Ex finally contacted me after 9 weeks NC, what's the point?

[chelle21689]

I went out with my ex for 5 1/2 years and we broke up 10 weeks ago. I immediately went NC and explained I needed space until I felt ready to talk to him. I unfriended him from Facebook and everyone that associated with him.

 

It was hard but I surprisingly healed rapidly. I am seeing someone new that is wonderful, I am doing brand new things in life like sky diving and snowboarding, I'm traveling, I look better, etc.

 

Funny, I thought about contacting my ex yesterday but wasn't sure. I didn't want to ruin what I had with the current guy. Then my ex texted about wanting to talk outta no where. We caught up with each other making small talk but I could tell he was holding back his feelings. He told me he didn't want to break up with me and that he did that because he felt like he was doing me wrong by having me stay with him when he couldn't give me the relationship I wanted while he was being stressed out in the Army and didn't know how to deal.

 

Since the break up, his life seemed to have gotten even more hectic and I feel really bad. I thought he was doing great. Anyways, he said he didn't know if he made the right decision to break up with me because I was the only steady thing in his life. He didn't want to admit missing me until now and he feels embarrassed and selfish for contacting me when I seem to be very happy with my own life. He started to cry and told me how much it hurt seeing me with someone else and it hurt worse than he thought. Some how he got around to be able to look at my pictures. Also he told me all the girls he talked to he felt like they were stupid. Don't know why he told me that.

 

What do you think he was feeling? I feel like he regrets it and wants me back but knows he can't because his life is stressful and I'm a lot happier. Honestly I'm kinda glad that his problems aren't mine anymore. I love my ex, I care a lot about him, but I feel like even if he did ask me back I DON'T WANT TO be with him because his life is messy and I'm so much happier. Who knows what the future holds though...

 

I seriously thought he would have moved on a lot faster than I did. I'm going to keep communication open (LOW CONTACT) but if it seems to set me back then I'm going NC again.

 

 

Everyone is right...a lot of times when you move on and seem happy with life they come back into it some how. He asked me when I was going to be in California (where he lives) and I said I canceled the tickets. I was like "Are you serious? Why would I go back there?" he said "I don't know...it's a really nice place here."

[Fufu]

It no longer matters what he's thinking or feeling anymore.

 

You are currently attached, so just stay NC.

[JasonRules]

They always come back at one point or another...

[chelle21689]

You really think he is wanting me back or having regrets?

[JasonRules]

You really think he is wanting me back or having regrets?

 

Of course he does, why else would he contact you? To ask you about the weather?

[chelle21689]

Haha rude! I'm going to let it slide though lol. I was just told by many that if they really wanted to reconcile they would ask and nothing would stop them if they wanted you that badly.

[JasonRules]

Haha rude! I'm going to let it slide though lol. I was just told by many that if they really wanted to reconcile they would ask and nothing would stop them if they wanted you that badly.

 

In an ideal world or maybe a movie yes, but in real life ones pride prevents them from going all out and appearing desperate. He's just testing the waters to see if you're receptive.

[timchambo]

Just started to notice a trend. When a guy leaves a girl and starts contacting again the advice generally seems to be that they want back. When it's the reverse it seems people suggest she is relieving her guilt. In general I think it's dangerous to assume anything. But I would agree that he's trying to feel u out for reconciliation.

[0hpenelope]

Thanks for sharing an update w/ us, 'chelle! Keep on moving on.

[Fufu]

Really, why would you even think if he has regretted or coming back?

 

He chose the path to break up with you, and right now you are seeing someone new.

 

What's past is past, whether he's regretting or not, it's his own business already.

 

Move on and be happy

[betterdeal]

What do you think he was feeling?

 

He feels like he's a frog and if only a princess would come along and kiss him he'll magically turn into a prince. Except that only works in fairy tales. Don't let his problems affect your current relationship.

[chelle21689]

My ex texted me again tonight and we skyped. I could tell right away he wasn't over me when he noticed all the little changes about me and couldn't help but compliment me. The way he looked and talked to me said it all. He was kinda upset because I looked different and I changed...he wondered why I was doing all these new exciting things and looked different after we broke up.

 

Anyways, he was telling me how there was nothing wrong with us to break up. He admitted that he did want me back and that he made a mistake but he didn't want to get back together to break up with me AGAIN when the problem wasn't fixed. He broke up with me because he felt the stress of the Army...he's still in the Army and stressed out even without me...but he wants me. He said he's GOING to find out. Then he went on about how I'm the only person that knows everything about him, his old life and new, we grew up together, and all that stuff. Being with other girls ...he felt like he was cheating on me and that they weren't good enough and stupid.

 

I told him that he may be too late...and he started to "joke" and insult the new guy I was seeing. I asked him "Are you sure you're not wanting me back because I'm seeing someone?" He then said that he felt like he always wanted me back a month ago but wasn't sure to contact me because I told him not to. He JUST found out about the guy.

 

Life is so funny. I think I might tell him to stop contacting me or at least give a boundary because it's already affecting my thinking for this new guy when I thought I was falling for someone.

[Fufu]

You don't tell him to stop contacting you, you make the initiation yourself to stop contacting with him.

 

And it feels to me that your ex bf is still indecisive of what he wants. I wouldn't stick around and wait for him to come to a decision.

 

Which is why maintaining NC is so important because a little contact may make you feel confused and question yourself all over again.

 

I hope you make the decision which you can be happy

[chelle21689]

=\ it would have been much easier if he were over me and moved on completely.

[betterdeal]

Sure, but he's not, apparently, and isn't changing, so it's over to you to do the grown up work of making the break a clean one. No more contact.

[nana841121]

"In an ideal world or maybe a movie yes, but in real life ones pride prevents them from going all out and appearing desperate. He's just testing the waters to see if you're receptive."

 

Yes, couldn't agree with you more. always testing , recoiling , delusion, testing again, desperate