catherine123 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for nearly three months, we are both in our 40's yet I still need someone to look in from the outside and pass their opinion for me ! He lives about 40 mins drive from me and has only been to my house once when he picked me up for a day out, I feel like he checked out that I was living on my own and then isnt bothered to come and stay over with me. Having said that he runs his own business near his home and is almost always at work ( from 7am and it makes sense for me to stay with him ) I think ! I always leave at this time when he goes to work. We sometimes meet half way between our homes for supper and a film and end up going back to his, never a consideration that he comes to mine in his mind. Neither of us have said the "L" word, I wont in case I scare him off. WHen we are at his he just sits down and watches what he wants on his tv, never once has he asked me what I want to watch....he just puts on things that he has recorded....then often falls asleep and I am there, I feel wasting my time whilst he snores lol The only time he is really affectionate is, yes you guessed it, is when we are under the duvet! He texts me at the end of his working day but often doesnt wait for my reply and only sometimes do I get a whole sting of texts as a conversation He rarely rings me, its all texting when he has the time ( thats how I feel anyway ! ) Sometimes it feels like he is just too busy to have time for me, but it doesnt take a second to send a text to show that you are thinking of someone does it. I hadnt seen him for a week and text him that he would have forgottom me by the time we get to meet up, he text that I was unforgettable......I dort of took this as a sign that he was still interested..... Any ideas? As I write this I feel that I already know the answer.....
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Good. Then I don't need to tell you that you're a great FwB, do I....?
Cee Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You've got the answer, I'm sure. This is a relationship of convenience for him. He might like you, but if this is the best he can give, then I suggest you move on.
Author catherine123 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Cee - thats a good way to put it actually "if thats the best that he can give"....sort of sums it up to me ! I have such a busy and extended life that I cant wait around for what seems to be a totally confirmed bachelor ! THis guy just doesnt seem to want to fall in love, or really be in a relationship. Having said that he is going abroad in june and october ( to car races) and talks about me coming with him ( not that I can afford it ! ) I wonder if he takes about the future in that way just to keep me around ? It seems all his other plans about what he is doing to "his" house etc all relate to him....I cant ever see him "sharing" his house ie living with someone.....humm....give it up as a bad job I guess.....and get on with my life
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 If you have to ask this sort of question you already have determined for yourself it is which is further evidenced by a post about pretty much only the negatives of the relationship. Your relationship isn't definitely one way or another. You have to determine it yourself by what you want out of it. You have judged it to be inadequate so by deduction it must be a waste.
SweetDaphne Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Cee - thats a good way to put it actually "if thats the best that he can give"....sort of sums it up to me ! I have such a busy and extended life that I cant wait around for what seems to be a totally confirmed bachelor ! THis guy just doesnt seem to want to fall in love, or really be in a relationship. Having said that he is going abroad in june and october ( to car races) and talks about me coming with him ( not that I can afford it ! ) I wonder if he takes about the future in that way just to keep me around ? It seems all his other plans about what he is doing to "his" house etc all relate to him....I cant ever see him "sharing" his house ie living with someone.....humm....give it up as a bad job I guess.....and get on with my life Yea, Catherine you're just a convenience to him. I'm sorry but if you want a relationship you need to be with someone who talks to you about the future in 'realities' and not in instances where he most likely knows you 'can't afford it.' Your his convenient girlfriend - nothing more.
Author catherine123 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 yet I have just had a text from him asking how my day was......it does seem that he is interested yet I feel he isnt giving me what I need.....the closeness is missing, the having fun together is missing......he doesnt seem to be able to "let go" and have fun, to me that is an important part of a relationship He is off on holiday in june with some male friends as he apparently does every year, when he told me this he said it was all booked before we met ( it seems it was ) I dont have a problem with this but thought it may be an idea time to go away abroad myself at the same time that he is away.....I have friends in Greece ( British and Greek ) that I want to visit and am happy going on my own....when I told him he didnt bat an eye lid....not even a rant about me being safe as a woman on her own abroad....that worried me that he just acepted me going on my own...??
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 He probably could tell you were mentioning it just to get a rise out of him which he didn't respond to and when he didn't you came to us to cry about it. Also many probably don't see Greece as dangerous.
Author catherine123 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I was only trying to give a picture of what's occuring to see if there are signs that he cares about me thats all. It seems there arent many
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Basically you are testing him for a reaction. That might work in your teens but you are middle aged. He could see right through it. It is time to stop playing girly games and put everything out on the table. You only have ~30 more years of life and you still want to play games like you are 13? You have already given up on this guy so I am really saying this for your next relationship. Aren't you tired of the games by now?
GivenUp0083 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 This is easy, he's a single man in his 40's, very independent and hard working, and is a business owner! Business owner: he works around the clock to make sure he grows a successful business. It means the difference between whether he can put food on the table this month or not. He's not just very busy, he's SUPER busy. I'm surprised you even get to see him. Single Man in 40's: Even if he's divorced or never married, he has no interest in getting married or dedicating his life to a woman. If divorced, he's seen first hand what marriage is and to a man it is not a very appealing lifestyle...he probably will never go back. If never married: he's comfortable by now and a confirmed life-long bachelor and there really isn't anything you can do to change that. Women are much more emotionally dependent on a man at your age than a man is dependent on a woman. I'd say there's no way he'll change or ever marry you. He's probably been through this before with other women, and even though he does like you, he won't let it get any further with you. You are a convenience and once you move along he'll find another women to suit his needs for the time being until he eventually has to replace her as well. Good luck!
Author catherine123 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 This is easy, he's a single man in his 40's, very independent and hard working, and is a business owner! Business owner: he works around the clock to make sure he grows a successful business. It means the difference between whether he can put food on the table this month or not. He's not just very busy, he's SUPER busy. I'm surprised you even get to see him. Single Man in 40's: Even if he's divorced or never married, he has no interest in getting married or dedicating his life to a woman. If divorced, he's seen first hand what marriage is and to a man it is not a very appealing lifestyle...he probably will never go back. If never married: he's comfortable by now and a confirmed life-long bachelor and there really isn't anything you can do to change that. Women are much more emotionally dependent on a man at your age than a man is dependent on a woman. I'd say there's no way he'll change or ever marry you. He's probably been through this before with other women, and even though he does like you, he won't let it get any further with you. You are a convenience and once you move along he'll find another women to suit his needs for the time being until he eventually has to replace her as well. Good luck! Thanks for your reply - This is exactly my underlying feeling - which is probably why I have come across so negative about "us" He has never been married and was with someone 8 years. He is "super busy" and is as I see it going to stay single/living on his own, as that is how he is used to his life I do feel like I am convenient - which is why I posted on here in the first place just to confirm my opinion ! Sometimes we just need to vent how we feel and talk to others about it - and this has helped me today. Thanks
valpre Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Single Man in 40's: Even if he's divorced or never married, he has no interest in getting married or dedicating his life to a woman. If divorced, he's seen first hand what marriage is and to a man it is not a very appealing lifestyle...he probably will never go back. If never married: he's comfortable by now and a confirmed life-long bachelor and there really isn't anything you can do to change that. Women are much more emotionally dependent on a man at your age than a man is dependent on a woman. Eeuch - as a 36yr old single female this all sounds rather depressing. Good luck with your decision catherine - if you're not feeling happy with the situation, then yes, better get out now before you start investing more of your emotions on a lost cause.
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