ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Forgive me... I'm a little pissed off right now. I found the nearest forum to vent promptly. My girlfriend was grinding with god knows how many people at the club last night. Her friend told me and I was livid but I kept my cool in front of her. Her justification was "it's just a dance", and "grinding doesn't do anything for me". Excuse me... it isn't just a dance... it's dry humping/simulated sex. It wasn't just her cavalier additude that pissed me off... it was the fact she acted like I was a control freak when I told her to knock it off. I have been fair throughout this relationship... and when I ask for her to stop she gets defensive? Aren't I right though, isn't grinding more than just a dance? Isn't it disrespectful to our relationship?
Knittress Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 My opinion is that this is not a right/wrong thing but a relationship boundary the two of you need to clarify and agree on. Some guys get off on seeing other men drool over their hot woman, maybe even enjoy the opportunity to grind a little themselves - just sayin'! Personally, I hate having my leg humped when I go out. Whether I'm in a relationship or not.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 My problem is she doesn't care... She thinks I'm being unreasonable and controlling. I haven't told her not to go to the club or even not to dance with other guys. I even asked her what if she saw me grinding on another women and she said she wouldn't mind because it's just a dance.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 My problem is she doesn't care... She thinks I'm being unreasonable and controlling. I haven't told her not to go to the club or even not to dance with other guys. I even asked her what if she saw me grinding on another women and she said she wouldn't mind because it's just a dance. Shes not as into you as you are into her. You better get out of this now, or at least emotionally distance yourself from her. She is on the road to dumping you, or she just isnt serious about you. Thats why she doesnt care what you think. Bail out. Find a woman who is into you enough to not WANT to grind on other guys.
Pfiend101 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Grinding isnt just something someone in a relationship should do with other guys. It involves your GF rubbing her ass on some random dudes crotch. Inappropriate.
SmileFace Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Ha, I am not sure I can answer this, due to cultural differences - I am not sure what you guys are referring to as grinding. However in my culture what you may be calling grinding is just how we dance. Haha, I love it! I mean she is just dancing. Not like she is taking these guys home. Why it acceptable for to do this when she isn't in a relationship. That is like inferring that grinding is something she uses to get a relationship or something. She is just having fun. However due to cultural differences my answer really may not be valid.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Well OP, at least you know when to man up and put your foot down. It's not okay with you. And that in itself is okay. What's not okay is your girlfriend acting like a bitch about what's not cool with you. So the real question here isn't whether grinding is okay or not, it doesn't ****ing matter because it's not okay with you...which is okay. The real question here is, what are you going to do with your girlfriend? She has expressed a clear importance on being able to grind her ass on another guy's crotch. She has also expressed that she thinks your opinion of it is mute, and that she doesn't think too highly of it. What are you going to do OP? Talk to her about it? You've already tried. Don't reason on **** that isn't reasonable for you. You better let her know what's good. Tell her if she wants to act single, then she can be single.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I grinded on a girl once, and she wasn't sexually attracted to me. It is sort of a dance, in a way. However, it depends on how "heavy" the dance was. If it was light touching, I wouldn't consider it cheating. If it was full on grinding, and acting lustfully, well...then I'd consider it cheating.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I grinded on a girl once, and she wasn't sexually attracted to me. It is sort of a dance, in a way. However, it depends on how "heavy" the dance was. If it was light touching, I wouldn't consider it cheating. If it was full on grinding, and acting lustfully, well...then I'd consider it cheating. Listen... Not even I consider it cheating but I do consider it very disrespectful. There are somethings that your SO might do that aren't cheating that might make you mad. Grinding while tispy in a nightclub on god knows how many men is not a recipe for a relationship success.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Tell me is this something I should be concerned with? Should I let her grind? Now that I'm cooled off maybe she was right?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Listen... Not even I consider it cheating but I do consider it very disrespectful. There are somethings that your SO might do that aren't cheating that might make you mad. Grinding while tispy in a nightclub on god knows how many men is not a recipe for a relationship success. I wasn't tipsy, and neither was the girl I grinded on. We both were drinking soda, since I was walking home (college dorm), and she was driving her roommate home (who was drunk, and ended up leaving the bar and breaking up our birthday party for her.) Look, some music, you can't ballroom dance to it. When someone turns on a hip hop track, are you gonna waltz around the room? You'd look like a proper idiot, and people would suspect that you had suffered some sort of brain damage. Grinding is a type of dance. Yes, maybe it's overtly sexual, or can be considered that way. But sometimes it's just...a dance.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I wasn't tipsy, and neither was the girl I grinded on. We both were drinking soda, since I was walking home (college dorm), and she was driving her roommate home (who was drunk, and ended up leaving the bar and breaking up our birthday party for her.) Look, some music, you can't ballroom dance to it. When someone turns on a hip hop track, are you gonna waltz around the room? You'd look like a proper idiot, and people would suspect that you had suffered some sort of brain damage. Grinding is a type of dance. Yes, maybe it's overtly sexual, or can be considered that way. But sometimes it's just...a dance. Honestly... I don't see how it is just a dance... It looks like a lapdance while standing up.
