Do I have a chance?

[loverboy1984]

Heres some background. Please give me some feedback. Im new here and posted before and got no responses.

 

I have been in a 6 year relationship with my girlfriend. Its been great and we have been in love and built a solid foundation throughout the years. We met in college and afterwards she moved in my parents house with me. After a year and a half I got into Medical school and moved out while she was still there. My family loved her. We had a long distance relationship while I was away but saw each other during the breaks. Everything was good and we couldnt get enough of each other. We had occasional fights or disputes over stupid things.

 

Recently she got into a Phd program across the country. i moved back home to study for a medical board exam. She has been very busy and we have had a few stupid arguements, in which sometimes I said some thing threatening to end the relationship but then we smoothed it out.

 

One day all the sudden I get the wierdest feeling like my heart was breaking. I close my eyes and imagine her kissing a guy. I texted her to see if we can talk and she said she would call me. So she did later and when I asked her she said she was drunk and kissed a guy at a bar from her school right after I texted her. She said it didnt mean anything and that shes sorry. I didnt over react. She just told me she was attracted to him and she was drunk. Later I wrote her an email upset about what has happened and asked her to see if shes still wants to be with me. She replied very nicely and said that she loves me and doesnt want to do this but thinks we should take a break so she can evaluate herself. She never gave a real reason for the break. She kept saying she loves me and that she hopes to figure herself out and knows that we will end up together. She swore she is not seeking another guy ( which I dont believe) but supposedly she talks to this guy and flirts. He used to be engaged then had a 1 yr relationship and thats all I know about him.

 

A week later I call her and casually talk to her but she always seems busy and distant. I told her I didnt want to be stringed along or be a plan B. I asked her to not let me hang on false hope and tell me if shes with me or not. So she said no and that we should break up, and that we are growing apart and that she is no longer attracted to me the same way. Mind you 2 days prior to this when we talked I broke down and told her how much she means to me and read her a list of things I think I can work on and she said shes 99% sure she wants to be with me and that she wants to marry me eventually and that she finds me attractive still. So this break up was wierd. I felt like someone put her up to it. I still dont know why. So anyways I became angry and went off on her and said she wont find anyone like me and that shes missing out on a good thing by doing this. I said it was nice knowing you, and that I dont want to be friends and that she wont hear from me and then said bye and ended the call.

 

4 days after the break up she messages my sister asking about me and was upset that I defriended her on facebook but said she understands Im hurting. She also said shes doing good in school and can now concentrate more ( which I dont get since Im not even there or bother her). She knows im studying for a big test in 2 months and she has a big test at the same time. So she told my sister that she hopes that when we are both done studying and when Im ready to talk that we will both be in a good place in our lives to start over. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?????

 

I have been in no contact for 3 weeks now. I plan on calling her after my test if she doesnt call me. I will be moving to her area after my test too so I was looking forward to being close to her after this long distance relationship. I really love her but I also know I have said hurtful things. I know she loved me and hope she still does.

 

I just want to know If this is really over or do I still have a chance? We have been together for 6 years and we are both educated, my family loves her, we have both talked about getting married after I graduate, and till a couple days before the break up she was still talking about it. I dont know if she just wants to be single, or focus on school or is she just over me? I really want her back and doing no contact so hopefully its easier to talk to her.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thanks

[hunk]

So she said no and that we should break up, and that we are growing apart and that she is no longer attracted to me the same way.

 

Why would she tell you this if it wasn't true? You need to leave this completely. The attraction's gone. There's nothing there anymore and she's just trying to rationalize her lack of attraction to you by attributing it to other things, and attempting to convince herself and you that things will just get better in the future. You need to drop this relationship entirely. No ultimatums, no nothing. Just disappear and stop giving her the time of day. I understand how hard this is to conceive given how you're feeling, but PLEASE trust me. You HAVE to do this. Right now you'll be rationalizing and analyzing, grasping at any hope of staying together which is going to get you nowhere. Your relationship is done for now. You need to understand that once someone loses attraction to you there is next to no hope in saving the relationship.

 

By you disappearing you'll discover her true intentions and feelings. If she comes back remorseful then you've got your answer, if she doesn't then you've got it. I can't stress how important NC is right now. You need to take yourself out of your body and have an objective look at this situation. That girl you meet at a bar that has no problems hooking up with any hot guy even though she has a boyfriend? That's your girlfriend/ex. You are old news. You're the sobbing baby that she has no romantic interest in but still keeps around for an emotional crutch while she comes to terms with your relationship being over while she has fun with others. I'm giving it to you straight here. You have to take an objective look at this entire situation and approach it with a clear mind, because if you don't you will **** everything up even more so. STRICT NC. You know what to do, you have no excuse.

[loverboy1984]

Im doing no contact now on week 3. I took a break from her my last semester at school so I can see other girls and make sure she was the one for me. I eventually came back to her but she told me it was hard for her during that time. Now that shes in a new environment with school I feel like she is doing the same. I know its hypocritical but Im worried that I may lose her. I know I can do better and I know eventually she will regret not being with me but a part of me wants to think she pushed me away because I wouldnt let her have her break and told her that I didnt want to be stringed along. She knows im studying for my board exam in 2 months so im hoping she calls me after my test but Im worried shes gonna like being single and get over me. I just cant believe someone would drop me like a hat after 6 years at the time I needed them most. Ive tested her before and she has been great. I just feel like there is more to this than she tells me. She kept telling me it confuses her to do this and breaks her heart and that shes cried over it but she has to do this now. Sounds like someone put a gun to her head and told her to do it.

 

Part of me believes that after 2 months I can talk to her and get her back. My heart wants her back but my mind and my family and friends tell me its a bad move. Shes given me many 2nd chances, ive even cheated on her. I love her and now more than ever realize what I have lost and want her back. For now Im doing No Contact, and giving her space.