is accept that she has ended it, for reasons only known to her and that you have to go through this pain. There is no other way around this.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Please get a grip on yourself. Why are you even doing this to yourself? She chose to this break up path, you can choose to move on and be happy. What past is past, you have to accept the present situation and look ahead and not backwards. I was my ex-bf's first gf as well for near 3 years and ended up he broke up with me before our engagement this end of year. We bought our engagement rings as well. However, I've learnt that this is what he chose, let him be, I can choose to move on and be happy without being depressed over by his decision. Please start NC right this moment, NC is mainly and solely for yourself to move on. Unless you want to remain depressed throughout your life, you can continue doing what you are doing now. "You want to be actively chosen and not settled for." Edited April 5, 2011 by Fufu
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