tincanman99 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I have a very good woman friend that has repeatedly told me that since we are very good friends that I can open up to her, tell her what I am feeling and generally share with her. How I should be open to her. When she brings it up, I generally laugh it off and never do it. I keep it light and friendly but thats it. I have never had any inkling that she wants more (ie. sex or a relationship). But she does seem to want to be in my head. Also realize that she has a boyfriend with whom I am friends with. I mentioned it to him and he said just ignore her, she does it to him too. Is this women's way of bonding with each other or male friends?
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 She wants an intellectual whore. She wants someone to fulfill certain psychological forms of intimacy she doesn't get from her boyfriend and she likes the attention. I would cut ties with her as much as possible. She just wants to exploit you for things she should be seeking from her SO without reciprocating with the kinds of intimacy men desire which are mostly physical.
NXS Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I agree with BeginAgain, don't waste your time on her when you could be looking around for another woman.
threebyfate Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 This is how many women bond with their friends. We share confidences. Many men don't share confidences, preferring to keep everything to themselves. If she's eroding on your boundaries, then next time instead of laughing it off, just tell her that you prefer to maintain privacy. She should be able to respect this and if she can't, then stop talking to her.
fishtaco Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I don't think it's that... villainous. She's just looking for stuff to gossip to her friends about.
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) There are real gender differences, of course, in terms of averages. Men don't generally talk about their feelings as much as women do with each other. Some men will talk about their feelings with close female friends; some only with family and partners; some see that as only within the confines of romance. . . it seems to depend, really. I suppose some women keep to themselves as well, though most women I know have friends they share emotions with. However, I would say it's more of a blurry line than all that. For me, whether I'll confess emotions to a person depends on how well I know them and their relationship to me, not their gender or relationship status. To me, it's not a romantic thing to share confidences, feelings, etc, BUT I am also a very private person and rarely share confidences or feelings with someone who I don't consider a close friend or better (family member or partner being higher ranked in terms of closeness). But other people are more effusive than that, and others are still more closed. Everyone has their own boundaries, and relationships should work with both people's boundaries and comfort levels. On a chemical level, women are more likely to require such things (emotional intimacy, feelings talk, someone to share confidences with, etc) because we need to maintain higher oxytocin levels to fend off depression than men do (Men rely more on testosterone levels for that and require other things women do not, chemically, such as achievements and challenges and "battles" of sorts). I think it's rather healthy to not rely SOLELY on a partner to maintain high oxytocin levels; a single relationship is rarely sustenance enough for that, especially since male partners require such a lower amount of emotional intimacy to hit their appropriate oxytocin levels. In fact, a lot of depression in women today would probably be solved if women could find appropraite emotional support systems because it helps brain chemistry immensely. Men need this as well, of course (I don't mean to make it sound like men have no feelings); just in much smaller doses. Edited April 5, 2011 by zengirl
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