Dims85 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I know everyone is gonna say told you so... it did hurt but I was able to get a few things out there and so was she that we left unanswered during the break and break-up. I basically called to let her know that I understand we had our issues and have come to terms with what I did to help with the break up and as well as stuff that could have been done. I also called to say that right now I just could not be friends as it is too soon and too much hurt for me.She said she respects that and hopes that we can be friends sometime again. I know she loves me and I know I added pressure to her by resenting her time with friends since it took away from our time and it was me being childish. We talked about the goods and bads and that maybe we can work it out if its meant to be, but right now is just not the time since the desire has to be on both sides not only on mine. I told her that I would be there for her to help her during these tough times but not as just a friend but as her significant other and she only wants our friendship right now. So I pretty much just called her to tell her I'm sorry it didn't work out and even though it hurts I have to come to terms with letting her go since she does not want to be in a relationship with me and that I love her and good luck with everything. I felt like I had to let her know that I don't hate her for what she did, it hurts but maybe its for the best only time will tell. The ball is in her court now as I let her know how I felt and want to work it out with her, but she needs to make the effort. She said she will text me to meet up to get her stuff and give me my keys which will be the last contact I told her I am going to have with her until I can get over the hurt and possibly become friends. Maybe she will see the error of her leaving or maybe not either way she knows I'm moving on with my life and accepting what has happened
geegirl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You did what you needed to do. It's always easier for us on the outside to tell you what's the best way but ultimately it all depends on what is right for you. If reaching out to her helped you get the closure you needed to move on, then it's a step in the right direction. I know it is painful. I'm sorry.
superb Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Everyone needs some sense of closure. You gotta do whatever makes you feel better.
Author Dims85 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 she is just so confused....she called my mom today and during the convo asked about me and my mom said she just seemed depressed and really lost. She kept talking about how she missed my family and things (my mom was like a mom to her) and that her and my mom should meet up and talk. I don't know what is going on in her head it just makes it so much harder to cope with whats going on with us. It sucks knowing she is hurting but it also feels kind of good knowing its hard on her and she is obviously thinking of her decision. Man, If only life were easier
IM5150 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Good luck Dims, I was following your previous post because we were both in the same situation. I couldn't handle NC right now so I'm back to communicated and hanging out with my X. I know it's back to normal when my phone rings 5 times a day and it's her. I guess I feel a temporary feeling of relief from the constant pain of NC. I'm sure it will only be time before I go through it all over again. It's a vicious cycle. I'm not sure what your X is going through right now. She should respect your wish to go NC with her and allow you healing time. This should also include your family members. I'd say give it a few days and see what happens next. Maybe she'll stop calling. If she continues then you should probably reminder her again that her actions are not helping you move forward and see what she says. Hang in there dude!
Author Dims85 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I want to continue the contact from her so bad. But if she won't Say right now she will fix things or wants to be in the relationship I feel like NC would be best cause I can't be just a friend. Even though I want her back I know I need to not be focusing on that if I ever want to be able to recover and enjoy my life with or without her.
D-Lish Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 she is just so confused....she called my mom today and during the convo asked about me and my mom said she just seemed depressed and really lost. She kept talking about how she missed my family and things (my mom was like a mom to her) and that her and my mom should meet up and talk. I don't know what is going on in her head it just makes it so much harder to cope with whats going on with us. It sucks knowing she is hurting but it also feels kind of good knowing its hard on her and she is obviously thinking of her decision. Man, If only life were easier Sounds like this break up entails a whole lot of closure- not just between the two of you, but breaking up with your family as well. You did what you needed to do, got a little closure, so what you did wasn't a bad thing. Some people never get any closure at all- so I'm glad she was receptive to hearing from you.
0hpenelope Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I know everyone is gonna say told you so... What? No way, dude! You broke NC and seriously, being piled on by all of the "You go NC for your own healing" blah blah doesn't help all. They serve as important reminders, but seriously I do believe that most people have to break NC again and again in order for the purpose of NC to stick. There's nothing groundbreaking about pain being an effective impetus to initiate NC, with pain coming from another rejection via phone call or whatever, a text message being ignored, a Facebook status update setting back healing, etc. I share D-Lish's sentiment towards you. It's great that she welcomed hearing from you.
Layzie89 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I agree with penelope. One cannot simply go NC until they've exhausted every possible way to try and get their ex back. By trying everything and not getting anything in return it allows you to go NC and stick with it knowing you've done all you can do. Dont beat yourself up, just take this as your closure and begin your path of healing. Hang in there bud, things can only get better from now on.
Author Dims85 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I agree with penelope. One cannot simply go NC until they've exhausted every possible way to try and get their ex back. By trying everything and not getting anything in return it allows you to go NC and stick with it knowing you've done all you can do. Dont beat yourself up, just take this as your closure and begin your path of healing. Hang in there bud, things can only get better from now on. I know I have not gone the route of sending flowers cards and those types of things or necessarily exhausted all options. But I do know I have told her many times during our one month break and even now after our eventual break-up that i know we had problems and I know i wasn't perfect and I'm willing to work on things work with her and be with her no matter what. She has not expressed the same feelings to fix things only states what went wrong and how its just not the right time. She knows I am here for her and want to be with her and will do anything for her, but I feel at this point my begging and pleading are falling on deaf ears and maybe she will realize what she did wrong by not trying to work things by me dissappearing. I know she will be reaching out to me soon or at least she said she will to meet for her things and if at that point she still has no desire to reconcile or work things out the NC will resume. If she never reaches out like she said than sunday will be last convo we had and me expressing my feelings to her was in vain. I know its unhealthy to still have the thoughts of getting back together but it is still so fresh as its only been a little over a week. Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement LS has really helped me alot during these stressful and hurtful times.
