takemedrunkimhome Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) basically, my ex girlfriend broke up me for her ex boyfriend. he lives close to my house, so every time i go out i pass his house. anyways, she always used to be really careful about seeing him. she used to park her car far away from where he lived, lie to people about seeing him (this was before i dated her). she hid this from our friends for a year or two..until we got together and she broke up with me. so it came to me as a complete shock that she wouldn't bother hiding him anymore AFTER we broke up. it's funny because i can avoid his house by going a different route, but it's almost like im drawn to it and i wanna see if she's there even though it breaks my heart every time. im so confused, it's almost like im addicted to the pain and the stress it causes me.. is this normal or am i crazy??? Edited April 4, 2011 by takemedrunkimhome
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You are in pain and it seems like you are being attracted to your pain. It's normal to feel this way. When my ex-bf broke up with me, I felt so much pain and I still wanted to see him and contact him. However, no matter how heartbreaking it is, you have to start convincing yourself you can do better than this. You are definitely not crazy now, but if you keep on doing what you are doing now, then you will go crazy. Start to do things differently, first step is to start telling yourself, "Why would you want a person who get together with you and than leave you for another man?" I hope you have started No Contact. NC as follow - not initiating any contact with any ex - not replying to any of her messages, calls - not meeting her at all - not thinking and finding out what she's doing and thinking NC is mainly and solely for yourself to heal your wounds in the heart and move on happily.
Denillad Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Fufu how do we not think about them? That's the hardest part.
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) thanks for the replies. fufu, i have done nc. i've been avoiding her at all costs and i have not initiated a conversation once since we broke up. we've been broken up for 3 months and i haven't responded or talked to her in two months. yes, i did talk to her once because she needed to give my stuff back. that was it though. we're broken up but she still continues to break my heart over and over again. i don't even think she realizes it. it feels like 1 step forward and 3 steps back. there's always something that comes up. i don't know what to do. y'know, it's not enough that she broke my heart into a million pieces, but she somehow managed to take those million pieces, looked at them, and said "hey, you haven't been through enough pain. let me make them into a billion pieces." i agree with you denillad, it's so frickin hard. i still can't go an hour without thinking about her... Edited April 4, 2011 by takemedrunkimhome
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Denillad: I agree with you the mind thinking is the hardest part, however you do can distract yourself. When I first started NC, I do have issues keep thinking of my ex bf of what we used to do, of everything, including break up. Then, I began everyday talking to myself of what I want to do in my future and nothing involving him. I started paying more attention to myself, instead of thinking him. I watched more 48 hours mystery, more animations because when I was doing all these, i stopped my brain from thinking him as a HABIT. I even took up a new language to learn so keep myself busy. So long enough, I no longer think of him as much as before. In the past, when my ex creeps into my mind, I will felt the heartache and will start crying. Now even if at times I think of him, I no longer feel the pain and to me he's just a person who was in my life. I will also suggest dumpees to pick up books to read, especially the motivational and inspirational books for individuals' well being. It will keep your mind busy and at the same time allow you to discover something new about yourself.
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 "thanks for the replies." You are most welcome. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "fufu, i have done nc. i've been avoiding her at all costs and i have not initiated a conversation once since we broke up. we've been broken up for 3 months and i haven't responded or talked to her in two months. yes, i did talk to her once because she needed to give my stuff back. that was it though." Good job for not talking to her, continue to do it and you will feel much stronger and confident to your personal recovery. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "we're broken up but she still continues to break my heart over and over again. i don't even think she realizes it." In the initial stage of my NC, I too had the same thinking as above. However, I realize, my ex only break my heart once and I'm the one breaking my heart over and over again. When our exes chose to break up with us, that was the final heart break to us, however in the midst of recovery and accepting the fact that we do can be happy and live on fine without them, we were the ones confusing ourselves and breaking our own hearts over and over again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "it feels like 1 step forward and 3 steps back. there's always something that comes up. i don't know what to do. y'know, it's not enough that she broke my heart into a million pieces, but she somehow managed to take those million pieces, looked at them, and said "hey, you haven't been through enough pain. let me make them into a billion pieces." Every time you didn't give in to NC, you are always ahead, taking steps forward and not going backwards. Every roller coaster moods you sit through, you become stronger and more confident in yourself.
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 you're right. I should keep my mind occupied.. I'm still trying to find things that actually work. I guess part of me is still in denial about her hurting me. I never thought she would.. and THIS bad. she made it seem like she never wanted to lose me no matter what.. even as a friend, and she has thrown all of that away. by simply being selfish and cold hearted. doesn't love mean putting your needs aside for someone else's... I guess I never meant that much to her, if nothing at all.
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You will find things that make your mind occupied "I guess part of me is still in denial about her hurting me. I never thought she would.. and THIS bad." I believe this thought happened to all the dumpees. I never thought my ex would choose to leave me too. You had paid lots of attention and did your best for her, now it's time to focus on yourself and treat yourself the best No worries, you will be fine.
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