runforafall Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 OK so three months post-BU during which there has been sporadic LC until the last week or two when she starts upping the game and trying to contact me a lot more frequently, asking how I am and telling me how much she misses me. I did some digging and it seems she is still torn in half about her decision to BU with me. Ultimately, it was the right decision at the time (and one I'm glad she made, I was unhappy too) but some days she thinks we should get back together, some days she thinks she should just let it go. Her doubts about reconciliation are mainly centered around her feelings in the relationship and towards me - she became unhappy and wants to experience that "in love feeling when you just KNOW it's right without any doubts".It's no surprise she was unhappy and didn't feel completely in love with me because of the way I acted and treated her and our relationship. I don't think I need to elaborate on that again (details in previous threads if you think they matter), but suffice to say I am convinced that I would stand a good chance of making her feel the way she wants to feel if given a second chance, and I'm convinced our relationship could be a much more positive and happier one. In short, I think the raw ingredients for long-term success are there. She is very scared of things ending up the way they did before though, and or hurting us both in the process. I just don't understand that logic though. Surely trying and failing is better than wondering and what if's? We spoke on the phone yesterday and I asked her out for a date this weekend. She said "I'm not sure, can I have some time to think about it?" It's good she didn't run a mile when I used the word date, right?
1784 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Interesting. The one thing I didn't get from your post is what YOU want to do. Every sentence was about what she wanted, how she felt, etc. What about you? What do you want? After all, that's the most important thing here. No one is going to make those decisions for you except you.
Author runforafall Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Interesting. The one thing I didn't get from your post is what YOU want to do. Every sentence was about what she wanted, how she felt, etc. What about you? What do you want? After all, that's the most important thing here. No one is going to make those decisions for you except you. Sorry, I should have been more clear. I want to reconcile very much indeed. Obviously there are no guarantees, but I genuinely feel we could give things a great shot.
1784 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Okay. Well, you already "went there" and asked her out. If I were you then I would just stay away for now. If she's not sure then she's not sure. The misconception that we all have is that we somehow have control over another person's feelings and actions. Sometimes we CAN influence them but in the end they will do what they think feels right for themselves. She needs to miss you. She needs to want you back. She needs to be willing to take a risk. She needs to prove to you that she is worth YOUR risk. This isn't all about you. It's a bit of a mind f**k, isn't it? You put your neck out there by asking her out and then she tells you she needs some time to think about it. That's fair, I'm not saying it isn't. But that's where you are now. You have to wait... or not. The ball is in her court. All you can do now is live your life and she if she feels as you do. And how is that? Willing to take a risk. Whenever we take risks like you did by asking her out we have to realize that there is a possibility of failure. Right or wrong that's where you are. This is good, though. Why? Because you want what's right. You only want her to say yes if she's ready. Her accepting when she's not ready would only make things worse. So you're fine. If it's meant to be it will be. If it isn't then you'll know soon enough. Let her miss you. It does wonders.
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