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attention female dumpers what goes in your mind after you dump a good guy

loverboy1984

By loverboy1984
in Second Chances

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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I want to know a female dumpers perspective after a break up. My ex girlfriend broke up with me after 6 years. We both love each other and I guess she just wanted to explore her new surroundings. I want to know what a woman who came out of a 6 year relationship thinks after she dumps a good guy that she feels guilty for hurting. Do you think about it every day? do you feel regrets? do you get over it quick just because you are the dumper or does it bother you but you deal with it?

 

thanks.

No_hope Member

No_hope

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I can't really say for a 6 year relationship, but I did dump a really great sweet caring guy, but we only dated for 2 months.

I broke up with him because he was more of a friend to me. We would just hang out, watch movies, go camping, he was a FRIEND. I broke up with him because there where a lot of other girls who liked him and he deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with him romantically.

 

I felt guilty for a few months, I still feel kinda guilty even now, and it's been 5 years, we still talk even today, he still tries to get back with me, and even starts crying because he doesn't understand what *he* did wrong. But he did NOTHING wrong! He is married now and even planning on starting a family, and I am starting to have to cut contact with him because I don't think that is right to his wife... but it might be a psychological thing.

 

if you where a truly great guy, and she loves you, she will come back.

Jerrica Established Member

Jerrica

Posted
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I can't imagine after 6 years breaking up with someone and not caring at ALL.

 

I've broken up with a guy after a couple months or so because it doesn't take me long to figure out if I see a future with the person, or to know if there's chemistry.

 

I have broken up with a guy after a few months and was just over it right away, 3 months later I ran into him and we started hanging out again, and I fell for him the second time around....then he broke my heart a year later.

 

So it really is hard to say, but in my opinion if she was with you for 6 years, she definitely still has feelings and cares. You are such a big chunk of her life.

Hules Established Member

Hules

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Good guys don't cheat, you deserve what you got, shes smart for leaving you. :rolleyes:

 

I'm sure shes feeling awesome right now. :)

 

Yes I have no sympathy for you, if you truly loved her you would of kept your cock in you pants. Really not that hard, she should of dumped your sorry ass then and there. I'm glad for her she got out while she could.

Edited by Hules
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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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The cheating was along time ago and we got over it. She recently cheated on me too but she says it was just a kiss and that she was drunk. I forgave her and didnt argue just as she forgave me. I do think this is karma and I wish it was different but she didnt break up with me because of this. That was an old issue.

 

We are in a long distance relationship. Im in California and shes in NY. I will be moving there in 2 months. We talked about living together. I think she wanted a break just so she can enjoy herself there. I got a break a few months ago for the same reason when I moved to miami. I knew I was gonna end up with her but I wanted to make sure I had no regrets so I did some light dating. Yes the tables have turned now.

 

She said she didnt want to keep me in limbo so she broke up with me. Limbo being a break she asked for. Im doing no contact and its been 3wks. I plan on contacting her after my test in 2 months.

 

We had a good relationship despite what I did but she knows Im dedicated to her and wont do it again. She feels guilty for doing the same. I want to be with her and I hope she reconsiders.

 

I think about her everyday. I just hope she does too.

 

She told my sister that when we are both done studying and are in a good place in our lives that we can try starting again. Im hanging on to this hope. meanwhile she is doing well in school, partying and drinking alot (something she never did).

Hules Established Member

Hules

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You don't get it you cheated on her, you betrayed her trust most people never get over that even if they say they do. She was probably too scared to leave you then and most likely checked out of the relationship a long time ago.

 

Don't label yourself a "good guy" because your not, your an insensitive ass at best. Don't do the eye for an eye thing I don't blame her for kissing another guy after what you did.

 

Your honestly very naive if you think she will come around. If she does shes a very silly girl. She can do a lot better.

 

I have one female friend who was in a similar position as your girlfriend, he cheated on her she tried her best to forget it. The trust was gone but it still took her a year to leave the relationship. She has never looked back, I doubt your girlfriend will either.

 

Once again you reap what you sow. You treated her like crap, now its coming back to bite you in the ass.

Hhhh Established Member

Hhhh

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Posted
You don't get it you cheated on her, you betrayed her trust most people never get over that even if they say they do. She was probably too scared to leave you then and most likely checked out of the relationship a long time ago.

 

Don't label yourself a "good guy" because your not, your an insensitive ass at best. Don't do the eye for an eye thing I don't blame her for kissing another guy after what you did.

 

Your honestly very naive if you think she will come around. If she does shes a very silly girl. She can do a lot better.

 

I have one female friend who was in a similar position as your girlfriend, he cheated on her she tried her best to forget it. The trust was gone but it still took her a year to leave the relationship. She has never looked back, I doubt your girlfriend will either.

 

Once again you reap what you sow. You treated her like crap, now its coming back to bite you in the ass.

 

Hey buddy your getting kinda personal. Everybody makes mistakes, i don't think he should to be judged by somebody who knows nothing about his character. We come here for support, not to be criticized for our mistakes, but to learn from them. Instead of hounding him, maybe give him some advice on how to better himself for future relationships.