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I thunk this might be another case of differences in the nature of males/females. Guys tend to think about sex OFTEN and are easily turned on. Most girls don't think of sex that much and don't get turned on super easy (obv there are exceptions). therefore girl logic is along the lines of I like having fun - dancing is fun - learning new dances makes things interesting - all my friends are dancing in this style - therefore it must be fun - therefore i can do this like everyone else and have fun. your gf's logic is - i'm having fun dancing like everyone else - my bf is angry just cos i'm dancing - my bf is ruining my fun. guy logic is more like I like having fun - sex is fun - I like sex - I use my crotch for sex - girls bottoms make me think of sex - this girls bottom is near my crotch - therefore I will think about sex with this girl etc etc. your logic seeing your gf with another guy is - her bottom is near his crotch - I would think about sex in that situation - he is probably thinking about sex and getting turned on - therefore my gf is too - fml this sucks.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Honestly... I don't see how it is just a dance... It looks like a lapdance while standing up. Well, you're convinced of what you're convinced of. Obviously no advice that disagrees with you will change your opinion, so why bother giving you advice? Go with what you believe, and stop wasting our time.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Well, you're convinced of what you're convinced of. Obviously no advice that disagrees with you will change your opinion, so why bother giving you advice? Go with what you believe, and stop wasting our time. You aren't doing anything to convince me otherwise. There are no steps involved, there no other point to it from my prospective than to stick your crotch into a girls ass, and then start dry humping to the music (lets not fool ourselves that is what it is)
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Grinding is dirty dancing no matter how "light" and like some of the latin dances is used in lieu of sexual intercourse with its only other uses being as a form of foreplay or as a way to muster sexually charged attention. It isn't dancing just to have a fun time. This is all moot. Those in a couple don't belong in a club or a bar unless it is a restaurant with a bar. Those places are merely meat markets for singles to meet and mate or for girls it is more about getting a lot of male attention. People in relationships only complicate matters with their presence.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Oh Jesus! You all sound like the people that called The Beatles 'devil music' in the 60's, or that Rock 'N Roll Dancing was going to cause more people to pop out babies. Grinding is just a more extreme form of dancing. Key word there: Dancing. I suppose we should tie up our girlfriends and put them on leashes when they're unsupervised? Talk about controlling.
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Oh Jesus! You all sound like the people that called The Beatles 'devil music' in the 60's, or that Rock 'N Roll Dancing was going to cause more people to pop out babies. Grinding is just a more extreme form of dancing. Key word there: Dancing. I suppose we should tie up our girlfriends and put them on leashes when they're unsupervised? Talk about controlling. Dancing with the explicit purpose of pleasuring another mans penis through friction, and touching ranging from light to heavy.
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Dancing with the explicit purpose of pleasuring another mans penis through friction, and touching ranging from light to heavy. Like In said. This is how guys view it. Girls don't seem to because they aren't generally turned on by it. I find this is a common situation for many things where the guy/girl does something the other sex finds inappropriate. Lots of guys think there is nothing wrong with watching porn or going to strip clubs where their gf/wife abhores the idea. But the guy will always find a million ways to justify their behavior, and a lot of those justifications will be perfectly true and valid (from a guy's perspective). Empathy is a very difficult trait to acquire. I'm not saying whether grinding is right or wrong (IMO it's wrong but that's probably cos I'm a guy). I do think however that your gf should have more respect for your feelings and even if she decided s to continue grinding she should show more sympathy and understanding for your perspective.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 thatdog is absolutely correct, by the way. That is the difference between the genders.
runner Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 grinding as a form of dance = i think i would break up just for that alone. whatever happened to tango or salsa
Author ChocolateChipWaffle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 thatdog is absolutely correct, by the way. That is the difference between the genders. They can think that way but they are still sexually pleasuring another mans penis.
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Women don't care as much about sex but most of what they do is to catch a man's attention from the way they dress, the way they speak, the actions they choose, the way they move, etc. It isn't all a coincidence left up to chance. They know what they are doing. This is a carefully orchestrated act. They don't spend hours on their appearance for nothing. They don't dance for hours in the mirror at home just for kicks never to be seen by anyone. They don't put all of this effort in not to be noticed and adored. His girlfriend needs more attention than he can give or perhaps any one man can give. That would be okay if she was single but she isn't. Though there is another explanation. She is acting badly so he will get jealous and try to curb her bad behavior. She could be feeding off this negative attention because subconsciously a boyfriend who acts like a strict father figure means he cares. Women get miffed at porn because attention is being taken away from them by the competition. All of his attention and attentiveness is being diverted. Most women don't care about the act and would even forgive a cheating lover as long as she didn't lose his interest.
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 They can think that way but they are still sexually pleasuring another mans penis. Do you like porn? I bet your gf doesn't. And if you guys became serious odds are she would have a hard time understanding why you choose to pleasure yourself from watching another girl. I agree with you though. They ARE sexually pleasuring another guy. problem is she refuses to accept that fact cos she isn't pleasured herself and you won't accept the fact that acting in innocence (kinda). Getting angry about it isn't going to help either of you and will probably just get you broken up. I suggest sitting her down. Talking to her CALMLY about your issues with it (explain that you understand her point of view before you tell her why it upsets you) then tell her that whilst in her perspective there is nothing wrong with it, because you are a guy and you have spoken to other guys about it you know that at least 90% of the people she is grinding with are getting sexual pleasure from it and that makes you feel hurt. She will either develop some understanding for your perspective and offer not to do it or she won't. but if she doesn;t then she either doesn't care about you or is too emotionally immature to be in any kind of serious relationship. At which point you have to decide whether it's ok to just date her 'for fun' or if you want something more meaningful. If the latter then you should move on.
thatdog Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Women don't care as much about sex but most of what they do is to catch a man's attention from the way they dress, the way they speak, the actions they choose, the way they move, etc. It isn't all a coincidence left up to chance. They know what they are doing. This is a carefully orchestrated act. They don't spend hours on their appearance for nothing. They don't dance for hours in the mirror at home just for kicks never to be seen by anyone. They don't put all of this effort in not to be noticed and adored. Yes and no. Pretty much every girl I've ever discussed this with has told me that girls don't just get dressed up for guys. its just as if not more important for them to look good for other girls. Most girls have a problem with being casual and being surrounded by girls who are dressed to the 9s and sexy as hell. they feel frumpy and average and don't like ti. so they all dress up to essentially compete with one another when they go out.
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