EllieNoise Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Hey everybody! I'm totally new here, so I apologize if I don't follow the proper thread protocol, if there even is such a thing.. Anyway, I need some insight into what's been going on with my ex. It may be a little long, but please bear with me? My ex and I broke up a little over 3 months ago (his doing) because he says he was tired of the constant fighting and having to drive an hour 4 times a week to come see me. He also HATES my roommates and they HATE him, and he said that he began to dread coming to see me because of them and the arguing between us =( About a month into the breakup, he decided he wanted to come back after he went on a date with someone else and "couldn't stop thinking about how [he] should be with" me and not her. Well, we acted as if we were back together and everything, but he refused to actually put a label on it, until I got upset and told him it was disrespectful to me, and it was confusing me to act as if I had a boyfriend, when I technically didn't. I told him I needed to put a label on it so I could know he wasn't still seeing that girl, and he said he needed time to think if he wanted to commit again. About 24 hours after that, he told me he thought we should just be friends, and after bawling my eyes out and lots of begging for him not to do this, I reluctantly agreed. Come to find out 2 days later that he's still hanging out with this other girl. We never did NC. He calls me almost every night before he goes to bed, sometimes falling asleep on the phone with me, and he calls me almost every morning before he goes into work. The only time he really never calls is when he's out late and doesn't want to wake me up. After some creeping, I found out he's now officially in a relationship with this other girl, but he still calls me, and when I tell him I love him, he always says it back. When I ask if he'll come back, he says he can't say anything because he'd feel guilty saying it behind his girlfriend's back, but getting back together eventually would be amazing. I just don't know what to think. I don't know if I'm hanging on to something that isn't worth holding on to anymore. Every day I hope that he'll come back like he did last time, but he doesn't, and it's devastating.. Do you think he is just keeping me on the back burner in case things don't work out with this girl? I've asked him multiple times if this is the case, and he says its not, but of course that's what he's going to say.. I just don't know what to do anymore? I love him too much to not talk to him. He's my best friend, and I don't want to lose that too. What do you think he's trying to do? Do you think he really will come back? Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated!
lapse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 meh. To me, the important factor in the story is that he is telling you he loves you and in a relationship with someone else. The fact that he is in a relationship does not mean that he can't 'love' you... in the comrade sense. However, it doesn't sound like he has made it clear that his love for you is or is not romantic. Except he did say he thought you should just be friends. So the underlying element that I find so disturbing is that he sounds like he's not trustworthy and he doesn't want to hurt you. Disloyal or dishonest people do send mixed signals. It's their MO. You have to look at what they're actually doing to decipher what they are. And obviously you did. So what's the conflict exactly? Maybe you're young, he's young, you're just playing around right now. But somebody's eye could get poked out.
Author EllieNoise Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I guess I just don't know what to think any more. I keep hoping when he says things like that, that he'll come back, like he has before. He's in a relationship with someone else, obviously he can't care about her that much if he continues to call me daily. The conflict is whether or not I should believe him when he says he eventually wants to get back together: whether or not I should wait around. I know the response is going to be "of course you shouldn't wait around," but I keep thinking the signals he's sending shows that he still cares, and may still come back. In which case, I want to be around when he does
Anna86 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hi, That is really strange....It sounds like you need to cut him out of your life. Tell him how his behavior is confusing you and tell him he needs to make a choice. Don't continue to answer his calls, as its just stopping you from moving on. I understand that he wants to be friends but its almost likes shes weaning himself off you. Try not to answer his calls, he has got you eating out of his hand. Show him that he doesn't and you will see if he wants you as more than a friend.....
D-Lish Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Never, ever wait around for a guy. He's in a relationship with someone else- but he still talks to you every day and tells you he loves you. The reality is that if he is doing with with you, he probably did it with someone else behind your back. If you get back together in the future, he's probably going to seek extra attention with other women. Believing that you're "special" is the wrong way to frame this situation. If he loves you so much, why isn't he with you? That's what you should be asking yourself.
Recommended Posts