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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hey thanks for standing up for me. I dont take pride for what I did. I dont see what I did as part of who I am. It was a mistake made out of an insecurity and anger at the moment. I was 20 and in college. I am now 25 and will be a doctor next year. I have learned alot about myself through the relationship and now know what I can do to be better. The best part is I think its gonna be easy because there are not too many things I need to work on and the things that I think has bothered her were not an intrinsic part of me. I kept testing her love for me because I didnt believe someone can love someone so much. I stopped but maybe thats what pushed her away.

 

I know I am a good person. besides this I have done many things good. I geniunely love her. I am affectionate, understanding. I am her only best friend. I hope she realizes that she does not know anyone longer than me who cares for her so much. I helped her get to where she is so she can pursue her dreams and get her PhD. My family embraced her when hers were loving her from a distance. I learned how it feels to love and how heart break feels from her.

 

I wish we can both come together again and be a better person for each other instead of someone else. 6 yrs is alot to start from scratch.

 

I hope she is thinking of me. I spend everyday thinking of her and even though she left me at the worst time, when im studying for the most important test of my life, I still love her. Everyone tells me not to take her back and I know its risky since she left and dropped me like a hat for no reason. But I still see alot there. I hope she does too.

 

I spend 15 hours a day studying in the library with her on my mind and I think of every little thing I have ever done to make her upset and its rough.

 

I am not a bad guy so dont judge me by one action.

Hules Established Member

Hules

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Hey buddy your getting kinda personal. Everybody makes mistakes, i don't think he should to be judged by somebody who knows nothing about his character. We come here for support, not to be criticized for our mistakes, but to learn from them. Instead of hounding him, maybe give him some advice on how to better himself for future relationships.

 

Ok true, I just have very little sympathy for those who have a "woe, is me" and self label themselves "the good guy" when its glaringly obvious they have done something very terrible to hurt the person they love. Yes everyone makes mistakes, but his mentality of dismissing it as an "old" issue and couldn't possibly be the reason she dumped him doesn't wash with me, there is no way he could know that as absolute certainty.

 

Yes I'm sure you have many great qualities about you loverboy and I'm sorry if I was overly harsh. My honest advice is I have had several friends who were cheated on during relationships and they stayed because they did love their SO.

 

That been said they all ended up leaving them at some point or another because the trust had been destroyed and they could not trust them the same way as they did before no matter how hard they tried. They were always thinking when is he/she going to cheat on me again.

 

There is nothing you can do at this point other than focus on yourself, she has made her decision you are not going to change her mind.

 

Everyone tells me not to take her back and I know its risky since she left and dropped me like a hat for no reason

 

There is always a reason, people don't just up and leave relationships they are happy in. It may have something to do with you, it might of been her own personal issues, could be a mix of both but there is always a reason.

Edited by Hules
D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
I want to know a female dumpers perspective after a break up. My ex girlfriend broke up with me after 6 years. We both love each other and I guess she just wanted to explore her new surroundings. I want to know what a woman who came out of a 6 year relationship thinks after she dumps a good guy that she feels guilty for hurting. Do you think about it every day? do you feel regrets? do you get over it quick just because you are the dumper or does it bother you but you deal with it?

 

thanks.

 

Usually by the time you've broken up with someone, you've already gone through the grieving process- which is precisely why you're able to leave them.

 

You might feel bad, but for the most part anytime I've left someone- a good guy, or a not so good guy- I've felt some semblence of relief.

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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Yea I think she was thinking of it a week before she did it. I noticed her become more distant and cold and not calling me as often. She initially wanted a break after I confronted her about kissing someone. By the way she lives in NY and im in CA and I was sitting at home one night and got a bad feeling and saw her kissing a guy. I texted her just to say hi and she said she will call me later. when she did I asked her and she said she kissed the guy right when I texted her. I cant believe my intuition.

 

I think the distance, the novelty of the new guy, her new environment, her friends who dont know her that well or me but dont like me influenced her. She initialy wanted a break then when I said she was gonna lose me for good she said forget it I dont want to but I insisted she go figure herself out, then she breaks up saying that she feels bad leaving me in limbo. Now she is partying and drinking, something she never really did. I feel like shes high off her surroundings and just wanted to break up with me to play knowing I may still be there.

 

I know shes busy with school and now has a social life, which is why Im curious if she still thinks about me. I am isolated so I can study for a board exam and so I think about it every day. when I feel good and dont think about it I end up feeling worse knowing that she must not be thinking about it if im not.

Hules Established Member

Hules

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Posted

I think you will find she was thinking of breaking it off LONG before the actual act. Girls generally take a long time before they decide to dump someone, usually go through the grieving process which is why they don't seem to care when they break it off is because they have already grieved, all ready detached before the actual act of dumping.

 

In other words already checked out of the relationship, they may still be in the relationship physically, emotionally they are long gone.

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