That_girl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I was in a sick relationship for the past little while, with a man I loved. Some of you had read my posts and are probably irritated by my questions. I don't know how I've managed to break up with him....I never thought I had the courage to. He never hit me, but he has cheated on me, and has been extra critical and controlling. I'm not at my best at the moment...first year living away from home...and trying to figure out what to do with my life. Although I loved him, I think part of the reason I kept him around was for the company, or the idea that someone was there for me. I'm really scared. I don't want to get back together with him or anything....but I just feel so alone.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Unfortunately emotional abuse has this really nice way of wearing you down so that when you do finally drop said abuser, you feel like less then what you started with. Literally you have extra emotional weight to deal with until you build your self-esteem back up plus the limbic effects from the breakup plus the fact that you often become socially isolated in an abusive relationship which makes it harder to reconnect with people plus the shame of being a victim of abuse. Crappy. So where now? DO NOT GO BACK. For starters. I know that you are going to feel feelings of wanting to be close with him when your limbic system starts punting you in that direction. Realize that this is a brain function and that you have control over what you do with it. He didn't become kind and trustworthy overnight. He literally messed and will mess with your brain circuitry. He isn't a surgeon, don't let him. Hold your own, start reconnecting with other people, meditate (good for brain healing) and fight the crappy self-talk in your head. If you don't exercise, start. It promotes limbic healing faster. Do not be ashamed if you are not over said guy in the next 6 months, it takes about that long and does not mean you are "weak" "lame" or whatever, it also doesn't mean that he was really special. It means your limbic system got used to his stupid, abusive ass. Be nice to yourself, you did a brave thing!
superb Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I agree! You are brave...kudos to you. Keep being strong, you'll thank yourself for it later!
butterfly2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Great advice... I too was in an abusive relationship/marriage years ago.. It is so hard to get away. So glad you did. Keep up the great work. Do not isolate yourself. Grieve, cry, scream, whatever, then get up and go. It's hard but if you don't get up and keep going it will make it much more difficult. TRUST ME... I made my own life hell for awhile after the abuser. So proud of you....
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