Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Do you like porn? I bet your gf doesn't. And if you guys became serious odds are she would have a hard time understanding why you choose to pleasure yourself from watching another girl. I agree with you though. They ARE sexually pleasuring another guy. problem is she refuses to accept that fact cos she isn't pleasured herself and you won't accept the fact that acting in innocence (kinda). Getting angry about it isn't going to help either of you and will probably just get you broken up. I suggest sitting her down. Talking to her CALMLY about your issues with it (explain that you understand her point of view before you tell her why it upsets you) then tell her that whilst in her perspective there is nothing wrong with it, because you are a guy and you have spoken to other guys about it you know that at least 90% of the people she is grinding with are getting sexual pleasure from it and that makes you feel hurt. She will either develop some understanding for your perspective and offer not to do it or she won't. but if she doesn;t then she either doesn't care about you or is too emotionally immature to be in any kind of serious relationship. At which point you have to decide whether it's ok to just date her 'for fun' or if you want something more meaningful. If the latter then you should move on. Well... that is why I quit watching porn in the first place....
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 cos she didn't like you doing it? If so then it's a good example of something you've given up for the relationship. you can tell her about this this to help your point but be extra careful cos it is probably a touchy subject for her and if handled with any kind of spite or haughtiness will just piss her off more.
Knittress Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Like In said. This is how guys view it. Girls don't seem to because they aren't generally turned on by it. Not only not-turned-on, turned OFF. Can we do a general PSA to all the guys how UNSEXY it is to be getting into the music, feeling sensual and carried away, and then suddenly have some RANDOM coming up behind you and shoving his stuff between your thighs? MAJOR mood killer!
Taramere Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Dancing with the explicit purpose of pleasuring another mans penis through friction, and touching ranging from light to heavy. I'm with you on this. I suppose you could say it's a particularly sexy and free-spirited of dance, but given the dancing ability of the average person it puts me more in mind of wildebeest rutting in mating season. That said, the disapproving, straight-laced boyfriend isn't a role you want to step into if you have any sense. Once you've taken on that Dad role, all is lost. If you don't like her behaviour (which I think is a perfectly reasonable perspective for you to take), and she's making it clear that she thinks her behaviour is fine, it's far better for both your psyche and your reputation to let her know she just isn't your type - and end the relationship.
Titania22 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Not only not-turned-on, turned OFF. Can we do a general PSA to all the guys how UNSEXY it is to be getting into the music, feeling sensual and carried away, and then suddenly have some RANDOM coming up behind you and shoving his stuff between your thighs? MAJOR mood killer! I agree with this. It's so gross.
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Since women can orgasm from a fantasy these grinders might be getting some sort of sexual sensation from just the additional attention. As far as I know in grinding there typically is no clothed genital contact just near contact. Though if there is contact she could be even getting her clit stimulated.
sally4sara Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 People in a relationship shouldn't even go to clubs?! Why? You don't have to dance like you're in heat, hook up with someone or any kind of action that is disrespectful to your relationship just because you went to a club. The only thing you have to do is be around other people in the same building. But I do know what grind dancing signals to guys. The OP's GF is playing naive (or just is that dumb).
love4ever Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'm in a relationship and I'll go out for as long as I can! But when I do, I don't usually dance with guys b/c they can't dance anyway and I honestly don't want them touching me . If I do dance with someone, I definitely don't grind! I keep them about an arms length away.
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 People in a relationship shouldn't even go to clubs?! Why? You don't have to dance like you're in heat, hook up with someone or any kind of action that is disrespectful to your relationship just because you went to a club. The only thing you have to do is be around other people in the same building. But I do know what grind dancing signals to guys. The OP's GF is playing naive (or just is that dumb). A club is just a tool to help singles find someone. If you already have someone then you don't need a club unless you plan on cheating. There are small instances of cheating and large ones. Dancing with another is a small act displaying that a person's SO, who they should be taking part in such an intimate act with, isn't doing it for them any longer and mentally they have moved on. Grinding though isn't dancing and more akin to a sex act so it is a much more serious case of cheating. Still in both the partner at fault is at most only physically in the relationship and reduced to being merely an object in the relationship and no longer an interactive entity.