Author Dims85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 She wants to meet tonight after she gets out of class... I Don't want to do it on her time late at night. What do I do?? How should I handle it?
Trevster Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Man to be honest my girl broke up with me after 3 years it has been rough for us and really i know in my heart we are meant to be together i could easily find another women but something about her is just so powerful and passionate in my heart man, i have broke NC like 3 times and now i realize i need to stick with it because i have told her over and over about my feelings and that things will really work out she wont listen to me she even deleted me as a friend on FB and all our pictures but something deep down tells me not to give up. Your girl finally wants to meet up, the best thing is to meet up with her but act normal man. Dont talk about the break up unless she brings it up and if she talks about it dont let it affect you. Dont show a bunch of emotion and keep it short you dont want to show her that your weak right now and looking pathetic act casual. Dont try to act like if yall were together or getting back together keep everything short and simple man. If all that goes through well then sooner or later she will want to meet again but like i said keep it all short, if she were to text you later on dont text back immedietly keep it short and simple man, because sooner or later it will bring back those feelings and she will realize what she is missing when your not telling her everything like she is use to when yall were together!
Author Dims85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 She didn't say why she wanted to meet, I told her I have work Early tomorrow. I assume it's to give me my stuff but I dunno. I dont want to be available whenever she wants, she has not said she wants to talk or fix things. I will wait and see what she says
geegirl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I would just meet her and get it over and done with. If she said she was coming over at 2AM and wanted to mend things, I bet waking up early to go to work the next morning wouldn't be an issue. Is it because you are anxious about her reason for meeting/you know it is maybe to just get her things and nothing more is why you are procrastinating?
Author Dims85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Thanks guys, I know it's because I dont want to give up hope on the relationship. I am scared that she only wants to give me my stuff and she's done then. I decided I do need to face it no matter what so I text her asking what time she gets out and if she responds I will meet her tonight and just get it over with. We will see how it all turns out
D-Lish Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 She wants to meet tonight after she gets out of class... I Don't want to do it on her time late at night. What do I do?? How should I handle it? If you don't want to meet tonight, don't do it. One thing you can control at this point in time are the little things like this. If another night is better, do it on your terms instead of hers.
geegirl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry Dim. I know it is hard. You just want to scream "say it isn't so" and make everything go back to what it was. But the longer you drag this, the longer you keep yourself stuck. I don't know what the outcome of your meeting is going to be tonight. I hope, for your sake she has something to say other than getting her things. Whatever it is and the sooner you deal with this, the sooner you will be able to decide your next steps and get on with your life. Edited April 6, 2011 by geegirl
Author Dims85 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Thanks I am just waiting for her to text me back Where and when she wants to meet after she gets out of class at 8:50. I'm gonna make sure I keep my emotions inside when I see her tonight and only talk about us if she initiates it. We will see how it goes, keep u posted
Trevster Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Bro I'm in the same boat if you truly and honestly care about someone sp greatly you never give up because that's the lowest you can possibly get man! My girl deleted all our pictures and me off her facebook but something is telling me not to give up never give up! But keep cool try not to show emotion because she has put you through this pain so you want her to wait now that's understandable man but meet and be cool about things don't let emotions take over and I can't express enough don't give up!!!
Author Dims85 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 So she text me a little over 3 hours ago asking if I wanted to meet at my house or somewhere else and I said she could come to my house if she wants... No response from her at all yet. I know she is in class til 8:50 but she got off work a couple hours ago and I just feel like she is playing this game with me... Just another waiting game
Author Dims85 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 So she just left.... The comvo went good, i didnt get emotional other than a tear in the eye. We laughed Over some inside jokes and talked for about an hour. But It's over I need to move on now. We talked about us and how she needs time to focus on herself and if it was meant to be it will happen.she is basically throwing the cards into the wind to see if we fall back together again, which I told her and she didn't disagree. I guess it's her way of seeing if we were meant to be. She still loves me and cares for me but she has told herself so many times she has no time she honestly believes it.I Told her there are so many ways to Fix us and her stress it only takes some effort which I'm more than willing to provide as long as it's reciprocated. I told her I only want the best for her and want her to be happy, and if it takes me having to let her go that's what I have to do. I told her she is my rock and she said im hers, to which i responded " then why are u jumping off into the ocean" She says this will make us stronger which makes me think in the back of my head she wants to fix us she just isn't ready. I know that thought is unhealthy though so I'm trying to push it away. I am not going to continue trying to talk to her though as I have told her I'm here for her of she wants to fix us. I poured my heart and soul out and she knows what she needs to do....time for NC and the hardest time of my life to be faced alone.
Author Dims85 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Today is a tough day so far.... Its sunk in this morning that lastnight was the last time we will be speaking after 6 1/2 great years together. She has her stuff and I have mine. Even though our talk lastnight was a good one with laughter and smiles and well wishes the finality of it is definitely sinking in. She just isn't ready and I can't change it. Trying to begin NC to heal and it feels harder than ever now....
geegirl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I'm with you Dim. NC is no walk in the park. I remember my first week. Sometimes I wanted to throw up. Sometimes I wanted to hide under the covers and never come out. Sometimes I could muster a tune. Sometimes I cried till my eyes were swollen shut. Sometimes I never wanted to see the light of day. You will get through. It's painful. The finality of it all is a heavy burden to bear. But one minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You'll slowly get there. There was a post from JasonRules about 1 month NC. It rings true for everyone having to go through this journey. You will get there too. It's hard but you will. Post here when you need support and I am sure many posters here will help lighten your load.
Recommended Posts