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 People in a relationship shouldn't even go to clubs?! Why? You don't have to dance like you're in heat, hook up with someone or any kind of action that is disrespectful to your relationship just because you went to a club. The only thing you have to do is be around other people in the same building. I disagree. I don't really like clubbing much anymore but when I was at uni I liked to go clubbing regardless of whether I had a significant other. Dancing is fun. But there a lot of forms of dancing other than grinding. and how you carry yourself whilst clubbing should indicate what you are there for (eg dancing/drinking/slutting)
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I agree with Taramere. You're bound to turn her off if you set boundaries. Now, if she set boundaries for you not watching porn because it upset her, then you have an ultimatum. Tell her that she can grind on as many guys as she wants, if you can watch as much porn as you want. If she accepts that, then I'll eat my shorts. Most likely, she'll give up on the grinding, since she views porn as cheating (and you view this dance as cheating.)
betterdeal Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 If you don't like it, say so and go from there. I've had girlfriends who flirt outrageously, claim to be in to free love, say we aren't exclusive yet etc. etc. When I accept that and go and flirt outrageously they really cracked the ****s. Really not worth the hassle.
highviolet Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'm sorry, but any girl who thinks that a guy rubbing his junk on her isn't thinking about doing her is completely naive or just stupid.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I agree with Taramere. You're bound to turn her off if you set boundaries. Now, if she set boundaries for you not watching porn because it upset her, then you have an ultimatum. Tell her that she can grind on as many guys as she wants, if you can watch as much porn as you want. If she accepts that, then I'll eat my shorts. Most likely, she'll give up on the grinding, since she views porn as cheating (and you view this dance as cheating.) Boundaries are necessary in a relationship, you are also not reading my post correctly. I don't view it as cheating but I view it as highly disrespectful to the relationship. This is not just "free spirited fun" and to be honest if she respected me it wouldn't be that big of an issue.
donnamaybe Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Honestly... I don't see how it is just a dance... It looks like a lapdance while standing up.That's pretty much it. Look, I can dance just fine without rubbing all over some random guy. In fact, my girlfriend and I have gotten applause when we were the only ones on the dance floor while there was music playing during a band break. It takes more skill to be a good dancer than it does to just rub your butt in someone's crotch. I don't understand why people who are in a relationship think it's okay to rub their genitals on someone else just because music is playing at the time. I don't blame you for not liking it. Fact is, YOU don't like it, and it's YOUR relationship. If she doesn't care how you feel, perhaps it's time to reevaluate things with her.
elaina Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 grinding as a form of dance = i think i would break up just for that alone. whatever happened to tango or salsa I want to learn how to tango and salsa!!! Grinding with a stranger = Grinding with someone who is not my boyfriend = To the OP, I understand why that bugs you. Personally, it would bug me if the guy I am interested in was grinding another girl(s) I'd wonder if he was all that into me or not.
Pfiend101 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 DUMP THIS BROAD. I think its funny that some of the women are saying it isn't sexual. lmao You rubbing your butt on a guys crotch isnt sexual? Really? If guys cant go to the strip club girls cant grind on random dudes. She made you quit watching porn and shes aloud to grind on random dudes johnsons in the club..... NEXT
fishtaco Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I do this with random women every week. In fact, last night I did this with like 20 different women. Some of them have boyfriends/husbands. And the etiquette for this particular dance is you remove all items in your right pocket, because that's where her crotch goes, as you can see in the video. So I think knittress and others have mentioned -- this is purely a boundary issue problem.
sally4sara Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 A club is just a tool to help singles find someone. If you already have someone then you don't need a club unless you plan on cheating. There are small instances of cheating and large ones. Dancing with another is a small act displaying that a person's SO, who they should be taking part in such an intimate act with, isn't doing it for them any longer and mentally they have moved on. Grinding though isn't dancing and more akin to a sex act so it is a much more serious case of cheating. Still in both the partner at fault is at most only physically in the relationship and reduced to being merely an object in the relationship and no longer an interactive entity. These are not rules. Maybe these are reasons YOU go and that's fine. But no one forces you to dance any particular style of dance or hook up with someone whether you're in a relationship or not just because you went inside a dance club. You can even go to a club with your SO (gasp!). No one is checking single status at the door and no one is going to force you to go home with someone on your way out. Clubbing is what you make of it. If your experiences in going out clubbing were trashy its because you behaved that way - not because of some law of clubbing.
Pfiend101 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I do this with random women every week. In fact, last night I did this with like 20 different women. Some of them have boyfriends/husbands. And the etiquette for this particular dance is you remove all items in your right pocket, because that's where her crotch goes, as you can see in the video. So I think knittress and others have mentioned -- this is purely a boundary issue problem. If I saw my girlfriend doing that with anyone other than me. Instant break up.
fishtaco Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If I saw my girlfriend doing that with anyone other than me. Instant break up. Not me. Because I'll be doing the same with other women. I can't be a hypocrite. Hence it's a boundary issue. Everyone is different.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But men in relationships staring straight into the various orifices of hundreds of different naked women in porn is totally cool, right?
Woggle Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Why don't you grind with some women at a club in front of her and put her theory to the test? I bet she won't be so okay with it.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 But men in relationships staring straight into the various orifices of hundreds of different naked women in porn is totally cool, right? That is not cool... not cool at all in my book. As far as grinding with other women, Woogle, I'm a few months from turning 21, my girlfriend is 22 so I can't go to the club with her.
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